Everyone benefits from loving or by being loved. It is human nature to want to “connect” with other people and the exchange of energy, for some people LOVE, is the very best part of the connection. Not everyone admits to needing or wanting love, but people who do claim to not need love are often in denial, for their own reasons.
Pets need love. Most people enjoy their pets because of the exchange of love and devotion that can come from this bond. Babies need love to thrive and survive. Babies need food, water, and a reasonably warm physical environment, but babies will not thrive without human contact and the exchange of a “loving energy.” If you do not believe me, read the studies of children raised in Eastern European orphanages where deprived babies lack physical, mental, and emotional development when raised without quality human contact. My point is that 99% of us require human bonding to thrive and part of this connection is labeled as love.
Getting the love that we need has been one of the complicated human dilemmas. People often strive for love and often can be disappointed, or worse. Timing is everything when it comes to connecting with other people for love. In most families a certain amount of love is exchanged because people connect more easily with other people whom they share genetic material. Parents usually love their own children, in part due the bond of sharing genetic material. But even in this relationship, if the timing is not correct, the bond of familial love can be weak or possibly non-existent. A challenge can exist if you look for, or expect, “unconditional love.”
By definition, “unconditional love” is given unconditionally. This often means, with no strings attached or no expectation connected to the sharing of this loving energy. “Pure Love” can be defined as unconditional. When a mother bonds with her new baby, a hormonal and genetic driven instinct can take over where the mother feels very strongly connected with her young offspring. Not every mother feels this way because, stress, survival, drugs or medications may interfere with this bond. When a mother is too stressed and possibly concerned with her own survival, this distraction can overcome the “chemistry” of maternal bonding. Fathers can also develop a loving connection and bonding with their offspring but this may be more challenging than simple maternal chemistry.
Beyond parental connection, there are a few other opportunities for connecting and developing unconditional love. Children raised with other siblings or people other than parents can develop attachments especially when mutual needs are met by these relationships. There are even times when close friends and “significant others” (life partners) can develop a chemistry that can include forms of unconditional love.
By my definition, “Unconditional Love” is pure connection and the sharing of energy that is given with NO EXPECTATIONs of any return. Thus unconditionally shared. To bask in the light and warmth of unconditional love is healing, nurturing, empowering, and enlightening. For many of us, it seems to be a rare and special experience. For some lucky ones of us, it is not so rare. I believe that most of us are born with an innate knowledge of what unconditional love and pure higher consciousness really is. We know it and can celebrate it when we can stumble upon it, unless we are in a “survival” moment. It is my belief that we can search for this pure form of love and energy, and we can occasionally find it. For me, such a time came when I was in a meditation near sunset and I experienced myself as a molecule of water surrounded by all other living things who were also represented as a molecule of water in a golden river of “life.” I felt the overwhelming feeling of connection and pure acceptance. (As if all other living things could resonate with the same vibration as we shared the movement along the “river of Life.”) This is not a common or even daily experience for me, but it is a feeling and memory that I will never forget. I have also seen this described by people interviewed after having a near death experience (NDE.) Perhaps, this is what “heaven” is like…
My wish is that every conscious living entity will be able to experience this brief, and lasting, feeling of celebrating in a state nirvana and know what is like to be free from fear and hate. Seek and celebrate any interlude you may have with Unconditional Love. Share this when you can… Peace!
Comments? www.dstress.com (wellness@dstress.com) or call 360-593-3833
Category Archives: Health
Manage Travel Stress
Though traveling can be fun, exciting and satisfying, traveling can be stressful. The nervous excitement manifests for the traveler in the same way that stress triggers your “flight-fight” response. Many people experience a range from subtle to devastating symptoms such as: racing heart rates, high blood pressure, “nervous” stomachs, head or back aches, poor sleep, anxiety, fatigue, loss of concentration, and perhaps even increases in compulsive behaviors. By the nature of travel, you are getting out or away from your “normal” life and this can make your subconscious survival mechanisms feel threatened, so triggering some, or all, of your basic (and primitive) survival techniques. Many people interpret this as the “excitement” of traveling, yet this mechanism can take away from the fun or productivity of your trip.
