Expectations

Part of our human drama includes living with expectations. A well used saying: “Expectations screw things up…” Because if you “expect” something to happen, then when it does occur, it is no big deal because you assumed it would happen and takes a part of the joy out of the accomplishment… And, when your expectation is NOT met then there can be levels of disappointment because you expected something else to have happened…
It is difficult to live without expectations especially if you expect that you can…

Expectations Definition:
a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
“reality had not lived up to expectations”
or
a belief that someone will or should achieve something.
“students had high expectations for their future”
Similar word:
assumption

Where do these come from and how do they affect your life?
External expectations from other people can cause emotional pressure and then there are internal expectations, which are often the more difficult to deal with…
In my world…

Expecting something, especially a personal accomplishment, leads to a diminished celebration of the accomplishment of the expected goal. ‘Cause you expected as much of yourself…

AND…

What if another person, or persons, “Expect” something of you. Their expectation creates an assumed compliance and accomplishment of the behavior, goal, or activity. Perhaps leading to a reduced appreciation due to the assumed expectation… “Well, I expected as much, of you…”
(When does an expectation become an assumed promise??? Even when it is an Unspoken desire.)

How does an expectation of oneself become a burden? For example, as I am getting older, I still assume and expect that I can do things (physically) which I used to be able to do like: run fast or run long or carry big boxes upstairs when helping a friend move… OR, my personal expectation that everyday I will be active and pursue activities of service and “high in value” as my life’s expectations of living at a highly productive level of service… When in my life is it OK to “kick back” and to slow down? When is it OK to rest without guilt? When can an active, assertive person be able, or allow themselves, to be passive? Clearly, I have not learned when or how to be “passive.”

When can my participation in allowing life to flow become an allowed, even celebrated, expectation? When is it OK to have passive participation as a witness or observer rather than down in the arena of active accomplishments. When is it OK to watch and to be the necessary “witness”??? For me, this answer is still in process…

What does it take to understand that when you want to do something “well” but do not have the skill or the strength or the experience to know that an expectation of high level achievement of a certain activity is actually unachievable. This is a struggle in “acceptance” and in “allowing” things to occur rather than as expected… I am not expecting perfection in all things but perhaps expecting an unreasonable higher level of ability based on memories or expectations from the distant past.
When is acceptance of “reasonable” success a victory and not an emotional personal defeat?

I am not saying do not set a difficult goal. However, the emotional baggage of a difficult or undoable expectation can make you feel like you are less than you are. My ego gets involved with internal and external expectations because it wants something that is not quite in hand. If I do not have this thing, will I be unhappy or think/feel that my life is unsatisfying, or a “failure?” Again, my ego has placed me in a no win situation and I can benefit from learning how to be aware and to check my ego’s created expectations.

Is there a graceful way to set limits on the expectations which other people may have for you and your available time and energy? You can not control their expectations or their response to you saying “No” or to your compromising negotiation. Oh well, you can not please everyone all the time. THAT would be an unaccomplishable expectation.

The drama of having expectations in your life and allowing these to affect the way you think and feel about yourself is a challenge to learn from. You are creating these reactions within your mind. A fully conscious spiritual person may take any perceived expectation in stride and instead focus upon the positive, joyful miracles of life. Even laughing or smiling at the misstep of failing in a personal expectation. Living in the “present” moment also helps to lessen the strong emotions which can be attached to a perceived expectation. No matter how you react you can work to maintain a level of higher awareness and perhaps a sense of good humor when a mentally constructed expectation flies across your consciousness. (These can look and feel very silly.)

No easy answers here but lots of great lessons/challenges to learn from. Just keep moving forward and expanding your awareness and consciousness. Share your learnings and wisdom. Find Joy everyday in the miracles you find. This is MY expectation of YOU! Fact, not expectation: You are a Blessing! You are Loved and a part of the Divine Spirit.

And. Finally, having expectations are common. Life is full of lessons learned by attempting new activities which are NOT perfect the first time. If these were perfect the first time, every time, then you have set the bar way too low to reach out and to expand your skills and to test your wisdom. I have learned more from my mistakes and failures than I have learned from my expected successes. Managing your expectations is useful. Learning from your mistakes is an essential part of living as a human. (Example. If we attempted to walk as a baby and fell down the first time and never attempted walking again, we would never have learned to run…)

You are a miracle. Your imperfections make YOU perfect. And, you learn most from your mistakes.

