Category Archives: Stress Management

Thoughts That Keep You Awake: Better Sleep

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Almost every one of us has had our sleep interrupted or prevented by uncontrollable thoughts that run through our conscious minds. Reduced quality of rest has a negative effect on our performance and quality of life in many situations. So learning to control these distracting thoughts, or perhaps better, preventing these thoughts from racing through our minds, when we should be sleeping, would be a positive. Easier said than done…

I have had difficulty with avoiding certain anxiety producing conversations with my wife at bedtime or just after the “lights go out.” This is not unique because this can be a good time to have an undistracted conversation. However, an unsettling conversation as I am trying to let go of the thoughts of the day can open the doors for consideration of the dilemmas of life which can prevent an easy path to a restful sleep.

These conversations can be important and necessary. It is just the timing of these moments of communication that I find difficult. There are better times in the day to work on these important subjects. The bottom line is that at “bedtime” there is not much that you can do with the new information other than ruminate or fret over it.

The things that are the most stressful are things that you care the most about but which you can not control. As an example, parents usually care about what happens to their child (or children) but often the parent can not control every detail regarding what our offspring will be confronted by. When we experience difficulties with jobs/careers, finance, relationships, health concerns (for ourselves or our loved ones,) changes in our economy, weather, or even the process of aging, we can find ourselves troubled by distracted minds stressed by these events that we have little or no ability to control. These distractions dance through our minds and set off our primitive survival responses and this, in turn, does not allow our minds to relax and drift into soothing, restful sleep.

Medications can relax some of the systems that can keep us awake. Drugs can mask the emotional challenge, but not solve the roots of this challenge. Drug use can also lead to physical and emotional dependency which creates more problems. Better solutions include appropriate communication and problem solving. Some people can benefit from adjusting their attitudes realizing that the things they can not control may be better tolerated if one learns to accept the issue and to build a more solid emotional foundation to help stabilize our responses in these difficult times. (Again, easier said than done, but worth developing as a preventive mechanism.)

Self-care will help give you strength to tolerate these difficult situations. Physical exercise, eating well (healthy), and regular relaxation/meditation will help. Counseling which can help create emotional and spiritual support may be helpful, additionally. Most importantly, deal with your challenges during the day. It may not be best to discuss, or to mentally work on these issues at bedtime.

The 50 to 1 Countdown exercise that I teach in other blogs, articles, and in the book is a great technique to help quiet the mind and promote a deep and restful sleep. Consider trying it. For more individualized coaching, consider our professional coaching for enhancing performance and productivity by contact us through the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress Education Center’s website

Please take good care of yourself.

Fanning the Flames of “Media Created” Anxiety

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A Break From Unnecessary Drama

Do you ever feel caught up in the “Media” frenzy when disasters strike? Do stories regarding dramatic weather, or planes landing in the Hudson River, or banking scandals, or babies born by “in vitro fertilization,” or even celebrities faux pas ever seem blown out of proportion by “Hype?” We news consumers are often bombarded by the media as they attempt to gain, and then hold, our attention…

Tips for gaining control of your life…
The news media is more than a source for information and current events. It has become a “roller coaster ride” of drama and self-aggrandizement. We consumers of these presentations are swept up and our visceral anxiety responses are fanned into a frenzy. But why are swept up in this media blitz of emotion?

Since the dawning of the “Information Age” in the 1970’s, we have been steadily drawn into an escalating 24/7 need for worldwide news and the media has provided us with anxiety producing excitement from every corner of the world. Technology allows this instant communication and seems to encourage our “need to know” mentality. We “need to know” because we have a very primitive survival mechanism that stimulates our external focus on any threats, even perceived threats that may exist thousands of miles away, so our unconscious minds can protect us by preparing to fight or to flee from “danger.” When the Flight/Fight Response is triggered, our reactive, survival mechanisms take priority. We can react with “knee jerk” habitual patterns that are unique to our learned responses, but are born from the survival reaction. One major reaction that occurs for many people under threat is a reduced ability to creatively problem solve and communicate effectively. We react and often do not really think things through. When this occurs, mistakes can be made. Accidents can happen. People or projects can get hurt. Relationships can be harmed. Our world can suffer by becoming a victim to poor rational thought in cases of fear or media driven anxiety. It is an extra “heaping, helping” of annoying distractions that take us away from self-care, focus on priorities, and creative pursuits that promote productivity and well-being.