It is useful to know how to practice self-care and stress management while you are “on the road.” Relaxation strategies vary greatly for each individual responds in their own unique way to stress and also to stress management techniques. You must find ones that work best for you. You might consider the basic stress management strategies such as: getting exercise (go for a walk,) or simple breathing techniques (to relax muscles and to slow heart rates,) or forms of meditation or yoga (to quiet your mind, ) or more Western techniques like Autogenic Training phrases – Progressive Relaxations (to make you more “present” and in control,) or even visualization/imagery techniques. These techniques will work best when you practiced them before your travels and have developed some mastery over your stress responses.
While traveling, it may be difficult to watch your diet but you can consider controlling your consumption of caffeine or alcohol, if these contribute to your travel stress. Many people consider alcohol as a relaxation strategy, and for some people small amounts may be helpful, but this is not the recommended strategy for most people due to the potential negative outcomes (harm to your body or your mind.) Other drugs and medications are used but dependency and potential for abuse can be less than ideal.
Sleep problems are common while traveling. This can be made worse by stress. Lack of adequate sleep can also contribute to the increase of other stress related symptoms and also reduce the enjoyment of your trip. Planning for good, restful sleep while traveling can be difficult but worth your serious consideration as you make the plans for your travels especial on extended trips. Do not under-estimate the importance of good quality sleep and the impact on your productivity on a business trip or your enjoyment during recreational travel. Consider what you require for a good quality sleep and the amount of sleep you may find ideal.
It is best you to have awareness regarding your own specific needs and requirements before you travel and find the best techniques for you to use while on your vacation or business trip.
Please remember to take good care of yourself. If you need any targeted coaching regarding the best ways to manage your travel related stress, please contact the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com.
Accepting Death and Dying As a Buddhist
Accepting Death and Dying As a Buddhist (from thoughts regarding my wife & her passing)
In the course of blogging I want to serve people who are struggling with life’s lessons regarding aging and the final transition of dying with peace and dignity. Blessings to all of us who are on the path…
While confronting the challenges of mortality, I find myself engaged in emotional swings and wonder how an accomplished Buddhist might respond to the death of family member…
Does a practicing and accomplished Buddhist gracefully accept the death of close friend or family member? Is there a way to unemotionally accept the passing of a friend with the deeply held belief that the transition is nothing more significant than the cycle of day turning to night? Can a Buddhist clearly resolve that there is only joy in the spiritual evolving of a soul as they pass through physical death into the next incarnation?
Beyond the philosophical questions, can I ever truly feel the beauty that death will bring to my loving, graceful wife and not feel the despair in my loss of my close friend/wife? Should I avoid my pain by finding deep acceptance of her destiny in the tradition of a well practiced Buddhist? Will I understand the meaning of emotionally letting go of my fear, sadness, and the void of my loss?
There are times when I feel that I accept and understand the meaning and value of the transition of death, and times when I fight my personal despair. What is the perfect balance of these feelings???… And, will I be able to achieve the ideal balance to learn my lessons of this life?
Perfection and joy in the sadness of loss…
Feeling the release of my loved one from the pain, sorrows and limitations of this life…
Embrace the lightness, unconditional love, consciousness, and feeling of complete connectedness of after-life…
I was young and I was shocked when as a young man of my mid-twenties I received a letter from a person who knew my friend Judy who died while tubing in the snow on Mt. Shasta. The letter described in rational coolness the beauty of her passing into the next plain of consciousness to do her “work.” At the time, my loss and fear made me feel a lack of insight into the writer’s consciousness and separation from the Buddhist principle that was being shared with me… I was uncomfortable and yet attracted to this view of death and dying. Yet, sometimes I feel that I understand and emotionally connect with this insight. It is a freeing of my soul and spirit to spend moments in this consciousness…
How do I maintain this feeling longer? Should I recommend this state of consciousness to other people so they can be free to live without the limitations of fear, sadness, loss, anxiety, and anger regarding the process of death and dying?
