Tag Archives: management

Lower Morale and Reduce Productivity

Posted on by

The basics in a management training program require that there is an understanding that managers can increase productivity by learning to increase morale. Reduced morale can lead to higher turnover (which is expensive,) sabotage, increased health challenges for employees, and an overall reduction in customer service (and sales.) “Old school” managers still try to manage by intimidation and threats to job security but the long term productivity results seem to be reduced due to internal sabotage or reductions in performance. A stressed out staff is more likely to show signs of “burn-out” if managers unnecessarily increase stress and pressure. Frustrated managers who take their anger and stress out on their employees do not get long term cooperation, reliable support, or loyalty from their staff. When there is a re-ocurring pattern of disrespect to employees, managers often create situations that reduce morale and lower productivity by other staff.

Employees are not stupid, in most cases, and a pattern of management disrespect or abuse will not have a long-term positive result. People will learn that they do not want to work in work environments that are made more difficult by abusive managers and poor leadership. Hey, this is NOT SOME NEW INFORMATION. We are coming out of a financial environment which has people feeling insecure and stressed. It is NOT the time to “kick them when their down” as some management seems to do. It is a good time to build support and mutual trust. Aside from business, it is also a time to be supportive of other people, especially employees, which can allow you to feel good just like when you can afford to make a donation to a deserving organization which helps with disaster relief. Yes, disaster relief begins at home with emotional support for the people you live around and WORK with. This is not “rocket science.” It is basic.

What would you think if you heard about a non-profit, community, health service who does not pay their health care providers much more than the minimum wage AND then sets out to abuse these professionals by taking away benefits, and staff positions, and even replaces providers who are off work for cancer treatment? (This comes from a true work example.) Does this sound like bully managers who can not expect loyalty from their under-paid staff? Does it sound like a situation that breeds “burn-out” and people looking to leave this organization? In this situation, I know that fellow providers are supporting one another, but the leadership and the managers are looking like bullies, and no one likes or supports a bully. As said before, the world is already stressful enough so we do not any more stress dumped upon us. Especially, we should not hire lawyers who work for the CEO’s who pretend to care for employees and say that they are saving the organization money by taking benefits from their poorly paid employees.

On the opposite side of this situation, there are leaders who attempt to keep their employees working to save jobs when things are slow. They may even reduce management costs, executive bonuses, and dividend payment to keep loyal employees working. They do not ship jobs overseas or out-source work to save money, where quality can be lost. There are even some organizations and executives who do not fight paying their fair share of taxes so that services that are required by our society can be funded, like schools/education. Sure I sound naive but “doing the right thing” is NOT negotiable, it has to be done or we are threatening to slip further into the role of being a 2nd rate world power with a reputation for being morally bankrupt and a greed driven culture.

It is time to step up to the plate and look out for each other as if we were all working to survive a natural disaster. In this case, though many do not take responsibility for their roles in it, we are in a man-made financial collapse. Our politicians and business leaders can step up and “do the right thing,” but history seems to indicate that greed and a “me first” attitude will win out, leading our economy in “marginal” direction. Lower morale is not just a business challenge but spreads to all of our society.

Women and Stress In the Modern World

Posted on by

Need for Stress Management for Women

I believe that everyone is experiencing higher levels of stress in the “Information Age.” The pace of change has accelerated to the point where we are forced to confront more changes and faster paced changes in this day and age, than at any time in the past. Just the pace of development of new information has many of us just spinning to keep up. I remember getting my first new personal business computer in 1989. The hardware and software, though getting old, were still plenty functional for 3 years. I bought a new computer two months ago and I have had to “upgrade the software several times since then and the hardware was “old” when I was taking the machine out of the box.

Since the 1960’s, the pace has increased and roles have changed. There are more women in the work force (with jobs outside of the home/farm.) In fact, in many parts of the country/world, most families require more than one person in the work force just to meet the daily expenses of living. In the early part of this working revolution, there was an assumption by many companies that men should receive more money (higher pay for the same job) because they were the “bread winners” for the family. This has not changed in many parts of this world. There were also many limitations imposed for women in the level of their career developments. Though these attitudes are changing (in many parts of the world), there are still areas that have not been completely addressed. For example, how many working women come home from work with the old expectations that they are responsible for the “homemaking” duties like: dinner preparation, cleaning, shopping, and childcare. Men are gradually, though often grudgingly, taking on their share of many of these tasks (except where the cultural or religious beliefs discourage this evolution.)

