Category Archives: Business Coaching

Social Skills: Are They Necessary?

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Social skills: are they necessary to get along in the society?

Are social skills really necessary in present-day society? Has the use of technology reduced our ability to function socially and to communicate effectively? How do you develop good social skills and use them most effectively?

I am sure that you have experienced people in this world who seem to lack even the most basic of social skills. They are socially awkward and they are lacking in interpersonal communication skills. There are many people in this world who march through the world as if they are the “bull in the china shop,” he socially. These people do not seem to recognize that other people exist and must function in the same world, or in the same space, as they do.

In social relationships, these people may seem awkward and difficult to communicate with. They may seem insensitive and sometimes disruptive. They do not seem to understand basic social interactions and so they seem to blunder through social experiences in often entertaining ways. (It is entertaining only if you have the right attitude and can identify the shortcomings of these people. When you are not in the right mood, these behaviors may be very irritating and annoying. And the sad thing is, that these people do not even realize that they have been annoying or that their behaviors have been lacking in good social skill.

In business, the lack of interpersonal social skills can be a real detriment to success and to long-term positive business relationships. There are many job descriptions where the lack of social skills is more accepted and perhaps even valued, however, it can create very difficult and awkward in situations in the higher functioning business activities. In social and business situations, you are often, but not always, given one chance to make a good impression and can be forgiven for a single social faux pas. Repeated social awkwardness can label you as unworthy for long-term business relationships. Depending on the business situation, there are behaviors, vocabulary, dress codes, and presentation skills that can either support or deter business relationships. If you do not know the appropriate behaviors, your blunders may really get in your way.

But where do you learn good social skills that can help you in interpersonal relationships and business situations? Many children, very early in their lives, learn by watching and interacting with the people in their lives. If their parents do not have social skills or if they are left too long with their young peers, they may find it difficult to get along in school, business, and interpersonal relationships. It can often be embarrassing and from this embarrassment a person can either choose the path towards greater self-awareness and development of social skills or they can continue to isolate themselves. All of us have had our socially awkward moments, but most of us who have gained success, have learned from our mistakes or awkwardness and have developed better interpersonal skills and effective ways of communicating and leading other people. There are even some leadership programs such as Toastmasters where people can develop better communication and leadership abilities. People who refuse to develop these skills can still be successful but may have a more difficult path to follow.

With the use of technologies, more young people do not have face-to-face contact and the opportunities to develop good verbal and nonverbal communication skills. This may cause social awkwardness in school, in business, and in developing important interpersonal relationships. Sometimes we have to quit text messaging and actually sit eyeball to eyeball with another person to learn the skills of both verbal and nonverbal communication. An important consideration is that we learn to trust our gut feelings in social situations and learn to read the people that we are interacting with. Again, there can be many times when we make mistakes and come across as “communication challenged.” We must learn from these important experiences.

Sometimes we need to find a mentor or a coach who can help us develop our own personal insights, awareness, and interpersonal skills. Since these skills are not always taught in school, even in college, we must honor the importance of these experiences and abilities and pursue them to be able to achieve our highest levels of success. I challenge you to find the best situations and mentors so that you can develop these social skills and find the success that you deserve. (Organizations like Toastmasters may be a good place to start.)

Please send any comments or questions to the Stress Education Center regarding these blogs. Please take good care of yourself.

6 Keys to Sales Success & Personal Prosperity

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Sales Prosperity – Success Tips
Including Tips for Sales Managers

#1 Know Your Strengths and Challenges

If you want to more productive and prosperous in your sales activities, you must begin by knowing where you are strong and where you have challenges. You will not benefit from “sticking your head in the sand.” By knowing and understanding what you do well and what requires more attention, you can improve your productivity. There are several ways to gather this information.

Assessments which are specific for determining skill levels in the sales process can be very helpful. This works especially well when we can “benchmark” the top performers in your organization, so you can compare your skills with the most effective sales personnel. Assessments which measure your behaviors and motivations can also be powerful tools to better understand your unique skills and motivators. These behavioral assessments will also tell you about your style of communication and can assist you in learning how to be more effective in communications with your clients. Interviews with clients and people who know you and your work can also be useful for this assessment process.

#2 Know Your Product

Any good sales people know that product knowledge and understanding your “USP” (unique selling proposition) is essential for setting you and your product in the best possible light thus enhancing the sales process. New sales personnel do not always have to be “experts” but they do need to know the strengths of their product and how it might compare with major competition. Developing relationships and getting the information you may not be able to answer to your clients questions becomes essential when you are new or are developing new relationships.