Just before 9/11/2001 our news media changed. Do you remember? About 3 months prior to the terrorist attacks on New York, Washington, DC, and Pennsylvania, the television news media upgraded their reporting to include, not just a “talking head” (reporter) giving us the “news” but also text messages flying by on the bottom of the screen, and often a graphic on the left of the “talking head.” Now we have to deal with 3 sources of information simultaneously. This multi-tasking creates added frenetic anxiety in coping with this increased input. Have humans evolved to keep pace with this new use of technology? When we are threatened, we have a response that NEEDS to know what is going on around us so that we can take action and survive any threat. We are often overwhelmed. We have learned to cope by becoming unconscious regarding this media craziness. The media fights to keep our attention. The media has evolved their approach to sensationalize their coverage, to yell at us even louder, with more graphic events that “demand” our attention. Even the weather news whips us with “STORM” coverage that makes weather events major news, even when it occurs hundreds of miles away!

To combat this media blitz on our senses we must do three things. First, we must become aware that we can become victims to sensationalism that may not necessarily be an immediate threat, and filter the news so that we can respond more appropriately. Secondly, as my friend Rodger Ruge suggests, we should consider a media “Fast,” where we reduce and limit the amount of media news that we subject ourselves to. For many of us, turning off the news, especially before bedtime, would be a very good option. The third necessary step is to practice self-care and strengthen our emotional foundations by eating better, avoiding caffeine, getting regular exercise, and practicing daily relaxation.

Awareness of the media frenzy can help protect us and our children from the “overwhelm.” Since the mid 1980’s, we have been deluged by new technologies that force us to react to news and information that is swirling around us. We have experienced: pagers, fax machines, cable TV with 500 channels, Cell phones, text messaging, e-mail, internet information, changes in media coverage of world “disasters,” “robo-calls” at dinner time, and huge expectations that we are plugged in 24/7 and can respond instantaneously even when we are driving our cars…. This is crazy making! Some people can handle this gracefully, in fact, some people can thrive in this environment. But most of us are just victims to our technology and can benefit from setting some limits on the ways that we use, and react to, our technologies… We need to evolve and to create survival strategies that meet our unique, individual requirements.

Please be smart and figure out how to “not become a VICTIM” to the media and our newest technologies!

When we see natural disasters on the TV, we think that we filter the visceral effects on our survival systems, but our unconscious often reacts to the possible threats that are perceive through our visual and auditory senses. When we witness “coverage” of war zones, murders, attacks, rapes, fires, or vehicular accidents, we may believe that this does not affect us at a “conscious level,” but we are still triggering the flight/fight response in some systems at an unconscious level. Have you ever noticed your heart race or your gut tighten when confronted by news or movies? Does your neck, jaw, or back react to accidents or disasters that you witness in person or on TV? Do thoughts of “media images” ever pop into your conscious mind as you try to sleep? We are bombarded by negative media attacks almost everyday.

Do media pundits ever whip you up with their “news coverage” or editorials so that anger or fear seem to rise to the surface of you or your loved ones? This can be emotionally and physically hard on our systems…. Be aware and do not get caught up in the media circus, if at all possible.

Final note. Many people are studying and applying the principles of the “Law of Attraction” believing that goal setting and positive attitudes toward achieving these goals is essential to success. World class competitive athletes have been using these “Sports Psychology” techniques in their training regimen for decades to achieve advantages in mental preparation in their events. When we get caught in the sensationalized, negative reporting by the various media we are sapped of our positive thoughts and energy. We lose our focus on attracting success and positive outcomes. In fact, we can be overwhelmed by negativity. This can strip you of your ability to problem solve in positive and creative ways. Negative thoughts can attract negative outcomes, mistakes, and ill health. Avoiding negativity (and negative thoughts) can be a path to better health and lead to positive outcomes. “Dwell in the Light” (Choose “Joy”) and when you feel overwhelmed, consider turning off the negative newscasts and immerse yourself in a book or audio program, or a video that will inspire you with positive; thoughts, actions, and emotions.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading stress management expert and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website www.dstress.com. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Commuter Stress Management – Celebrating Beauty

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I had a brief visit with “Mr. Scruffy” as I rode in to work one day. It was good to see him. He was perched on his regular lamp post as he scanned his domain. I was blessed to live on Whidbey Island in the Puget Sound, northwest of Seattle, WA. The Northwest has many beautiful sights to behold. There are the Olympic Mountains, the Cascade Range, the San Juan Islands, the Puget Sound itself, and the many types of wildlife that grace our landscape. In my neighborhood, there are at least 30 Bald Eagles that live much of the year within about 5 miles of my home.

