Category Archives: awareness

10 Tips to Survive the Holidays

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    10 Tips to Survive the Holidaze

The Holidays are more stressful and overwhelming, now.
Do you want to be happier and healthier this holiday season?
Would you like to enjoy the holidays more?

This article is devoted to Holiday Stress Survival Tips to improve quality of life through the holidays.
This holiday season will be stress filled. World economic swings and terrorism have created conditions that have changed our holiday celebrations. Attitudes towards travel, being with family, celebration in the face of fear and sadness, will make this year’s holiday season different than in years past. Adjustments will help to create new ways of participating in the holiday events. These can be both positive and negative. Consider new traditions in self-care. Search for community support that will open your heart to the joys that are possible in this season.

Remember the things that are the most stressful are the things that you care the most about, but have the least control over. World events, the economy, the way people respond, and our families (and children) are major stressors that we wish we could control, but often can not.

1. Schedule Time for Self-Care!
Regular exercise and time for stress management are a must. Find what techniques work best for you, and use these tools. This is non-negotiable time devoted for your health and well being.

2. Eat Well
Moderation is the key. Do not use alcohol or drugs for stress management. Do not “over” celebrate. Avoid fast foods.

3. Avoid Caffeine
Minimize the impact of caffeine on your life.

4. Plan the Holiday… Set some limits
Do not over spend your financial and emotional resources.

5. Control Your Expectations of:
Happiness, Joy, Sadness, and Loneliness

6. Be Nice to Others
Give compliments and smile. Around negative, anxious, or rude people, take a breath and remember that you do not need to get pulled into other people’s holiday misery or their craziness.

7. Reach Out for Support
Talk with “stable” friends or family, or clergy, or mental health counselors.

8. Humor Helps… Have Fun
Laugh daily, if possible.

9. Stay in the Present!
Mentally and emotionally, do not be consumed by things that happened in the past or fear events in the future. Enjoy the people you are with and make the very best of the situation that you are in.

10. Find the True Spirit of the Holidays

Share this with those people who you love or care about. Contact us with your questions or comments.
Please take good care of yourself.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for articles, free ezine signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

The Secret to Finding Balance in Life

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There are major areas in your life that when left unattended can lead to a lack of balance and prevent you from full life satisfaction. You can be a victim to a lack of awareness regarding these areas and suffer from physical or emotional symptoms including anxiety, depression, headaches, pain, abdominal complaints, and reduce productivity (due to unconscious distractions.) With awareness and action you can use your new balance to be more productive, prosperous and healthy.

Find the 8 essential areas of your life and learn to honor the ones that you do not make time for in your life. This will help to re-prioritize your life and give you greater balance as you pursue your long term goals and aspirations. The 8 essential life areas include: career, finance, family, friends/relationships, education/life long learning, health, creativity/aesthetic, and honoring the spirit. If you do not have a plan for honoring each of these 8 areas then you may not have balance and may have to fight to sustain emotional and physical health and well-being.

The first two areas are obvious and many people spend time and energy working to fulfill these areas. Career relates to your work and the satisfaction that you may achieve through being productive. Many people need to address their work/career if they find themselves under-satisfied by the job that they are employed to do. Training and mentoring can lead to more appropriate career paths. Finance includes current and future plans for financial stability and security. Long term planning is required and impulse control is necessary to help maintain your long-term planning until you achieve your financial goals. There is a great deal of support regarding these two areas and so society tends to focus on these areas but these do always provide life balance or satisfaction by themselves.

“Family” is an area that relates to the closest relationships that we have. The importance of having close ties to your family can vary a lot. Some people require large amounts of contact with parents, siblings, and children. If this were true for you, you have to make time to maintain these relationships. Some people are not as connected or attached to these close family relationships and so they may require less time and attention to maintain their balance. Career and other life distractions can move this area to a seemingly lower priority but this can be a huge mistake and in some cultures, family, is the highest priority. This support is very important and should not be shuffled to lower priorities. If you neglect this area, you may suffer emotionally and physically. Remember that “quality” of time with family is more important than quantity. Do not miss your opportunities for good, close connections even if your schedule is an issue.