#3 Know Your Customer

Understanding your customer, in general, is important. Understanding your customer, in specifics, can be the difference in the sales process. You can not be lazy or make assumptions to have long term success. A tailored proposal based on your client’s specific requirements is necessary to close the deal, so do your homework. If you do not know THEIR “hot buttons” then they will not pay attention to you or buy your product or service!

Knowing the attitude and style of specific customers will be very useful when you put your presentation together. For example, your client may be a “detail” person, or perhaps a “cutting edge” person. Your sales pitch will vary to best connect with the unique character of your client. You can be coached in how to be the most effective in building your targeted presentations.

#4 Know How to Communicate Benefits to Your Customer, Effectively!

Understanding your client is essential. Knowing how to best communicate your “USP” in ways that solve your clients’ challenges will help you to most successful. So, knowing your product’s benefits, and your clients requirements, packaged for the unique communication style of your client will lead to sales. This is easier said than done, but can be learned and then practiced for the greatest levels of success.

#5 Know How to Focus and How to Follow-up

Understanding the sales process and setting goals is important. Perhaps even more important to sales success is knowing how to stay focused and releasing the distractions which can get in the way of your positive efforts and waste your precious time. Focus is a skill that can be coached and developed. If you have time to waste then this skill is not as important, but most successful people are very busy and need to be able to keep themselves clear and focused on their goals.

Appropriate follow up with clients provides the experience of professionalism, respect, and customer service that helps to build long term successful relationships. Great follow up will also lead to referrals and testimonials that will generate future business. Over performing in your follow up activities will be seen as exceptional service and this leads to greater productivity and prosperity.

#6 Know How to Prepare Yourself for Prosperity and Success

Wanting to be rich and successful is not enough to create this higher level of success. Preparing yourself for achieving your goals requires time, effort, and often feedback. Attracting success and prosperity has become a recognized part of the sales process for the most successful sales performers. You can read books on this topic or go to trainings. If you wish to take the quickest path to prosperity and to overcoming any personal blocks to success, you may want to consider getting coaching that is designed for your specific requirements. Everyone wants to be successful. Not everyone knows how to get there with some extra support from an accountability partner. (It can cost you some money to be successfully coached, but it can also pay major dividends to have this additional support.)

Sales Success Tips for Sales Executives-Managers-Owners

Do you want to get the most out of your sales force? Would increased productivity help your organization’s bottom-line?

Benchmarking your best producers is very useful. Knowing their skills, their motivations, and their behaviors will help you to avoid wasting time and money when filling your critical sales positions. Understanding your weakest performers can offer you the information you need to develop these low performers or to avoid hiring them for your unique sales situation. With your best sales performers benchmarked, you will be able to develop the most effective training programs to increase productivity in all your sales team. Each organization is unique so do not get outside consulting or training that does not fit for the specific requirements that you have.

Would you like to pay coaches or trainers based on your teams success and not on a flat fee basis? If a trainer or coach could help you or your sales team increase sales by 20% would you be willing to pay a 2% of this increase or 10% of your increased profit for this service? This is similar to a 10% “finders fee” for a productive referral. Besides benchmarking, your success may require coaching and training for your sales team. Consider a lower cost coaching/training model with an incentive driven compensation system. In some situations, I will coach sales teams and get paid a percentage of the increased sales business. For this to work, we need to do an assessment of your sales staff, research the market, and better understand the unique selling features of your product or service. If we can both profit from this sales development program, then we can discuss the percentage of compensation and the time lines for compensation. There are some fees for the assessment process which cover the costs of research and for program development.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading stress management expert and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training. His experience in guiding sales teams and individuals has succeeded in increasing profits and productivity. If you want to be more successful, call Dr. Mason for a proposal.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for Stress, Sales Management, Coaching, and Training for other articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833. www.dstress.com

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the http://www.dstress.com for Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

10 Steps to Manage Anger in the Workplace

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1. Identify who is angry
Train your managers and employees to identify the behaviors that can signal an anger challenged co-worker and have a positive system that will report these behaviors to management for further investigation. Do not wait.

2. Identify why they are angry
Interview reporting staff to determine whether indications warrant further review. Interview subject to determine why they may be angry at work. Offer positive solutions for individual stress and anger control or refer to EAP if appropriate and available.

3. Find solutions to organizations’ culture as it pertains to anger
Do not stick your head in the sand. Tackle the possible organizational issues that may be creating the stress and anger within your organization and work to solve these challenges.