That day, I set a new eagle spotting record, for me, as I drove to work in Coupeville. I counted 7 eagles perched in various trees along my way. There were 5 white crowned mature eagles and 2 immature eagles. I was looking for them on my familiar drive into the office. With every sighting my heart felt joy and I felt that nature was allowing me a special moment. (FYI, I have become familiar with some of my special neighbors and my wife and I named “Scruffy” because he appears older and unkempt compared to some of the younger mature eagles we see. But know that “Mr. Scruffy” is beautiful when he flies. He reminds me of Peggy Fleming, the ice skater, because he is graceful, elegant and without wasted effort as he soars the winds over Whidbey Island.)

I am in my tenth year of living in the Northwest, having moved from Sonoma County in California’s “Wine Country.” Sonoma County is also a beautiful place to live, though traffic and increasing population has added challenges to that part of our world. There are no Bald Eagles in my old neighborhood, but there were many other magnificent features of nature. Sonoma County has grand Redwood trees, amazing coast line, rolling pasture lands, oak grass lands, and of course, the vineyards that are picturesque any time of the year. Though I am vigilant when I am driving, I celebrate the beauties of the natural world when I drive down all but the most congested of roads.

In my first book, I coached “commuters” to play a game as they drive to or from work. Within the common sense limits of safety, I ask them to look out into their world and notice something new on every commute. Or, I ask that they find an aesthetically pleasing natural, or even man made, object to celebrate. Perhaps a pleasing or unique cloud formation or a classically designed house or building. Maybe a special vehicle drives by. Or for me, the noticing of birds or wildlife makes me appreciate the present moment of time. And that is the lesson… release your thoughts of past or future events and bask in the present moment, in a “positive” way. Smile as you celebrate the sharing of a special and unexpected sighting. At the end of your commute, whether arriving at work or at home, you will feel less stressed and better focused to get on with the next activities of your day.

This technique may not work as well in speeding Los Angeles freeway driving or when gale force winds threaten to blow your car into another lane of traffic but in many other situations turning your focus to something positive and being in the “present” can create a better commuter experience. I challenge you to find, and then celebrate, the best sights that you might encounter upon your commute. Find beauty or find the most interesting things that you experience along your way. Try it. It works!

Drive carefully and DO NOT TEXT MESSAGE while driving, ‘cause that is dumb!

For more stress management suggestions which can assist you as a commuter, go the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com

Heart Disease and Stress

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Whether you are consciously aware of your body’s response to stress or not, everybody will have their cardio-vascular system respond when you are subjected to stress. For many people, the primary habitual response to stress manifests with significant changes their cardiovascular system. If your life was threatened, your body will respond with the “Flight-Fight Response.” This response would prepare our bodies to fight or to flee in a life saving reaction. The way this response may affect the cardio-vascular system includes: increased heart rate (to pump more blood to muscles and brain for survival,) changes in the pattern of relaxed blood flow (the blood is directed to muscles and brain and away from hands/fingers, feet/toes (they get cool/cold), and digestive/reproductive organs,) and increased blood pressure.

This suggests that the heart rate changes and blood flow patterns change when you are in survival or in a “stressed out” mode. 70% of people with high blood pressure have “Essential” or “Situational” hypertension which means that their blood pressure goes up in the doctor’s office as a response to fear or anxiety. This can also be referred to as “White Coat” hypertension. High blood pressure, if chronic, can damage blood vessels, the kidneys, and makes the heart have to work extra hard to pump against the higher pressures in this system. This can lead to severe health problems. Warning: since this is potentially very serious consult with your physician and get the proper tests to determine how your body responds.

Denial regarding the important negative effects of stress is very common with people who suffer from heart disease. Since reducing stress seems impossible, people ignore the positive results can occur. People, for convenience, will gravitate to medicines to control symptoms of heart disease but the side-effects can be very costly and sometimes the positive results from medication can be limited. Please consider “connecting” with your heart and your body to gain control of your habitual response to stress.

Learning to relax includes learning to “Let Go” with the circulatory system. This will include, slowing heart rate, a vasodilation of blood vessels to reduce blood pressure, and the warming of the hands and feet. All of these responses are exactly opposite the stress response.