Is my sadness a conditioned response to the accepted lack of acceptance of death and dying by my society? Has spiritual evolution and freedom of the soul been discourage by a fear based society that ignores death only to falsely celebrate youth and winning in life? Can I release my own need for drama to allow death a more normal and less emotional spot in my life?
My learning continues as I confront the thoughts and feelings that are so easily avoided by many members of our culture. As you can see, I take religion out of my struggles for consciousness and yet desire to embrace a philosophy born out Eastern beliefs that I do not know much about but somehow find comfort in the feelings of my exposure to this system. I know that far greater minds have contorted while examining these challenges so I accept that I may not have a final answer. There is something special in the struggle and the process engages me.
Please celebrate my struggle and enter into this dance yourself. Any input and feedback is appreciated.
Added perspective from my friend Patricia:
As I read your beautiful writing, something comes to mind for me that I learned from Buddhist Psychotherapist, John Welwood.
“According to Welwood, for the Western mind, this isn’t an either or in this situation, but rather a both/and. It is possible to feel both the beauty of a loved one’s passing, knowing that the absolute truth of the matter is that she is free from suffering and to also feel the relative suffering of your own personal loss. To do anything other than that is to by-pass your own human condition in some essential way and not listen to the wisdom that is inherent in the body. He calls this “spiritual bypassing.” Does this mean that we are conditioned to feel emotions in a certain way that our Eastern counterparts don’t? I don’t know….
I do know that I have moments when I understand and recognize the non-attachment Buddhism teaches, and many more moments when I do not. Mostly what I know is that when I try to force myself to think and/or feel a certain way when I don’t already, I wind up doing a small violence to myself by not acknowledging exactly where I am in any given moment, and then allowing something fresh to appear the next moment.”
Thank you, Patricia.
Caffeine Cause Anxiety Attacks
Caffeine Cause Anxiety Attacks
Since the dawning of the “Information Age” in the early 1980’s the pace of change has accelerated in our society. To keep pace with the explosion of new information and this rapid rate of change, many people have adopted a new coping strategy of increasing their consumption of caffeine. Caffeine is a drug. It is a stimulant which increases many of same physiological responses as the survival response known as the “Flight-Fight” response. It is this reaction by the body to the stimulation from caffeine that can trigger an anxiety-type physical reaction. Many people are unsuspecting and naïve regarding the full extent of this response to which often includes a common, and even, celebrated “rush” of energy. Knowing about this response can keep you from being a victim to caffeine related anxiety attacks.
As a stimulant, the effect of caffeine can be different from one person to the next. The amount of caffeine consumed, and then the amount actually absorbed by the body, can contribute to the range of reactions. It is not uncommon for caffeine to cause an increase in brain wave activity that can arouse a tired mind. This is the most desired response for many sleep deprived people. This can backfire on many people who may have a day long response to their morning coffee (or other caffeine source) because many people can not sleep well at bedtime as a response to this early caffeine consumption. This “vicious cycle” will then cause poor quality sleep/rest which requires more caffeine to get “up” for the next day’s activities.
The stimulation caused by caffeine can also increase heart rate and for some people increase their blood pressure as it simulates the release of excitatory hormones like adrenaline (epinephrine.) This rapid heart rate, when severe, can scare people, triggering the hormonal release which can cause a greater anxiety reaction. The frightening response to the physical associations of an anxiety attack can cause fear and can even drive people to the emergency rooms with the concern that the patient believes that they going to die from a heart attack. We have enough anxiety in our society without pushing ourselves over the edge with the stimulation of caffeine.
Caffeine can cause an increase in skeletal muscle tension as it triggers the classic flight response. This muscle tension can be distracting (loss of focus), cause fatigue, and in many cases increase the likelihood of increased muscle spasms and so, muscle contraction pain. In this way, caffeine can contribute to muscle tension headaches from the tightness of muscles in the jaw, neck, and shoulders. For people suffering from chronic muscular tension pain, this can contribute to their tension and pain. It will often cause an increased anxiety driven response to their pain which can intensify their chronic pain complaints. This is especially true for lower back pain and neck/shoulder pain, as well as the peripheral pains in the arms and legs that can be associated with back pain.