4. Train leaders to create a culture of civility
Leadership comes from the top down and must address the issues with resolve. If anger is inbred in an organization’s leaders this becomes a difficult but important concern. The costs of anger are too high, in the long run, for an organization to be most productive and long standing. Retention of key personnel becomes an issue, if the leadership creates a culture that tolerates, or encourages, anger in the work place. Legal issues will also become an issue that cuts profits and productivity.

5. Train managers to identify anger and manage teams/individuals with issues
Managers require training, support, and good leadership. Coaching or mentoring managers, especially new managers who have risen from technical backgrounds, becomes an essential ingredient for most successful organizations. This will also reduce turn-over, sabotage, and legal challenges.

6. Train employees to control their stress and anger appropriately
Give all of your employees the tools they need to manage their own individual stresses and anger. Do not assume that they will learn civility and self-management outside of work. Though this requires time, resources, and management attention, it will pay off in increased organizational productivity and employee loyalty.

7. Manage organizational stress and transition management
Learn how to manage your organizations transitions and help your executives and employees survive the stress at work. This will prevent problems and create an environment where positive performance can thrive.

8. Create an anger management program for individuals with clear goals
When someone has an identified anger management challenge, it may be a great management decision to assist your personnel with a anger management program rather than replacing these people or expecting and outside agency to fix your “problem.” Programs can be tailored for your specific requirements. Some have a 2 day seminar and individual coaching if individuals require additional support. Other organizations may have on-going, and mandatory, groups for people identified with anger challenges. External coaches or therapists are often hired for these programs so confidentiality does not become an issue in the work environment.

9. Take immediate action: Zero tolerance of anger and violence
Tolerating anger displays or violence is dangerous. It can send the wrong message and opening your organization up to harassment law suits. Leaders must be strong with this Zero Tolerance.

10. Offer ways to speak out safely about issues to prevent anger and violence (be open to creative solutions)
Create venues that allow people to be heard. Respect diversity of opinion. Create a safe way to express appropriate levels of stress and frustration. Always look to build a better environment and culture.
To implement these principles can require resolve and leadership. Many organizations require coaching and consulting to make these deep changes to their culture. The pay-off can be found in increased productivity, loyalty, and more creativity to problem solving.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living

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This extreme concept has reason for examination, even today…

“I’m sure you’ve read this quote before: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates said that at his trial for heresy. He was on trial for encouraging his students to challenge the accepted beliefs of the time and think for themselves. The sentence was death but Socrates had the option of suggesting an alternative punishment. He could have chosen life in prison or exile, and would likely have avoided death. But Socrates believed that these alternatives would rob him of the only thing that made life useful: Examining the world around him and discussing how to make the world a better place. Without his “examined life” there was no point in living. So he suggested that Athens reward him for his service to society. The result, of course, is that they had no alternative and were forced to vote for a punishment of death.”
Quote from an article by Karl W. Palachuk

But what does this say about YOUR life?… Do you plod through your existence with your eyes focused only on your work or present task, or do you focus on a larger perspective of examining your place in a large frame of reference? Do you question what you hear on the TV or on the internet or in the newspapers or even from your teachers or ministers? Do you spend time and energy adjusting your life’s direction to create better opportunities to serve? Do you challenge yourself to learn new things, no matter what your age or circumstance? Do you risk the fear and anxiety of discovering the deeper secrets of your own existence? Would you confront a found flaw or weakness within yourself to help to make a better YOU? Do you ask for feedback from counselors who do not let you take the easy path through life? Finally, do you place yourself in new experiences to test yourself so that you can “stretch” and to grow emotionally and intellectually?

Many people just give up. They think that they already know everything that they need to know about themselves and their world. They are lazy. They are too scared to risk change. They may be too frightened to challenge themselves and their beliefs with new perspectives. They risk being bad role models for the next generation by not living on the edge and continuing to self-examine and to grow. It is safer and easy to live with old ways of thinking and long held values, but the world, and consciousness, is changing too fast to tolerate, and reward, this anachronistic way of being/thinking. In fact, if you are not thinking FOR YOURSELF someone else’s thought will guide your life and these may not be a good fit for your lifestyle. It takes courage to find, and develop, your own path. It takes courage to stand out and to speak out for your own personal truth. But it is worth it!

Finally, what is the path toward true wisdom? Does wisdom come from self-awareness and the deepest levels of personal knowledge? Some people believe that the purest form of wisdom and knowledge can only be approached by the most self-aware people or those basking in the unconditional love and acceptance that we experience after we move beyond our physical constraints of life… What do you believe?

Keep moving forward or risk dying (at least emotionally)… Challenge yourself! Never fall into the trap of thinking that you are too old to learn or too old to change.