Stress can also raise the level of free floating cholesterol which the body produces and releases to patch tears in blood vessels that can occur when the blood pressure goes up. Over time this repair work can create “hardening of the arteries” which also can lead to fatal health challenges like heart disease, strokes (CVA’s), and kidney damage.

If you have had a “by-pass” operation or stents placed in a blood vessel to keep it open or if you wish to help to prevent these situations, consider using regular relaxation, getting more physical exercise, and making dietary changes to prevent this situation from getting as bad as it can, as fast as it will. If your genetics pre-dispose you to cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, or elevated cholesterol then seriously consider these steps to prevent damage and possible early death.

Articles at our website describe stress management for high blood pressure techniques that can help to lessen the possible negative effects of life’s stress on your systems. Look for the article on Temperature Training Biofeedback as an important add-on which allows the process of self-awareness and stress management to work most effectively. Go to the “articles” page at the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com for access to this information.

You can get back in control of your body’s habitual response to holding stress in your cardiovascular system with 8-12 weeks of regular practice. These practices will end up saving you time and energy, but may also add “quality” years to your life.

Holiday Survival

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Happy Holidays… They are headed our way, ready or not!

I know that for many people this is easier said than done… It is the season for high expectations of happiness, joyful family gatherings, and limitless supplies of good food and cheerful gifts. Most of the time, expectations seem to mess things up! This time of year can make people irritable if not crazy because we expect so much of ourselves and the people around us. Sadness, depression, and anxiety begin to peak at this time of year for many people. Many people are struggling with financial challenges, even homelessness and these people can feel left out of Happiness in the Holidays. Illness and losses of family or friends, even from the past, can make this season difficult traumatic to celebrate. The short days and Winter weather for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere also can take an emotional toll on the Holidaze. There may be changes of schedule, travel, or dietary changes that can make positive, joy filled celebrations a bit difficult at this season of the year.

Consider the Holiday Survival Tips from the article below. This can be found in a more printable form at the Stress Education Center’s website, www.dstress.com, on the “Articles” page.

Please take good care of yourself and have some sympathetic understanding of people you may meet who may be struggling during the Holiday Season.

Holiday Survival tips
10 basic strategies to more gracefully survive holiday stress. Written by L. John Mason, Ph.D., Author of the Bestseller; Guide to Stress Reduction.
Are expectations of happiness in the holidays making you sad? Do you want to be happier and healthier this holiday season? Would you like to enhance your holiday stress management skills?

This holiday season will be stress filled. World economic swings and terrorism have created conditions that have changed our holiday celebrations. Attitudes towards travel, being with family, celebration in the face of fear and sadness, will make this year’s holiday season different than in years past. Adjustments will help to create new ways of participating in the holiday events. These can be both positive and negative. Consider new traditions in self-care. Search for community support that will open your heart to the joys that are possible in this season. Remember the things that are the most stressful are the things that you care the most about, but have the least control over. World events, the economy, the way people respond, and our families (and children) are major stressors that we wish we could control, but often cannot.

1. Schedule Time for Self-Care! Regular exercise and time for stress management are a must. Find what techniques work best for you, and use these tools. This is non-negotiable time devoted for your health and well being.

2. Eat Well Moderation is the key. Do not use alcohol or drugs for stress management. Do not “over” celebrate. Avoid fast foods.

3. Avoid Caffeine Minimize the impact of caffeine on your life.

4. Plan the Holiday… Set some limits. Do not over spend your financial and emotional resources.

5. Control Your Expectations of: Happiness, Joy, Sadness, and Loneliness

6. Be Nice to Others Give compliments and smile. Around negative, anxious, or rude people, take a breath and remember that you do not need to get pulled into other people’s holiday misery or their craziness.

7. Reach Out for Support Talk with “stable” friends or family, or clergy, or mental health counselors.

8. Humor Helps… Have Fun Laugh daily, if possible.

9. Stay in the Present! Mentally and emotionally, do not be consumed by things that happened in the past or fear events in the future. Enjoy the people you are with and make the very best of the situation that you are in.

10. Find the True Spirit of the Holidays Share “the Spirit” of this holiday with those people who you love or care about. Give love and support to the people of the world. Volunteer or go out of your way to be thoughtful and kind. A smile or a hug can go a long way. Sometimes it is just listening… Show others that they have value and that you are aware of their special qualities.
Even learn to let others give to you!