Women have special stress management requirements and considerations. Women are often taught (most unconsciously by their families or communities) to not complain about the two careers that they assume, working outside the home and also as the center of home activities. Women need to take care of themselves better, more so now than ever before. They must be better role models to their peers and children in the skills that are needed for self-preservation and improved quality of their lives.

Today, women need to get regular exercise, eat better, and take time for relaxation. Everyone needs to make time for self-care that can also include continuing education, spiritual development, positive relationships, and financial and career planning. The challenge is to find the time and the “support” necessary to make this happen. I know that without this self-care, you are left with a “burned-out,” unhappy, and unhealthy person who the family and the greater world will find, in the long-run will not be able to make the positive contributions that would be ideal. We need to support each other more now ever before. We need to encourage greater health and happiness for all women.

Some men believe that playing aggressive games like football or racquetball are relaxing, and most of the time they are wrong, but women also have their misconceptions about what is relaxing. Women tend to get together with friends or family for meals out, shopping, even “pampering.” Sometimes these activities are not so ideal or even relaxing. Every woman is an individual with her own requirements and needs. Spending money, shopping in crowds, binging on foods (desserts,) even breathing fumes from getting your nails done are not always the most healthy choices. If you do not know what is really “right” for you (and your body) then consider getting some lifestyle coaching and test the options until you “know” what is best for you and what really works. The investment in time and money will save you time and energy in the long run and definitely improve your quality of life. Also, remember that close relationships are important and can be important for stress management. However, healthy relationships start with “healthy” partners/friends and “needy”/demanding friends are not always helpful for personal stress management. (Make good choices where you spend your time and energy…)

Along the way, do not forget to take good care of yourself! Be present and enjoy everyday. Enjoy time with your family and good friends. Find time for gratitude!
Good Health!

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training through the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com.

Can a Retreat Program Change Your Life?

Posted on by

Have you ever participated in a retreat? Was it for spiritual growth or as an education experience? Perhaps it was a healing retreat to help find relief for a physical or emotional challenge. Was the retreat a weekend or week long experience? Did you spend the money to travel to this retreat and find that your life was changed making the value was very high for you? Or did you have a negative attitude about time and money spent on a retreat-like experience?

Many people have paid lots of money to go on vacation. Some vacations are “retreats” in practice, if not in name. Weeks on a cruise ship or a golf vacation are actually retreat-like but perhaps without the focus upon a specific outcome. Most people hold vacations in their memory for their entire lives. These were rewarding experiences that, in subtle ways, may have changed your life.

There are retreat centers that have recognizable names such as Esalen on the Big Sur coast in Northern California. Since 1962, Esalen Institute has offered healing and “growth” retreats for professional development and for the general public. This is a model that has been duplicated, in principle, by many other organizations. Often a retreat is “lead” by a therapist, author, philosopher, artist, poet, healer or expert in some emotional or physical process. There are many styles and formulas that can be used to impart the necessary information. Often people who attend these retreats learn that the information they receive is secondary to the experience of the “process” that brings individuals and the group to their highest levels of insight. The “process” is what the retreats are really all about and this cannot be gleaned from books, audios, videos, or conference calls. This process can include the physical and emotional experience of connection to the information and also the connections made with others attending the retreat. The connections are important and possibly even therapeutic, making the experience a life changing event. By making these meaningful connections with others you can change your self-awareness and in doing so change your life.

Not all retreats benefit every participant deeply. Every participant brings to the retreat their own energy, history, and past experience. Not everyone who leads a retreat is skillful at reaching out to every participant. In some cases, the connections are not made and so the retreat experience may have less value. Some participants go with the belief and intention that it will change their lives for the better. They are ready to transform and do not resist the new insights or deny the insights they experience. Often people fear change and resist the process.
Insights gained from retreats can have long-lasting effects. These changes may happen rapidly and be integrated into the participant’s life in dramatic ways or they may manifest more slowly over time and have a seemingly subtle effect. Rapid, sudden change is not always good or even long lasting.