I would love your thoughts and your feedback. Please contact me through our website at the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com.

What Makes a Manager a Bad Boss

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Survey Results

Do you want to avoid becoming a bad boss? Do you fear that you may already be considered a bad boss? Just want to commiserate with other people who have bad bosses? Here are thoughts about what makes a bad boss, well – bad?

Survey Results from a readers survey conducted by Susan Heathfield regarding:
What makes a manager a Bad Boss

1. 37% reported: The Manager provides little direction.
2. 21% said The Manager micromanages or “nit-picks.”
3. 15% said, The manager belittles and puts down staff.
4. 12% said, Little or no recognition for success or hard work.
5. 8% said, The manager is indecisive and seemingly changes direction at whim.

Bad bosses, in order of their frequency in the survey, do the following.

Love “brown nosers”, tattletales, and relatives who report to them. They choose favorite employees and cover up and make excuses for the poor work of their incompetent favorites. They ignore selected people and discriminate against many employees.

Fail to communicate, and may not even have, expectations, timelines or goals. Bad bosses change their minds frequently leaving employees off-balance. Bad bosses change expectations and deadlines frequently.

Use disciplinary measures inappropriately when simple, positive communication would correct the problem. Bad bosses ignore employees until there is a problem, then pounce.

Speak loudly, rudely, one-sidedly to staff. Bad bosses don’t provide the air time for staff to respond to accusations and comments. They intimidate people and bully staff. They allow other employees to bully employees.

Take credit for the successes and positive accomplishments of employees. They are equally as quick to blame employees when something goes wrong.

Fail to provide rewards or recognition for positive employee performance.

Additional characteristics that were reported included the bad boss:
1. Is not qualified for the boss job by either skills or experience.
2. Will not let go of problems or mistakes. The bad boss returns to discuss negative events continually and searches for faults in employees.
3. Will not accept constructive feedback and suggestions for improvement. The bad boss can’t deal with disagreement from employees who have their own opinions about work related issues.
4. Lacks integrity, breaks promises, and is dishonest.
5. Does not have the courage to deal with a difficult situation despite knowing that it is the right thing to do.
6. Causes dissention among staff members by his or her actions and comments.
Comments also made the point that a lot of bad boss behavior is enabled, or at least allowed, by the boss’s bad boss.

Many managers have great technical: training, experience or skills, but have not been coached or mentored as managers. If you are looking for coaching or management development, please consider the Professional Management Coaching Program for manager skills training.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

#1 Waste of Time and Energy

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A Case for Executive Coaching:

There has always been a huge amount of waste in America. Heck, we have made a fine art of wasting our resources, but the catastrophic effect of wasting our time, our money, our energy, and our health on our lack of positive attention to the excessive stress in our lives is mind boggling stupid!

If we could avoid accidents and focus better on present assignments, we could save a huge amount of time and energy. This will save us money and improve our productivity… A very simple concept, but an easily ignored solution to our huge problem of wasted resources.

An executive vice president of a large financial institution was referred to me for Executive Coaching. He was actually sent by his physician because he was challenged by high blood pressure and GI complaints as a habituated response to his daily work stress. Let’s call him Bob. Bob was very successful and in his mid 50’s. He admitted that his real motivation in seeking coaching was that he was suffering from “Burn-out.” We decided to help him to manage his stress related symptoms because these “distractions” were keeping from enjoying his work. I gave him background information regarding the physiology of stress to help explain how and why the stress response manifests in physical or emotional symptoms. I also explained that stress wastes his time, uses up his energy, and creates distractions that can lead to wasteful mistakes. Bob agreed to listen to some guided relaxation CD’s that would teach him to control his habit of holding stress in his circulatory system and GI tract.

We met once a week to check in and to upgrade his stress management strategy. There was a huge struggle in the first few weeks because Bob could not “find time” to listen to the 20 minutes guided relaxations. At our fourth session, I “fired” Bob. I explained that it was a waste of our time and his money to continue this work if he was not going to follow through. (Note: the understanding of the theory of stress and stress management is almost never enough… one actually needs to practice stress management to master it to get the best results.) Bob had never been “Fired” from anything and he pleaded with me to give him one more chance… He figured out a way to use the CD before work. In two weeks he returned with a positive response. It was not that his blood pressure had dropped, because that requires 8-12 weeks of regular practice for most people. Bob said his GI complaints were a little bit better. But, Bob’s biggest revelation was that in 2 weeks of practice he could get his 8 hours of work done in 6.5 hours and this freed time to work on “back burner” projects (that were more interesting to him.) He was getting more done in less time AND having more fun! His “burn out” (due to overwhelm) was slipping away. Bob was sold on this stress management process because he was feeling better and being more productive. He realized how much time and energy he had been wasting!