Healing Secret

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Do you believe that someone else “Heals” you? Or, do you believe that you heal yourself? When you get a small cut or scratch how does your body repair itself? When you get exposed to a cold virus how does your body fight off the virus infection? These are mysteries that are just being explored. A doctor in an emergency room can set a bone, or put stitches in a wound, or restart your heart, or prescribe a medication like an antibiotic which can save your life. This demonstrates the mastery of medical arts, but does this heal you?

The power to heal is within you. People with faith may believe that the holy spirit can help the healing process or is it the “belief” in the holy spirit that actually supports the healing? The magic of the body hunting for an infection, building anti-bodies, and then destroying a bacteria or virus or even a cancer cell is still not well understood by medical professionals. There are many who believe that healing can be enhanced by the power of the focused mind.

I bought my wife a crystal that has healing properties, as told to me by the shop keeper. Perhaps the crystal focuses a healing energy that can not be measured by current scientific monitors or perhaps a person’s belief in the healing properties of the crystal are what rallies the patient to enhance their own healing mechanisms. In many ways, it does not matter whether the crystal does the healing or the faith in the crystal provides the healing, but…

From past experience in coaching clients, I have witnessed the power of the positive suggestions offered to enhance the healing process. The positive focus and concentration upon the positive end results and a soothing or calming environment can help promote the healing process. Many clients have responded well, physically and emotionally, to positive visualizations and suggestions, but I can not claim to know why this happens. I do know that the safe way I practice this use of suggestions does not hurt them and it is meant as an adjunctive process to traditional medical protocols.

I have seen “miracles” (or unexplained benefits) occur. As an example, I had a woman in her mid-twenties come in to my private practice with a diagnosis of a hyper-active thyroid and the symptoms that go along with this diagnosis. She said that she had been treated by an endocrinologist for 4 years with little positive result. Her symptoms included: hyperactive behavior, skin breakouts, bulging (protruding) eyes and high levels of thyroid hormone in her blood tests. I told her that I had not worked with this diagnosis (this was early in my career) but as we discussed her life she seemed to respond to information about biofeedback and stress management. We discussed a process that involved relaxation with Autogenic Training and a targeted visualization of blue light and coolness surrounding her thyroid gland to reduce blood supply to her overactive thyroid. It seemed to make sense to her and she went home to practice these techniques. 4 weeks later her skin was better. Her eyes were not bulging. Her energy levels seemed better under control. AND, her doctor found no trace of excessive thyroid hormone in her blood test. She felt that her success was due to her relaxation and visualization of a positive result. She used the power of her mind to heal herself in a measurable way. I loved this experience but I can not really explain the positive result.

I believe that we have the power to help keep ourselves healthy and we can be a big part of the healing process. I recommend that we get diagnosis and support from our medical professionals especially with our personal physicians but we should not always assume that they will heal us… We have a big part of this responsibility and we need to do our part.

I do not know whether a crystal helped my wife but I like to think that she may found emotional support in the belief that a positive environment helped her invest her own healing energies in appropriate ways. I also know that other people’s prayers, healing thoughts, love and positive energy can give great comfort and support. This may assist the healing process by having positive effects on the mind, emotion, and spirit of the person receiving this support.

Heal yourself. Share love and support with people who need healing. Allow them to bask in the healing, spiritual golden-white light of your unconditional, loving thoughts and prayers.

Contact me through the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com for more healing examples or coaching on how this might benefit your healing process. Please take good care of yourself.

Dangers of Ignoring the Impact of Stress: Why are we in denial?

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Have you ever experienced any stress? Is the world more stressful now than it was 20 years ago? Have you ever experience physical or emotional symptoms that are made worse as a response to stress? Do you believe that the best solution to stress is getting drunk or taking drugs?

I ask these questions many times per month to groups I train or individuals I coach. Without exception, people respond by saying that there is plenty of stress out in the world. It can be a distraction and effect physical and emotional health.

Now I ask you, what do you do, on a daily basis, to control your responses to stress? Do you meditate or practice stress management for 20 minutes per day? Most people say that they are too busy for 20 minutes of relaxation. People think that there is some easier way to control stress like taking medication. It is not convenient to practice stress management, so why bother to do it? The other response that many people use when confronted by the challenges of stress is to a point a finger and then blame someone or something else, rather that to take any responsibility for ones own habitual response to life’s stress.