If you are reading this blog and have made it this far, I would appreciate you contributing the past experiences you have had on personal growth retreats. Why did you go? What did you expect? What knowledge, information, or benefits did you receive from the process? How did the experience change your life? Did the connections you made with other people or with the process continue in your life? Would you recommend a specific retreat process and why was this retreat so life-changing for you? Thanks in advance for your input. (Send your thoughts to wellness@dstress.com)

I have lead retreats for many years and I am building new retreat processes for the future. My dream has been to build a retreat process that helps to pair people with specific health or emotional challenges, like PTSD, anxiety, chronic pain, etc, with professional therapists and coaches who wish to be trained in assisting individuals or groups of people in the processes that can relieve these challenges. I have floated around the country offering programs in various venues but I would love to see a retreat facility that has been created to certain specific criteria so the very best retreat work can be accomplished. Any thoughts on this are also welcome.

I appreciate your time and attention. I hope to meet with you in a rewarding and productive retreat process in the future. Until then, please take good care of yourself. AND, keep open and growing along your way.

If you would like to explore the Retreat Process for yourself or for your organization contact the Stress Education Center through www.dstress.com.

Getting Out Your Own Way: Find Success

Posted on by

World class athletes are using sports psychology to improve their performance. The stress of high level competitions can create situations where an equally matched opponent may win an event because the stress may block the best performance by his closest competition. A small amount of muscle tension may reduce the speed of a track sprinter by 1 hundredth of a second and make this person come in second. 70% of the training time of these high level athletes is spent in the mental preparation of preparing for the stress of competition. The combination of controlling the impact of stress and practicing positive mental visualization has been proven to enhance performance for athletes, musicians, and people in business.

In my Executive Coaching practice, I am often asked to use tools from sports psychology to help develop the skills that lead to success. For example, I was working with an Executive Vice President of a large financial organization and he found that the tools help him to relax and focus better so he could could get his 8 hours of work done in 6.5 hours so he could accomplish more in less time. He found his productivity went way up. Then he found that his ability to communicate, and to delegate, was enhanced. This lead him to be acknowledged as a better leader for his division. Profits were up. Mistakes/accidents were down. His people’s morale was elevated. All of these good results and success were attributed, in his view, by the coaching and use of sports psychology. It required about 20 minutes a day of his time and it saved him time, energy, and increased profits.

This is not a secret but it does require motivation. It is not difficult, but it does require a new way of thinking and behaving. Business leaders are using these techniques more now than ever before and showing the cost benefits, not only for themselves, but for their organizations.

The secret is learning how to “Get Out of Your Own Way.” There are articles related to this at the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com (on the “articles” page and within earlier postings of this blog.) You can also go to the website for more information on Executive Coaching and Organization Development.

Building the Team: Creating a Positive Environment at Work

Posted on by

We spend a lot of our time engaged in work. For many of us, our work includes regular, perhaps daily, interactions with co-workers. Relationships form with the people who we work with and who we see many days of the week. These relationships can make the work environment positive and productive or, to the contrary, negative and even destructive. Good managers encourage good relationships at work, in most situations. The supportive relationships can assist the work of the organization to move forward. As people get to “know” one another, deeper understanding and tolerance can grow which can lead to better professional relationships and enhanced productivity. Building a team in your work group or, within your immediate organization, allows people to connect in positive supportive ways. This is especially true in businesses which require communication amongst personnel to accomplish the end product or service. Technology companies, healthcare providers, most financial organizations, education, and most governmental organizations can benefit from the enhanced communication which good team building helps to create.

Team building is not a waste of time, because when it is done correctly, it saves time, increases productivity, reduces accidents and mistakes, and encourages good problem solving to overcome obstacles and time pressures. There is almost no downside to team building. It does require time to get started and to help maintain but the positive attitudes in the workforce will offer a positive return on investment. Good or great managers rely on the benefits of their efforts to build productive teams. Creating “buy-in” and the emotional connection of the key personnel will increase loyalty and productivity while reducing sabotage and increase retention. Team building can be a key ingredient for many of the most important “players.”

Consider that not all team building activities work as expected. Sometimes it can go sideways, or worse. Some planning is required and the tailoring of a team building program can have greater positive results. A good manager might want to get some assistance in developing and executing a great team building activity. Please do some research to determine the best program for you and your organization. Getting input from your team will enhance “buy-in” even before the event, so consider interactions with participants as you develop your program.

For additional coaching regarding your team building requirements or for program development consider contacting the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com for input and support.

9 Benefits of Executive Coaching

Posted on by

Why executive coaching? Because study after study shows that coaching works! Executive Coaching is an effective tool for organizations and their key people in making changes in both the direction and impact of their work. It is a cost effective way to assist your key personnel to develop their skills in leadership, communication, strategic planning & implementation, focus and accountability.