Bob’s story is far from unique. I have heard this hundreds of times. Americans have a difficult time “sitting still” and resist practicing stress management to prevent problems or to improve their quality of life. If you found the “right” stress management technique, one that will work for you, the practice will free up your time, energy, and improve your focus. Research indicates that 20 minutes of deep relaxation can re-place the need of up to 2 hours of sleep. The sleep that you do get will be deeper and more restful. That is another huge problem for Americans, we do not get enough quality sleep/rest and our health and productivity suffers.

If you could feel better, save time, improve your productivity and focus, and have more energy would you spend 20 minutes of your valuable time practicing stress management? Stress management can even help to slow the aging process and may help you from the eating habits that make you gain weight.

Getting trained or coached in stress management is not expensive. The skills you will learn will last a life time and may prevent, or reduce, the need for costly medications. You might be able to minimize, if not eliminate, stress related symptoms that impair the quality of your life and negatively affect your productivity.
My challenge to you after reading this article, will you get up and do something to manage your stress or will you just stick your head in the sand and re-enter your state of denial??? Effective stress management often includes a combination of regular relaxation (or meditation,) some physical exercise, and a decent diet that avoids caffeine… Also remember that alcohol, medication, or drugs are not good long term solutions for stress management.

Please take good care of yourself.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading expert on stress management and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.
Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

9 Tips for Management Success

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Skills Necessary to Be an Effective Boss

Would you like to improve on your management skills? Whether you are a business owner, an executive, mid level manager, or beginning supervisor you can develop your skills which will increase the productivity of many of the people who report to you. Though simple in concept, these skills may require practice and dedication to master, unless you are a “natural” manager. (Even “natural” managers can improve their skills, and if you are a “natural,” you already know that you can be even more effective.)

Working with people requires interpersonal skills that can come more easily to some people than others. Especially if you have been promoted because you have great technical skills and experience, you will want to avoid becoming a victim to the “Peter Principle.” The definition of the Peter Principle is as follows…

“The theory that employees within an organization will advance to their highest level of competence and then be promoted to and remain at a level at which they are incompetent.”

[Author Laurence Johnston Peter (1919-1990).]

The level of incompetence suggests that people will rise to a level of management that they are untrained to do with success. Managing other employees with skill and competence is often the level that proves most difficult.
To become a successful manager requires certain awareness and then specific skills at communicating, motivating, time management, effective delegation, training, hiring winners, personnel evaluation (or appraisal), self-awareness, and healthy self-confidence. You can neglect any of these qualities/skills and still get by as an average or poor manager or you can confront the personal challenges and develop into a good boss and successful manager. Good, to great, interpersonal skills will help a lot but not everyone has these skills when are getting started in managing.

To become skillful, you first have to realize that may not be perfect and that you would be willing to make positive changes to some deeply held beliefs or habit patterns. Sometimes we have to “unlearn” habits or techniques that we have used, or seen used by our parents, teachers, ex-bosses, or mentors. As an example, have you ever seen a frustrated parent or manager yelling emotionally in an upsetting moment. There may even have been violence or intimidation expressed and you realize that in the modern world of work, this is not acceptable as a motivating or guiding management concept. These explosions of emotion may work once or twice, in the “short term,” but will not work effectively for long term success. “Explosions” tend to damage relationships and may require too much time and energy to repair, which can be very difficult to do if your employment has been terminated.
There can be frustrations in interpersonal interactions, however, but appropriate managing in these difficult situations is what sets the great managers apart from less prepared, less successful managers.

1. Your personal motivation to be open to change and the desire to become a great manager is essential.

2. Self-awareness regarding your strengths, and more importantly, your challenges (your flaws/weaknesses) is very important. It is best to know, and understand, your own style of communication, your own motivations, and the difference in the styles and motivations of the members of your team so that you can communicate with, and then motivate, all team members most effectively.

3. Your abilities to communicate can be developed and enhanced to allow you to manage more effectively. Especially important is the ability to listen and the patience to really understand what you are hearing from your communication partner. (Do not rush to respond. Show respect and draw your partner out until you can clearly re-state what they are attempting to communicate.)

4. Negotiate a fair resolution, where possible. Rally your communication partners allegiance to your mutually agreed upon solution. Set a reasonable and verifiable timeline for accomplishment of the goal or project. “Clearly prioritize” the efforts of the project, the team, and each individual’s role in the project.