“Friends/Relationships” like family are important, but individual needs vary. Time with chosen, “healthy” friends is important. This support both giving and receiving is critical for most humans. These are relationships that can be as intimate as husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or intense coupling that seems born into our genetic code. When your life is tested by change or tragedy, close, healthy friends and relationships can be critical. Time in your life may need to be allocated to find, build, and maintain these relationships. We all have different levels of needs. Remember that the quality of these contacts is more important than quantity, though people with need for drama in their lives may want to argue about the need to quantity of time for relationships.

“Life-long learning” is the pursuit of knowledge or wisdom that allows you to move forward in your life. Sometimes it is specific to career development but it can also relate to information that can allow for better decision making or following a passion in your life. To not expand your knowledge can lead to a weakening of memory. Studies have proven that an active mind is less likely to suffer of the early onset challenges like dementia. Life is more interesting when you challenge yourself to expand consciousness and information.

“Health” is a “no-brainer” when it comes to balance and life satisfaction. Investing time and energy in keeping fit and eating “right” is an individual but necessary requirement for the most productive life. Bad habits can, and should, be changed, either reduced or eliminated. Substance abuse is a very temporary distraction from pain or anxiety (fear-anger) and does not offer long-term solutions but can lead to long-term impairments. Challenges can “run” in families but this is no excuse for caving in as a victim to poor health. Time spent on health and wellness actually saves you time and money, in the long run. Companies who tract wellness programs often find a cost benefit of $5, or more, for every $1 spent on wellness. This is true for the quality of your life and even your levels of productivity. DO NOT USE “no time” as an excuse. You will save time by practicing stress management, getting regular exercise, and eating better.

“Creativity and Aesthetic” pursuits are not simply producing arts and crafts. Not everyone has talent for this type of creative endeavor. Everyone does have an appreciation for some form of art or natural beauty and we must invest resources in finding the activities that touch your aesthetic needs. Maybe a hike or trip to a museum will meet your requirements and give you balance. Planning a once a month visit to experience a beautiful natural environment or man-made work of art, or going to a performance, or listening to uplifting music can all qualify for creating satisfaction in this area. Being distracted by TV, video games, or movies may not be enough… Exploring your requirements for quality aesthetic exposure is important and is often ignored, with poor long-term results in life satisfaction.

Finally, “Honoring the Spirit” is an area that requires attention. There may be an over-lap with attending to aesthetic or creative pursuits because pursuing the spiritual requirements may have more to do with feeling good in your heart than chasing a philosophy. So religion or religious pursuits do not always involve the true celebration of spirit. Religion can be cerebral or political in ways that may feed the mind but not always the soul/spirit. Do not take this area lightly. When you do not know how to nourish your true spirit you run the risk of having fears and anxieties about important transitions like death/dying, parenting, or aging that when left unresolved can lead to serious emotional imbalance. Everyone has different requirements for honoring or celebrating spirit. Do not fall into the trap of taking on someone else’s belief. FIND YOUR OWN PATH.

If you are unclear how to pursue engaging in any of these areas in your own life, consider finding a mentor or life coach who you can trust to assist you at examining the specific needs you may have in your unique situation and life. If you need assistance, consider the Stress Education Center for this life coaching (www.dstress.com.) But remember, honor your own needs and find a way to incorporate these areas into your life. Life satisfaction may be the biggest and best reward. Take good care of yourself.

Coping with Grief and Loss – a Process

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We all suffer from loss in our lives. Sometimes the loss relates to transitions through life that are normal and expected states of growth and development such as moving from childhood, through the teenage years, and then into the adult responsibilities that confront most people. Though this is a difficult transition, we must all face this if we live past our 18th birthday. There are more serious or traumatic losses that many of us encounter such as the death of close family member or friend, the loss of health due to accident or illness, the loss of an important relationship, or possibly the loss experienced with a career change or loss of a job. These are difficult times and hard lessons to experience in the course of life. These losses, though potentially painful, can be times of learning and personal growth. Many of these transitions can be less distracting and with a greater potential for learning if you have a positive support network. Here is the dilemma. Most people do not have a network of healthy, positive supporters to allow for movement through difficult transitions with grace and healing perspectives.

We can learn from our painful transitions and losses. We can wade through these changes more gracefully, and possibly with less discomfort, if we have the best team of support surrounding us. Some people look for professional counselors or coaches, or perhaps clergy to help with difficult transitions. Some of us have personal mentors who can be trusted and who have the necessary communication skills to assist in times of need. Some of us have healthy relationships, friends or family who can help without too much of their own “baggage.” Many people do not have enough access to the positive supporters who can help us through the grief that life throws at us.