The focus of the coaching relationship is on the client, on what the client wants to have happen, and on what will help them to achieve it. There is no other relationship that consistently offers this extraordinary level of support and encouragement. The coaching relationship is often described as “having your own personal navigator for the journey: someone who will help you find your way and stay on course”. Many business and professional people describe having a coach as their own “secret weapon”, someone who keeps them focused and on track toward their goals when the tendency otherwise might be to lose energy or become distracted.

How Can Executive Coaching Help You?
1. Gain clarity about and maximize your strengths.
2. Gain ongoing encouragement and accountability toward reaching your goals.
3. Reach higher levels of performance and results.
4. Become the leader you have always wanted to be.
5. Identify and align your life and work with your values.
6. Set and achieve individualized personal and professional goals.
7. Thwart your “inner critic” and other stumbling blocks which have previously sabotaged your success.
8. Develop and sustain balance between work and personal life.
9. Apply concepts from international research on positive psychology to learn how to become happier and derive more satisfaction from your life.

Excellent Areas for Executive Coaching Include:
• Maximizing performance and results at work
• Developing, and fully utilizing a strong, highly engaged staff
• Successfully modeling and managing the challenge of change
• Starting a new area of business or expanding your current business in new and innovative ways
• Becoming more organized and in control of your time and space
• Preparing for or successfully navigating a career transition
• Developing new energy and stamina by becoming healthier, losing weight and changing your lifestyle for good
• Creating more joy, and revitalizing the passion in work

Executive and Corporate Coaching is for Increasing Productivity:
• Human Resources Departments interested in hiring external coaches
• CEO’s, executives, managers and other professionals who would like a coach
• Companies looking to launch a coaching initiative
• Initiatives to prevent and/or cure burnout
• Companies wanting the support of a coach in any of the following: Strategic planning, process re-engineering; creating a compelling vision; launching and developing teams; or 360-degree reviews.

Also, this is great support for business owners and entrepreneurs who have goals and long ranged plans.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training (using Sports Psychology.) Contact Dr. Mason to discuss your specific requirements and to receive a tailored proposal for you or your organization.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com for articles on Executive Stress and Performance, free blog signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833. www.dstress.com

Toxic Managers an Executive Briefing

Posted on by

Have you ever had a boss or manager who seemed to destroy the spirit of your organization? For whatever reason, their management or leadership style is noxious enough to make their personnel go from productive caring people to people who wish to sabotage the organization. Sometimes these managers are placed in their positions by executives who wish to “shake things up” in a certain department and this can turn out to backfire on them.

When toxic managers work their destructive “magic” on an organization, good, experience people leave. In the short term this may look good because it can reduce expenses, but if you lose good people, and the people who are left are passive aggressive, or more directly focused sabotage, then the organization turns unproductive and ultimately unprofitable. This destruction can be blamed on the “line” staff as an excuse, saying that “THEY” did not cope with change. But the real responsibility lies with the executive who placed the toxic manager in their new position. These executives are rarely held responsible for their bad decisions.

This is not an innocent mistake! It is a calculated escalation of bad judgment, laziness, and fear driven thinking that the incompetent executive rains down upon the department, and the organization. If they did their jobs correctly, they would have had better leaders/managers in position giving the proper training or support in the first place. So the executive is the real saboteur and yet can often sidestep the mess that they have created.

Executives need to be held accountable. They need effective coaching, mentorship, leadership, and support. You know this sounds like advice that politicians, business, government, healthcare, military, and education leadership could all benefit from practicing. Sometimes, poor leadership does not know when to ask for coaching or support. Sometimes their egos just get in the way. Whatever their excuse for bad leadership, they are responsible for the reduced productivity and poor performance of their organization.

Know your people. Do not let toxic managers subvert your organization’s work and productivity. Take responsibility and do the difficult work of finding the “right” people to manage and then let them take credit for their good work. (You can not know your people if you do not know yourself!)

Being a great manager or leader does not usually come without support, coaching, and mentoring. If you or your organization can benefit from executive coaching consider contacting the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com for an interview that can lead to a proposal that can lead to your success.

Change Happens: Change & Transition Management

Posted on by

Life change is unavoidable. The pace of change has increased to a record rate with the latest innovations and information technologies. Our body’s primitive response mechanism has not been able to keep pace and we are living with “overwhelm” as a daily companion. We do not have time to adapt at a genetic level, so we must learn to use behavioral adaptations to survive and thrive.