5. Offer support (and mentoring) along the way, without micro-managing along the way. Positive feedback and, most importantly, plenty of positive recognition (and celebration) for positive movement and ultimately for success will be worth your time and effort.

6. Show respect and try to see your partner’s point of view without overtly judging. Good delegation tolerates solutions that may follow a different path than you might have chosen. Though taking responsibility for their decisions and actions can be a very important step by your employee and should be discussed in the planning (job description) phase of the delegation process. (It is best, where possible, to allow for creativity by your team members.) Find ways to get your people to “fall in love” with your project, and hopefully, your company by allowing creative input into the project development process.

7. Clarity is important and should include the “big picture” of what is desired for long term success of your organization and how all of your individual team members will fill the necessary roles to accomplish the objectives of the project at hand. (Everyone needs to know their roles and their value to the project.)

8. Honor and acknowledge as many individuals, and of course the team, as often and as much as possible. This is especially true when deadlines are tight, team work is good, and creative solutions are developed. Rewards and acknowledgment do not always have to be in financial rewards (though team members who are high “Utilitarians” will require appropriate remunerations or other forms of compensation for their successful work.) Not everyone is motivated, solely, by money. This is where knowing your people will work as a successful retention strategy. Be creative in providing recognition and rewards.

9. You need to really care! Care about your team. Care about the project. Care about the company/organization, if at all possible. Your team will know if you do not “really care” and they will treat the project in the same way they see (or feel) their manager’s level of commitment.

If you find that you require clarification on any of these tips or could benefit from coaching to enhance your skills then find the best coach, trainer, or mentor to get you to the level you require. Do not think that you have to “re-invent the wheel” or figure it all out on your own, get feedback and assistance. Recognizing where you require assistance is the most important step you can make toward your eventual success. People who do not know how to ask for help are often the ones who do not reach their full potential. If your organization does not support you in your quest for improvement then consider doing this for yourself and possibly exploring other more supportive and empowering organizations.

Many managers have great technical: training, experience or skills, but have not been coached or mentored as managers. If you are looking for coaching or management development, please consider the Professional Management Coaching Program for manager skills training.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com for articles on Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program at www.dstress.com for a secondary source of income or as career path.

Caffeine Cause Anxiety Attacks

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Since the dawning of the “Information Age” in the early 1980’s the pace of change has accelerated in our society. To keep pace with the explosion of new information and this rapid rate of change, many people have adopted a new coping strategy of increasing their consumption of caffeine. Caffeine is a drug. It is a stimulant which increases many of same physiological responses as the survival response known as the “Flight-Fight” response. It is this reaction by the body to the stimulation from caffeine that can trigger an anxiety-type physical reaction. Many people are unsuspecting and naïve regarding the full extent of this response to which often includes a common, and even, celebrated “rush” of energy. Knowing about this response can keep you from being a victim to caffeine related anxiety attacks.

As a stimulant, the effect of caffeine can be different from one person to the next. The amount of caffeine consumed, and then the amount actually absorbed by the body, can contribute to the range of reactions. It is not uncommon for caffeine to cause an increase in brain wave activity that can arouse a tired mind. This is the most desired response for many sleep deprived people. This can backfire on many people who may have a day long response to their morning coffee (or other caffeine source) because many people can not sleep well at bedtime as a response to this early caffeine consumption. This “vicious cycle” will then cause poor quality sleep/rest which requires more caffeine to get “up” for the next day’s activities.

The stimulation caused by caffeine can also increase heart rate and for some people increase their blood pressure as it simulates the release of excitatory hormones like adrenaline (epinephrine.) This rapid heart rate, when severe, can scare people, triggering the hormonal release which can cause a greater anxiety reaction. The frightening response to the physical associations of an anxiety attack can cause fear and can even drive people to the emergency rooms with the concern that the patient believes that they going to die from a heart attack. We have enough anxiety in our society without pushing ourselves over the edge with the stimulation of caffeine.

Caffeine can cause an increase in skeletal muscle tension as it triggers the classic flight response. This muscle tension can be distracting (loss of focus), cause fatigue, and in many cases increase the likelihood of increased muscle spasms and so, muscle contraction pain. In this way, caffeine can contribute to muscle tension headaches from the tightness of muscles in the jaw, neck, and shoulders. For people suffering from chronic muscular tension pain, this can contribute to their tension and pain. It will often cause an increased anxiety driven response to their pain which can intensify their chronic pain complaints. This is especially true for lower back pain and neck/shoulder pain, as well as the peripheral pains in the arms and legs that can be associated with back pain.