There are many books and potential sources of information which help us to understand the process of dealing with loss and grief but for most people reading about the grief process is not enough. We need to be supported by a personalized experience that we can gather around us as we muddle our way through our emotional and spiritual pains of loss. We need to be “touched” by the proper support in many ways. We need to be allowed our grief and yet “called on it” when we have gone past the limit and start the “wallowing process.” We need to find the exact, personalized process to assist in managing the stress, anxiety, pain, confusion, and the “emptiness” of replacing the part of ourselves which has been lost with the more experienced and empowered person who has survived a major change/loss/growth…

Each of us need to find the best way to learn our lesson and then to move on into our new, restructured life. We need to learn the best way to take care of ourselves, benefit from the lessons, and then discover the most appropriate directions to move our new life. To do this, we need to find people we can trust and invest the resources into the process of self-care and self-development so we can move down the path that leads to our goals. This is easier said than done, but if you realize that you would survive this transition more easily and possibly more quickly with positive assistance then you must do the work and find the correct support you require.

In the future, we will be expanding and releasing information regarding a new program which can assist most people in developing an individualized transition plan. We are beginning to build a process for creating a positive support network which will enable participants to discover their strengths, accept their weakness or flaws, and to free up energy to invest for moving toward positive goals and enhanced lifestyles. The working title for this process is “Finding Your Tone.”

Please comment or send questions to the Stress Education Center at wellness@dstress.com or visit the website at www.dstress.com.

Caregivers and Stress

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There are no easy answers. You love or care for another person and there is no way that you can “fix” the person. They may be sick or hurt or in some sort of difficult situation and no matter what you do, you can not make the “challenge” go away. You are, by some definition, a “victim.” You have “no control” over what happens or how your person of concern is going to respond to their situation. Sometimes you have to “just sit on your hands” while the situation “plays out.” I do not like being in this situation. I want to be actively doing something to help, or at least running around trying to get the healing energies flowing, but this does not always prove useful or may not have any degree of success in changing the situation.

Parents feel this way about their children as they put their kids out into the world to live and to learn the lessons of life. People feel this way when their aging parents begin to fail. Spouses will often feel this kind of helplessness when their partner has been impacted by a severe health or financial challenge. Indeed, most of us who have made it into adolescence have experienced relationships that can evoke this feeling of concern without the power or control to save, or at least help, our friend, family member, schoolmate, or co-worker. People are “caring creatures” much of the time. Our need to nurture and care are “higher functioning” activities that often set us apart from other creatures on our planet. But, though we are often born with this desire to nurture, we are not taught how to deal with stress or anxiety of caring for another person (or pet) when we can not really fix the situation.

Caring without having control can cause anxiety and can lead to depression. In my own life, as a caregiver for my wife, I have experienced the closeness that caring can bring to a relationship and yet the stress and depression that can come from a situation that does not come to a positive resolution, is very difficult to live with. As I have advised others, I practice stress and anxiety management. I get regular exercise. I try to eat in a “healthy” way. I maintain friendships that are positive and therapeutic. I keep busy and productive. BUT, I have those moments when I lie awake, with a mind that will not stop its endless chatter, filling me with worry and concern for my beloved partner. There is not much else I can do but worry, but worry is not helpful.

There are times when my consciousness will drift into a place of spiritual insight and feel the power of these lessons. Though my heart is heavy and my mind races with anxious thoughts, deep inside I touch the source of some unclear wisdom regarding the “point” and the lesson that I am struggling to learn. My only thought for you, if you find yourself in this predicament, is to calm yourself as much as possible (not an easy request) and then go deep within to bask in the light of unconditional love. Find and celebrate the lesson. In this case remember that you can not “push the river.” Sometimes we must just find the feeling and the wisdom of acceptance.

And, do not forget your need for self-care to help sustain you through this difficult lesson. Also, celebrate every moment. Try not to live in the past or in the future. As is said, “Be Here Now!”

Please take GOOD care of yourself!