For those of you who use caffeine regularly, you should also know that there are plenty of cases of physical and psychological addiction to this drug. Many people feel withdrawal symptoms that are not comfortable when they try to discontinue their caffeine habit. If you want to discontinue, the best way to do this would be gradually over time. Substituting ½ de-caf into your morning coffee and minimizing other caffeine laden products will be helpful. Be patient and drink extra water!
In its defense, caffeine can be helpful for some types of headaches such as migraine headaches which can be reduced by caffeine or associated cafergot. (Cafergot is a brand name of the combination of ergotamine and caffeine.) With its stimulating effects on the digestive system, caffeine may also work as a laxative to minimize problems with constipation. Historically, European coffee “salons” were places where intellectuals could meet and have lively discussions while drinking brewed coffee which was more healthful than the untreated available water which was often contaminated with deadly diseases of the Middle Ages. The other alternative beverage for most Middle Age Europeans was to drink beer or alcoholic drinks which did not encourage good discussion, thinking, or productivity.
Since the 1980’s, our society has seen an explosion of coffee houses and Espresso stands. You can not get through any American city without being confronted by easily accessible purveyors of liquid coffee refreshments. Both young and old are caught in this “glamorous” habit with expanding zeal. A gift of choice is the insidious gift certificate for the expensive coffee houses. This has gotten to be big business.
Besides coffee or espresso drinks, caffeine is found in many products. Black teas, green tea, soft drinks, chocolate candy, and as an additive in many other products are but a few of these additional sources for caffeine. There are even a few products with commercial names like: Jolt, Red Bull, and RockStar that cater to the young caffeine crazed generation that seem to require higher concentrations of caffeine. I do not want to deprive people from indulging in these products, but people must be aware of what the effects of these products can do to their body’s and to people who interact with caffeine saturated folks. Many cases of “road rage” may be traced to the negative effects of over-caffeinated, stressed drivers.
Let’s have some common sense. Moderation is a great rule to follow, especially if you are one the people who are most sensitive to the effects of caffeine. Coffee businesses are not bad or the enemy, we just need to learn how use their products in the most appropriate ways.
L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading stress management expert and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training (at http://www.dstress.com) for articles, free ezine signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833. |
Stress Management Techniques a list
Stress Management Techniques a list
The book, Guide to Stress Reduction, is a cook book with recipes for relaxation and stress management. Find the formula that works best for you and read the step by step guided strategies for deep relaxation. The following is a list of some of the most effective stress management strategies from this book.
- Breathing Techniques: Diaphragmatic Breathing, 1-8, 1-4 1-4 1-8, Alternate Nostril Breathing
- Autogenic Training Phrases
- Active Progressive Relaxation
- Passive Progressive Relaxation
- 10-1 Countdown
- Visualization for Deep Relaxation
- Indirect Suggestions
- Biofeedback: temperature training, EMG, GSR/EDR, EEG, Cardio feedback
- Meditation for Relaxation: Yogic meditation, Kundalini, transcendental, Zen Meditation
- Hypnosis
- Goal Setting and Planning for Stress Management
- Communication for Stress Management
- Physical Exercise and Movement for Stress Management
There are also specific stress management protocols for working to lessen or eliminate certain stress related physical and emotional symptoms like:
- Chronic Pain Management
- Contolling High Blood Pressure
- Tension Headaches
- Migraine Headaches
- Gastro-Intestinal Disorders
- Poor Circulation – Raynaud’s
- Panic/Anxiety Control with Desensitization and PTSD
- Sleep Disorders – Insomnia
- Coaching to Increase Productivity from Sports Psychology
Through the Stress Education Center you can get coaching or training for you or your organization. You can also get the Stress Management On-line Course (Five sessions with handouts, biofeedback, and recorded stress management techniques.) Articles and this blog are available through the website. Consider whether this will benefit you and get more information at www.dstress.com.