For those of you who use caffeine regularly, you should also know that there are plenty of cases of physical and psychological addiction to this drug. Many people feel withdrawal symptoms that are not comfortable when they try to discontinue their caffeine habit. If you want to discontinue, the best way to do this would be gradually over time. Substituting ½ de-caf into your morning coffee and minimizing other caffeine laden products will be helpful. Be patient and drink extra water!

In its defense, caffeine can be helpful for some types of headaches such as migraine headaches which can be reduced by caffeine or associated cafergot. (Cafergot is a brand name of the combination of ergotamine and caffeine.) With its stimulating effects on the digestive system, caffeine may also work as a laxative to minimize problems with constipation. Historically, European coffee “salons” were places where intellectuals could meet and have lively discussions while drinking brewed coffee which was more healthful than the untreated available water which was often contaminated with deadly diseases of the Middle Ages. The other alternative beverage for most Middle Age Europeans was to drink beer or alcoholic drinks which did not encourage good discussion, thinking, or productivity.

Since the 1980’s, our society has seen an explosion of coffee houses and Espresso stands. You can not get through any American city without being confronted by easily accessible purveyors of liquid coffee refreshments. Both young and old are caught in this “glamorous” habit with expanding zeal. A gift of choice is the insidious gift certificate for the expensive coffee houses. This has gotten to be big business.

Besides coffee or espresso drinks, caffeine is found in many products. Black teas, green tea, soft drinks, chocolate candy, and as an additive in many other products are but a few of these additional sources for caffeine. There are even a few products with commercial names like: Jolt, Red Bull, and RockStar that cater to the young caffeine crazed generation that seem to require higher concentrations of caffeine. I do not want to deprive people from indulging in these products, but people must be aware of what the effects of these products can do to their body’s and to people who interact with caffeine saturated folks. Many cases of “road rage” may be traced to the negative effects of over-caffeinated, stressed drivers.

Let’s have some common sense. Moderation is a great rule to follow, especially if you are one the people who are most sensitive to the effects of caffeine. Coffee businesses are not bad or the enemy, we just need to learn how use their products in the most appropriate ways.

If you are looking for wellness coaching, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Coaching Program (train the trainer) at http://www.dstress.com

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading stress management expert and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training (at http://www.dstress.com) for articles, free ezine (newsletter) signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Dealing with Angry or Anxious Clients

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Every situation is unique because the people involved are different. With that said, this blog can offer a basic introduction on strategies that may assist you when you are confronted by anxious or angry clients or customers (consumers.) The event that brought these people into confrontation with you is important to understand and needs to be worked into your solution.

For example, image that you are being confronted by an “upset” consumer who wants to acquire iodine pills to prevent thyroid cancer after a nuclear release in Japan has blown over to your region. The national government has limited the supply of these pills because the government wants the pills to go to the regions where it will be needed most, due to limitations on the supply. The media has whipped up the levels of anxiety and many people are not thinking clearly, impulsively wanting the medication that may not be needed for their specific demographic. You have access to the medication but are not allowed to release it unless your customer meets certain criteria which has been established by some far away governmental agency. What do you do in this situation where you have very little control but are on the front line for taking the “heat” for this media whipped frenzy???

It is good to start by understanding why people react the way that they do in a crisis situation. People often perceive themselves in mortal danger. Their flight-fight response is triggered by the fear created by half truths the media passes off as news. When this panicked response begins, the rational parts of our brains often “shut down” or at least, takes a reduced decision making position subservient to the more primitive part of the brain where the automatic survival mechanisms are centered. This primitive part of the brain, also called the “reptilian brain” because it is related to primitive reptilian responses from millions of years ago is more dominant in certain stressful situations when we require quick reactions to survive. The basic emotions that are expressed when we are stressed are ANGER, FEAR (anxious), Sadness, and, perhaps surprisingly, Joy! These are the 4 basic emotions and these emotions have primitive origins. So, people who are stressed often reduce their abilities to think, problem solve, and communicate, and go into a reactive mood where fear or anger are close to the surface and are demonstrated. Knowing this, you must begin to identify who is angry or fearful and why. Why are they not understanding the full picture? Probably because they do not have all the information and they can not problem solve well due to the stress/anxiety they are processing.

If you have time, the following list offers some of the best ways to handle this situation in order of how you might proceed:

1. Ask questions regarding their base of knowledge and, more importantly, their feelings (fears, anger, anxiety). What is their history of this situation? Often they are trying to protect a loved one and they feel powerless to control a difficult situation. Consider their source of news or mis-information but do not confront them about this in the early stages.