Do not believe me without testing this out for yourself, but most people find that by practicing 20 minutes of deep relaxation, daily, they will actually save time and energy. Research suggests that 20 minutes of deep relaxation can take the place of as much as 2 hours of sleep and the sleep that you do get will be deeper and more restful. When I first heard this statistic I did not believe it, as most of you will not. I tested the statement and after 3 months I discovered that I required less sleep. Instead of needing 8.5 hours of sleep, I was getting rested with only 7 hours of sleep. So I invested 20 minutes and required 1.5 hours less sleep time, so I came out ahead by one hour and ten minutes. Many of my Executive Coaching clients, after I convince them to try the 20 minutes of stress management, report that they get more work done in less time, with less energy, because they are better able to focus and make fewer mistakes. I challenge you to try this activity for 8-12 weeks and find the benefits that will surface.

People resist trying new things even if these “new things” are good for them. In fact, people are so overwhelmed that most of us are apathetic about taking good care of ourselves. We simply do not have the energy to care… Making time, even just 20 minutes per day, is painful and difficult. Motivation is low for using stress management preventively. Stress can cause headaches, high blood pressure, insomnia, rapid heart rates, anxiety, depression, GI complaints, sexual dysfunction, back or neck pain, and poor quality of life, and yet most people would rather develop annoying or dangerous symptoms rather than practice stress management…

Most people have an unconscious need to get beaten up by stress as if it were their badge of honor for surviving our hectic world… There are a few genetic immunes who thrive on stress, with no sleep, and they make the rest of us mere mortals look bad. These “immunes” are in denial and stress will eventually affect their health or their relationships in negative ways. In Japan there is a word “Karoshi” which translates; people who work themselves to death. There is an addiction to work in our society and we need to be aware that the long term consequences of this attitude are high costs to our health, relationships, and quality of life.

When we are younger, we can get away with not sleeping or self-care. We are young and strong and flexible, but as we get older, we lose our flexibility and our strength. We have to learn how to do things smarter instead of “muscling through.” If we don’t, we will pay the price and our denial will not save us from our suffering.

Things in life that are the most stressful are the things that you care the most about but that you can not control. The only thing that you can control is the way that you respond in these difficult situations but this can take time and effort.

Please take your head out of the sand and take good care of yourself. Even if this means spending 20 minutes per day with stress management. It will save you time, energy, and even money in the long run.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading expert on stress management and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training. In 1978, he opened the Stress Education Center www.dstress.com.

Dangers of Ignoring the Impact of Stress

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Why are we in denial?

Have you ever experienced any stress? Is the world more stressful now than it was 20 years ago? Have you ever experienced physical or emotional symptoms that are made worse as a response to stress? Do you believe that the best solution to stress is getting drunk or taking drugs?

I ask these questions many times per month to groups I train or individuals I coach. Without exception, people respond by saying that there is plenty of stress out in the world. It can be a distraction and effect physical and emotional health.

Now I ask you, what do you do, on a daily basis, to control your responses to stress? Do you meditate or practice stress management for 20 minutes per day? Most people say that they are too busy for 20 minutes of relaxation. People think that there is some easier way to control stress like taking medication. It is not convenient to practice stress management, so why bother to do it? The other response that many people use when confronted by the challenges of stress is to a point a finger and then blame someone or something else, rather that to take any responsibility for ones own habitual response to life’s stress.

Do not believe me without testing this out for yourself, but most people find that by practicing 20 minutes of deep relaxation, daily, they will actually save time and energy. Research suggests that 20 minutes of deep relaxation can take the place of as much as 2 hours of sleep and the sleep that you do get will be deeper and more restful. When I first heard this statistic I did not believe it, as most of you will not. I tested the statement and after 3 months I discovered that I required less sleep. Instead of needing 8.5 hours of sleep, I was getting rested with only 7 hours of sleep. So I invested 20 minutes and required 1.5 hours less sleep time. I came out ahead by one hour and ten minutes. Many of my Executive Coaching clients, after I convince them to try the 20 minutes of stress management, report that they get more work done in less time, with less energy, because they are better able to focus and make fewer mistakes. I challenge you to try this activity for 8-12 weeks and find the benefits that will surface.