Each of us is a unique person with our unique habitual response to stress. Some of us respond to stress with anger, frustration, rage, or fear. Some of us get “uptight” and hold tension in our jaws, necks, shoulders, backs, or legs. Some of us want to run away as a response. Sometimes we tighten our stomachs, hold our breath, feel our heart racing, our blood pressure may rise, or our hands and feet may get cold. Sometimes we withdraw as if we could hide from the dangers of newness of our transitions.

When we do not have any “control” over the transition and it is an “important” issue, then our stress levels increase. Our body responds, in the only way that it can, as if we were in a life or death situation. We must learn that in life’s interactions, the only thing that we can control is our response to the event. If this situation is important to us, it is best if we can have some input in the change process. We must understand our role and importance of our contribution to the larger picture. And finally, we must be meticulous with our self-care.

If stress comes from an unclear picture of what the transition entails and what our role in this transition will be, then we can respond with fear and resistance which can hurt the project and often our credibility. Communication with higher ups, peers, and the personnel we must manage is critical. Make sure everyone really understands their value, their role, and their contribution to the success of the project. Honesty is essential. Open conversations about the fears of the new or the grieving of the things that have had to change to make way for the new policy or procedure. Dealing with these issues will enroll the participants more successfully.

In a perfect world, there would be time to honor all of these necessary steps for positive transitions, but often the reality is less complete. We must develop strong, uncompromising habits for personal survival and self-care. This might include non-negotiable time for exercise and stress management practice. It would include patterns during stressful transitions where there is enough time for sleep/rest and proper nutrition. Simplify your expectations and distractions. It may not be the best time to take on new projects that would add to the stress like: remodeling the house, moving, new relationships, or large family or social commitments. In other words, use your best common sense and do not over do non-essential activities.

Consider using the following checklist of eight tools for managing major transitions more gracefully.
Tips for Surviving Change

1. Self-Care Daily! See and Use the suggestions from the Ten Timely Tips article (at “articles page” of www.dstress.com.) Self-care is the single most important ingredient to maintaining balance as you go through transitions and change. Proper diet, exercise, and regular relaxations will allow you to be more productive with a higher quality of life!

2. Communicate. Keep yourself from falling into the pitfalls of life by giving and getting feedback about every major concern (change/transition) you are dealing with. Remember, listening is the most important part of communicating. Ask for clarification, so you can make good decisions.

3. Planning… Be Prepared. A productive journey through life’s transitions can not occur gracefully without a plan. Long range goals can keep short-term setbacks from defeating you in major ways. Focus on your long term goals regularly to keep you focused and moving ahead. Plan in every area of life: Finance, self-care, education, relationship, emotional growth, creativity/aesthetic, and spiritual development.

4. Develop Positive Support Mechanisms. If you want to survive, in good health, you need to have proper feedback and support. The “Family” is not always the best place. Friends and professional counselors can sometimes be the best venue for honesty and appropriate support.

5. Develop Positive Rewards. Small and large rewards along your way help make motivation easier, especially with large, long-term goals. A real heartfelt pat on your own back with achieving a reward makes the difficulties easier to bear.

6. Use and Develop Your Humor! Positive Attitudes Really Help! Difficulties, when viewed as opportunities for growth and proving your abilities, are less harmful. But do not bury your anger, fear or sadness.

7. Deal with the Dilemma of Diversity! Every change throws you into a position of dealing with new people, teams, attitudes, emotional “stretches” and more new obstacles. Learning acceptance (through self-care) can help you to make the necessary adjustments and get along faster toward productivity and higher performance. There will always be a contrary attitude around, accept that other opinions exist and you are entitled to your own.

8. Maintain Balance in Your Life! Prioritize, acknowledge, celebrate, and follow through on every area of life, including your emotional and spiritual needs.

© L. John Mason, Ph.D. Stress Education Center and Dstress.com

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for articles, free blog, and learn about the new courses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Reasons for Corporate Executive Coaching

Posted on by

1. To enhance performance, increase productivity and profits, and career Development:
Accountability partnerships

2. Protect company’s assets from potential legal challenges.
Behavioral corrections: harassment, anger management, conflict management, and “last chance” support for poor performance.

3. Management Team team building: Enhancing communication, EQ, team productivity, OD

4. Retention of Key Personnel (and Loyalty): Incentive Bonus Package, Benchmarking top performers and learning what motivates your key people (to keep them satisfied and productive.) Creating an “Attraction Package” for hiring success (use Benchmarking for selection process.)