Born to Serve

With time for self-reflection, you may find yourself asking, “what is my Purpose in this Life?” The answer never changes though the manifestation of your “purpose” may seem to take different forms. In these days which are fraught with so much fear, anxiety and disruption, the answer continues to be that You are Here to Serve! And, you have so many great opportunities to be of service…

When I woke this morning, my Divine Guidance asked me to write a blog reflecting on why we keep returning to our Earthly lives. It is not that our soul’s existence between lives is unhappy or boring but we are attracted, like moths to a light, for the opportunity to serve. The “Drama” playing out as we act out our roles in our human form is very attractive to participate within. Many of us come to play the roles of Saints or of Sinners or the victims of either. We come with lessons and challenges to learn from and to create the opportunity for other souls to play off of us for their lessons and challenges. We serve by supporting other souls. AND, we serve by allowing other souls to support (or serve) us as the character we are playing in this drama.

We each bring unique perspective and skills to each interaction because we are each unique. We might stumble around bumping in to other people or situations and we have free choice regarding how we jump in and get involved, or seemingly, to not engage. Today, in the weird and wacky world we live in, we have so many great opportunities to serve. The expression, “You can throw a stick in many direction and you are bound to hit something,” strikes me as truth in this situation. The challenge I have for you, as you have read this far into this blog, is that you stay sharp in your awareness and put the filter of “Service” before your eyes to search for ways you can serve in your unique way. Yup, look for ways to say, “Thank You! You are a Blessing!” or “How can I assist you?” It really is that easy.

Be careful and aware of people playing in the role of desperate victimhood. They are just too easy to engage but your expectation of assisting them may be YOUR lesson. They may like being victims. They are good at playing victims. And, they may not be ready to let go of the victim role but, as a spider draws flies to its web, they may want your involvement in a never improving sub-plot. I am not saying to not assist or attempt to assist these folks. I am saying be careful regarding YOUR lesson of expectations in your service as a savior… Since we all have “choice,” consider what role you want to play in any interaction and test your wisdom from your unique life experience as you engage.

It gives “Joy” to serve. Our souls bask in the light of the giving of service and unconditional love (though there are usually conditions attached to how humans give “unconditional” love.) You have come into this life to “mix it up” and to interact with other pilgrims on our different paths toward higher consciousness. You are amazing! No one else could fill the role, you are acting out. Every person you bump into is a unique child of God and perfect in their way and in their role. Yes, even if they push your buttons, Especially, if they trigger you! So, remember to find your way to enhanced each interaction because YOU were Born to Serve!

You are a Blessing! Thank you for being you.

Thanks for your time and consideration. Your insights and experiences are unique and a blessing, so please share these…

If you are READY and looking for a supportive community where you can share your story, your wisdom, and grow spiritually in a non-religious environment, consider Masters of the Journey.
You are a Blessing! You are a Master! Your wisdom from your life experience can have great value to other pilgrims on the path toward awakening and enlightenment.

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Happy Valentines Day! Hold the Expectations

It is that time of year, again… The celebration of romance or the horror of the lack of romance. The sale of flowers, cards, candy, jewelry, balloons, dinners out, even fancy underwear will all be way up, but will anybody truly find any happiness? I like romance, but the pressure to be romantic and the expense of romantic expectations make me crazy… Yes, the “Stress Guy” gets stressed out by EXPECTATIONS… I am a victim of my own mind… But, so are the people who are fine, satisfied and happy without a significant relationship who somehow can feel lonely on this weird, and manufactured, holiday.

The part I enjoy is going out early on Valentines Day to the well supplied supermarkets. Usually, there are several “stations” set up for the desperate, last minute male Valentines buyers to race through in their anxiety, fear, and clueless-ness. Yup, tables of flowers and cards and candy and jewelry and balloons, etc… Then, I stand in line with desperate men and remind them that they have forgotten one or more of the items, and then watch them leap out of line to obtain the forgotten expectation.

Does anybody really feel loved when they receive a pile of Valentine expectations??? Romance is NOT dead, we just do not have enough time or money these days… The handmade gift or card or dinner seem more thoughtful and loving to me, but what do I know… I have been told by higher authorities on romance (like my sister) that one red rose is more romantic than a mega-buttload of red roses. (Mega-buttload means a lot of…)

Sincere acknowledgement should be enough, and often is, unless the nightmare of run-away expectations somehow take over. Please be gentle, and appreciate the thought, even if it is simple, pure, and innocent.

And, by the way, to the memory of my loving wife, I treasured our time together. As always, please be my Valentine….