People resist trying new things even if these “new things” are good for them. In fact, people are so overwhelmed that most of us are apathetic about taking good care of ourselves. We simply do not have the energy to care… Making time, even just 20 minutes per day, is painful and difficult. Motivation is low for using stress management preventively. Stress can cause headaches, high blood pressure, insomnia, rapid heart rates, anxiety, depression, GI complaints, sexual dysfunction, back or neck pain, and poor quality of life, and yet most people would rather develop annoying or dangerous symptoms rather than practice stress management…

Most people have an unconscious need to get beaten up by stress as if it were their badge of honor for surviving our hectic world… There are a few genetic immunes who thrive on stress, with no sleep, and they make the rest of us mere mortals look bad. These “immunes” are in denial and stress will eventually affect their health or their relationships in negative ways. In Japan there is a word “Karoshi” which translates; people who work themselves to death. There is an addiction to work in our society and we need to be aware that the long term consequences of this attitude are high costs to our health, relationships, and quality of life.

When we are younger, we can get away with not sleeping or self-care. We are young and strong and flexible, but as we get older, we lose our flexibility and our strength. We have to learn how to do things smarter instead of “muscling through.” If we don’t, we will pay the price and our denial will not save us from our suffering.

Things in life that are the most stressful are the things that you care the most about but that you can not control. The only thing that you can control is the way that you respond in these difficult situations but this can take time and effort.

Please take your head out of the sand and take good care of yourself. Even if this means spending 20 minutes per day with stress management. It will save you time, energy, and even money in the long run.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading expert on stress management and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training. In 1978, he opened the Stress Education Center www.dstress.com.

Thoughts About Dealing with Grief

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What is the process of surviving grief? How can we manage to go through the stages of grief and learn the lessons that this experience is demanding that we learn? Can we enhance the processing of our grief so we can get through it most gracefully and maximize the benefits of this painful process? Can we be assisted by others involved in grieving or by a coach who can guide you through this unique experience? Can we maximize our learning as we process our grief AND serve others by sharing the process?

Everyone is different and each experience of loss and grief is unique. Since loss and grief are unavoidable experiences in life, can we engage in a process that can maximize the benefits and the learning that comes from this painful, but common, experience in life? In fact, from the moment we are born into the world we experience loss. From the warmth and safety of the womb, we are cast out into the world with the rudeness of cool air and gravity after the loss of our mother’s warmth and the buoyancy of floating in our prenatal environment. We must learn to adapt to the changes and the growth that living provides. With every learned adaptation we release our old self and enter into experiencing the world with new information and insights. This is how we develop from being a baby to growing into a child and finally into the more adult stages of life. With every step of growth we take there is a loss of innocence and we try to make the most from each of these developmental steps.

Most people admit that the support of family and friends can ease the pain of growth and enhance the essential learning and development along the way. A supportive group of fellow life explorers or trusted coach can make the processing most beneficial. For many people, our parents, siblings, and immediate family can serve as these mentors, coaches, or guides, at least for a while. Teachers, neighbors, and our youthful peers often take over but these relationships lack the bond that immediate families CAN have. (We must learn the tough lessons of selecting wisely the mentors that appear along the path of our life’s developmental stages. Mistakes are made that offer the opportunities to learn from the testing that life provides.)

At some point in our lives, we are challenged by significant losses. It may be the loss of parents or siblings or friends. It may be the loss of home environments or pets or experiences (like classrooms.) Or, you may suffer the loss of a spouse, a relationship, a divorce, a child, your health, your career/job, or your innocence as your life flows through the testing times of your life. Perhaps one of the most difficult experiences of loss is the loss of yourself or of your faith.

We are all unique and the unique differences make everyone’s experience of loss (and, in fact, every unique loss) a special unique challenge. My loss of my parents may have prepared me for the loss of my wife in some ways, however, the loss of the unique relationship I had with my wife is very different, for me, from the experience of the death of my parents. I am sure that everyone reading this article has your own series of unique losses experienced by the adventure of living your life.

In my research and from my personal experience, I believe that grieving your loss will move more quickly, if not easily, with enhanced learning opportunities if you have the “right” support. The support of healthy family or friends makes the process less lonely. The positive perspective of healthy friends will allow you to learn your lessons better. An experienced coach or therapist can be beneficial in mentoring you through this process, and it is a process that requires your time, energy, and your motivation. Not all friends, coaches, mentors, clergy, or therapists are “right” for you and your unique requirements so do not settle for the first person who appears, if you do not feel that they are perfect for you… Perhaps you will require a team of supporters and coaches. Sharing your grief and the “story,” repeatedly, will assist most people to wend their way through this difficult process. But, do not fall victim to the trap of getting stuck in your own “victim” place for too long (easier said than done.) Also, give the “gift” of allowing other people to give you support!