Ovarian Cancer Rant

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This is a personal rant regarding my feelings about ovarian cancer. As many of you know, my wife, Barbara, passed away in early 2012 after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer 8 1/2 years before. We were given a terminal diagnosis. Barbara lived bravely and stoically fighting her disease as best she could. I recently saw a video that was posted on Facebook and it was Pierce Brosnan speaking about the death of his first wife and one of his daughters to ovarian cancer. And so it triggered this personal rant.

After living with this disease, I know that there is very little that you can do to prevent this horrible disease. However, I still wish that there was a better way to diagnose and treat ovarian cancer. From personal experience, I know that the early symptoms mimic many other conditions and diseases and so make it very hard to catch ovarian cancer in its earliest and most treatable stages. There will come a time when the researchers and medical community will be able to turn a woman’s immune system against the disease and defeat it with fewer of this scars and side effects that come from the current treatments.

Please consider learning all of the earliest signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer and do not let your loved ones suffer the deadly consequences that ignorance allows. If it is within the realm of possibilities for you, please consider giving a donation to fund the research to help better diagnose and treat ovarian cancer. If nothing else, please share any information that you can with the women that you care about so that they will be better able to prevent the difficult life that one has to lead with a diagnosis of ovarian cancer.

I will provide a link to the information regarding the early detection of ovarian cancer. If you have any questions about whether you may be suffering the early stages of ovarian, know that a blood test, the CA–125, may be the best early detection that is available for us today. Ask that your doctor take any symptoms of bloating or abdominal distress seriously, unlike the doctor that missed Barbara’s diagnosis for eight months, despite her repeated concerns. I do not know if an earlier diagnosis would’ve been helpful but my anger has not abated even after a decade. The Ovarian Cancer Organization http://www.ovarian.org/symptoms.php

And hopefully, you will never have to deal with ovarian cancer. You would benefit from remembering to always hug your family and friends and tell them that you love them.

Back to School

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Its Almost Time for Fall

Today, I am shopping for school supplies for my “little brother,” Mr. Ethan. Ethan is now 13 years old and is entering 8th grade. He has been my “little brother” for almost 4 years. We have had this school supply ritual for the past 4 years as we prepare for another school year. We both feel the optimism of the fresh start and have hopes for a school year filled with success. There are many memories of school preparation that I recall from my own student years and the years of raising my 2 sons. I remember battling with my father to squeeze 6 or 7 dollars worth of new school supplies out of him. It was the only nightmarish part of returning to school. My sons and Mr. Ethan do not have difficult memories of getting my support for their academic experiences.

In the United States, the school year usually begins at the end of the Summer months and in the beginning of the Fall season. There is a lot of history for me of major life transitions at this time of year. Besides school starts, I remember that my mother passed away on September 10th, the night before 9/11 in 2001. I have experienced relationships begin or end in the Fall. I remember jobs starting in the Fall. I remember moving and travels and my birthdays and many other significant experiences that historically have happened to me in September and October. To be honest, I have mixed feelings regarding the period that transitions from the end of Summer into the Fall seasons. Everyone has these anniversaries than can affect the emotional sensitivities of certain dates or of specific times of the year. Every year my wife asked me about how I am doing with my emotional survival at this time of the year because she has had to weather some tough Fall seasons with me in the 29 years we had together.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Fall. I love the change of weather and the days growing shorter. I love the football season and the World Series. The changing colors of the leaves and the crispness in the early morning air are things that I celebrate. And yet, after living for 60 years+, I have ambivalence about what life may bring in these coming months.

I challenge you to reflect on your own memories and feelings about the changes of these seasons. Perhaps, for you, there are other times on the calendar that inspire you emotionally and historically as Fall challenges me. If nothing else, if you live in the Northern Hemisphere remember to begin to prepare. Gather fire wood. Harvest nuts for the Winter. Make your nest safe for coming cool and wet months. And, as always, gather your family and friends for a chance to enjoy the fading warmth and light as the seasons change.

If you live in the Southern Hemisphere, forget all this maudlin drivel and get ready to celebrate Spring and your warm lazy days of Summer…. There is always a different perspective to embrace.

Take good care of yourself. If you require support or assistance with stress or anxiety consider contacting the Stress Education Center for coaching or group trainings at www.dstress.com and send your emotional blessings to my “Little Brother,” Ethan, as he embarks on his fresh academic start.