5. Honoring organization’s Mission Statement of support for executives, leaders, and managers. Offering “Continuous Life Long Learning” investment, skill development or enhancement (leadership and managing,) and career management (perk.)

Costs of Executive Coaching should be more than offset by increased productivity, reduced turnover, and risk containment.

Areas of Experience with Executive and Management Team Coaching:
• Skills for Productivity and Performance Enhancement – Accountability
• Leadership Development for Executives & Managers
• Communication Development for Executives & Managers
• Sales Skills Development and Accountability
• Meeting Management
• Time Management
• Goal Setting and OD Planning
• Work/Life Balance
• Stress Management – Reducing Stress Related Health Challenges
• Customer Service
• Anger Management and Mitigating Harassment
• Manager/Supervisor Skill Development
• Team Building Skills for Managers
• Motivation Skills for Managers
• Presentation Skills Development
• Career Management
• Leading Change
• Conflict Management
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
• Negotiation
• Assessments, Benchmarking Success, 360 Degree Feedback, EQ

Visit the Stress Education Center http://www.dstress.com for more information regarding Executive Coaching. Or Call the Stress Education Center at (360) 593-3833.

Social Skills: Are They Necessary?

Posted on by

Social skills: are they necessary to get along in the society?

Are social skills really necessary in present-day society? Has the use of technology reduced our ability to function socially and to communicate effectively? How do you develop good social skills and use them most effectively?

I am sure that you have experienced people in this world who seem to lack even the most basic of social skills. They are socially awkward and they are lacking in interpersonal communication skills. There are many people in this world who march through the world as if they are the “bull in the china shop,” he socially. These people do not seem to recognize that other people exist and must function in the same world, or in the same space, as they do.

In social relationships, these people may seem awkward and difficult to communicate with. They may seem insensitive and sometimes disruptive. They do not seem to understand basic social interactions and so they seem to blunder through social experiences in often entertaining ways. (It is entertaining only if you have the right attitude and can identify the shortcomings of these people. When you are not in the right mood, these behaviors may be very irritating and annoying. And the sad thing is, that these people do not even realize that they have been annoying or that their behaviors have been lacking in good social skill.

In business, the lack of interpersonal social skills can be a real detriment to success and to long-term positive business relationships. There are many job descriptions where the lack of social skills is more accepted and perhaps even valued, however, it can create very difficult and awkward in situations in the higher functioning business activities. In social and business situations, you are often, but not always, given one chance to make a good impression and can be forgiven for a single social faux pas. Repeated social awkwardness can label you as unworthy for long-term business relationships. Depending on the business situation, there are behaviors, vocabulary, dress codes, and presentation skills that can either support or deter business relationships. If you do not know the appropriate behaviors, your blunders may really get in your way.

But where do you learn good social skills that can help you in interpersonal relationships and business situations? Many children, very early in their lives, learn by watching and interacting with the people in their lives. If their parents do not have social skills or if they are left too long with their young peers, they may find it difficult to get along in school, business, and interpersonal relationships. It can often be embarrassing and from this embarrassment a person can either choose the path towards greater self-awareness and development of social skills or they can continue to isolate themselves. All of us have had our socially awkward moments, but most of us who have gained success, have learned from our mistakes or awkwardness and have developed better interpersonal skills and effective ways of communicating and leading other people. There are even some leadership programs such as Toastmasters where people can develop better communication and leadership abilities. People who refuse to develop these skills can still be successful but may have a more difficult path to follow.

With the use of technologies, more young people do not have face-to-face contact and the opportunities to develop good verbal and nonverbal communication skills. This may cause social awkwardness in school, in business, and in developing important interpersonal relationships. Sometimes we have to quit text messaging and actually sit eyeball to eyeball with another person to learn the skills of both verbal and nonverbal communication. An important consideration is that we learn to trust our gut feelings in social situations and learn to read the people that we are interacting with. Again, there can be many times when we make mistakes and come across as “communication challenged.” We must learn from these important experiences.

Sometimes we need to find a mentor or a coach who can help us develop our own personal insights, awareness, and interpersonal skills. Since these skills are not always taught in school, even in college, we must honor the importance of these experiences and abilities and pursue them to be able to achieve our highest levels of success. I challenge you to find the best situations and mentors so that you can develop these social skills and find the success that you deserve. (Organizations like Toastmasters may be a good place to start.)

Please send any comments or questions to the Stress Education Center regarding these blogs. Please take good care of yourself.