Ask yourself, if you can thank your loss for the lesson that you must learn. Can you be a better person due to the learning the lessons of this loss? Use the terrible pain of loss as a time of self-awareness and learning. It can be an experience that will ultimately enhance your self-esteem. The wisdom of surviving this painful experience will serve you in future travels through your life.

Avoiding dealing with grief often prolongs the process.

Keeping too busy can be avoidance.

My Pain, comes from My Loss. It is difficult to understand, how you will fill the “void” created by your loss.

Your anger may be an expression of your personal loss of control. People can get stuck in their anger.

People fear being alone and avoid their own company because they may feel driven to immerse themselves in another person’s life to avoid learning to accept their own life’s flaws or imperfections.

Please share if appropriate and send feedback to the Stress Education Center.

PS August 19th is the date of my wedding anniversary. I feel the loss of my wife from January, 2012 as I write. The lessons I have learned, AND continue to learn, from this loss are very important to me and my growth. Blessings to you readers and tell your family and friends how much you love them… Do not miss this opportunity.

Women and Stress In the Modern World

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Need for Stress Management for Women

I believe that everyone is experiencing higher levels of stress in the “Information Age.” The pace of change has accelerated to the point where we are forced to confront more changes and faster paced changes in this day and age, than at any time in the past. Just the pace of development of new information has many of us just spinning to keep up. I remember getting my first new personal business computer in 1989. The hardware and software, though getting old, were still plenty functional for 3 years. I bought a new computer two months ago and I have had to “upgrade the software several times since then and the hardware was “old” when I was taking the machine out of the box.

Since the 1960’s, the pace has increased and roles have changed. There are more women in the work force (with jobs outside of the home/farm.) In fact, in many parts of the country/world, most families require more than one person in the work force just to meet the daily expenses of living. In the early part of this working revolution, there was an assumption by many companies that men should receive more money (higher pay for the same job) because they were the “bread winners” for the family. This has not changed in many parts of this world. There were also many limitations imposed for women in the level of their career developments. Though these attitudes are changing (in many parts of the world), there are still areas that have not been completely addressed. For example, how many working women come home from work with the old expectations that they are responsible for the “homemaking” duties like: dinner preparation, cleaning, shopping, and childcare. Men are gradually, though often grudgingly, taking on their share of many of these tasks (except where the cultural or religious beliefs discourage this evolution.)

Women have special stress management requirements and considerations. Women are often taught (most unconsciously by their families or communities) to not complain about the two careers that they assume, working outside the home and also as the center of home activities. Women need to take care of themselves better, more so now than ever before. They must be better role models to their peers and children in the skills that are needed for self-preservation and improved quality of their lives.

Today, women need to get regular exercise, eat better, and take time for relaxation. Everyone needs to make time for self-care that can also include continuing education, spiritual development, positive relationships, and financial and career planning. The challenge is to find the time and the “support” necessary to make this happen. I know that without this self-care, you are left with a “burned-out,” unhappy, and unhealthy person who the family and the greater world will find, in the long-run will not be able to make the positive contributions that would be ideal. We need to support each other more now ever before. We need to encourage greater health and happiness for all women.

Some men believe that playing aggressive games like football or racquetball are relaxing, and most of the time they are wrong, but women also have their misconceptions about what is relaxing. Women tend to get together with friends or family for meals out, shopping, even “pampering.” Sometimes these activities are not so ideal or even relaxing. Every woman is an individual with her own requirements and needs. Spending money, shopping in crowds, binging on foods (desserts,) even breathing fumes from getting your nails done are not always the most healthy choices. If you do not know what is really “right” for you (and your body) then consider getting some lifestyle coaching and test the options until you “know” what is best for you and what really works. The investment in time and money will save you time and energy in the long run and definitely improve your quality of life. Also, remember that close relationships are important and can be important for stress management. However, healthy relationships start with “healthy” partners/friends and “needy”/demanding friends are not always helpful for personal stress management. (Make good choices where you spend your time and energy…)

Along the way, do not forget to take good care of yourself! Be present and enjoy everyday. Enjoy time with your family and good friends. Find time for gratitude!
Good Health!

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training through the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com.