2. Calm them down. Re-state their concerns by repeating back what you have heard and ask them to correct any of YOUR mis-understandings about their specific situation. Know what you are dealing with AND show the respect of listening to their fears/concerns. Offer them ways to comfort themselves in this difficult situation.

3. Get them information about their concern so they can make an informed decision. When they ask questions, give them more information, as patiently as possible. Do not expect a “rational response.” Keep your emotions (frustration) in check, as best you can, to help defuse the panicked response. (I was reminded that in difficult situations people will “go shopping” for the “answer that they want to hear,” so consistent answers or policy descriptions will save you a lot of grief… This requires training for the people who have jobs communicating with the public.)

4. Negotiate a solution that helps to solve their emotional response. Provide time lines, as best you can. Be as honest as you can be, based on the information you have.

5. Honesty and compassion, when sincere, are 2 of your best tools. Brutal honesty, though, is not called for in a stressful situation. Good bedside manner will often get you farther, faster. Reflecting their concerns back to them in a different way will help them to feel heard and may save you time in the long run by helping to establish a positive rapport (or connection.)

6. Always, apologize to them for the situation even if you are not the cause of the problem, and if you are the cause, apologize most sincerely. People would like to feel that their response was correct, even when it is not.

7. If you have not done so already, take GOOD care of yourself. Calm down! Do not get “sucked in” to crazy emotionally driven behavior by your own lack of a solid emotional foundation.

8. If all else fails, say sincerely to yourself, “This to shall pass…” TRY to not get stuck in the “drama” (anxious feelings and reactions) because this will not do you, or anyone else, any good. When the dilemma has subsided, and you feel “out of the line of fire,” do what emergency responders do… make a bad or twisted joke about the difficult situation. This will help to take away its emotional power and can begin the process of your crisis de-briefing.

Good luck. Please take good care of yourself, preventively. Contact the Stress Education Center for coaching or organizational training to assist with managing this process at www.dstress.com.

Anger in the Workplace Part I

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Costs of Anger and Identifying Anger at Work

Anger is one of the 4 basic emotions. These primitive responses manifest in men and women as a response to stressful stimuli. Any or all of these, 4 basic emotions can be observed as a response to stress, though each individual develops some dominant habits as response to life’s stimuli. The four emotional responses are Fear, Anger, Sadness (depression), or Joy. These four possible responses are generated from primitive parts of the brain that respond to the Flight/Fight survival response. Some people respond to change or other stress by becoming fearful and apprehensive about lack of control or the unknown. Other people withdraw into sadness or depression as a response to stress. There are some people who manifest their nervousness by laughing or giggling or possibly making inappropriate jokes as a response to a difficult or dangerous situation. This article focuses on anger.

Both men and women get angry. However, men are more likely to “act out” in an overt way in response to stress. In statistics supplied by the Justice Department regarding anger and violence in the workplace, 85% of violence in the workplace was perpetrated by men. Statistics also reflect that 1 of 4 employees are angry at work. Much quoted statistics from the Safe Workplace Institute states that in 1993 work place violence cost $4.2 Billion and that 111,000 incidents were reported. Anger can manifest in other forms that do appear to be acts of violence. Anger can manifest as absenteeism, turnover, low morale, poor communication, reduced productivity, poor customer service, sabotage, theft, aggressiveness, sexual harassment, and intimidation (“bullying”). This can be dangerous and expensive! Accidents, injuries, and legal problems can be tied to anger in the workplace.

WARNING SIGNS
Workplace anger is often buried by employees until they reach a point where they suddenly burst. This “bursting” point may manifest itself in a variety of ways. One employee may just yell at his manager, while another may impetuously decide to quit. Still others may resort to workplace violence or vandalism. Small business owners and managers should acquaint themselves with the warning signs of hidden anger so that they can address the causes for that anger and, hopefully, head off an incident before it occurs. Employees may exhibit behavior that is more obviously troubling.

Following are a range of behaviors that may signal a need for intervention:
• Overreaction to company policies or performance appraisals
• Prone to making direct or veiled threats
• Sarcastic, irritable, or moody behavior
• Apathetic and/or inconsistent work performance
• Aggressive and antisocial behavior
• Touchy relationships with other workers
• Obsessive involvement and/or emotional attachment to job

Counterproductive and expensive behaviors at work can be observed, and, should be dealt with as soon as possible. These may include:
1. Coming to work late without permission
2. Taking longer breaks
3. Complaining about insignificant things
4. Ignoring someone at work
5. Daydreaming rather than working
6. Trying to look busy
7. Being rude or nasty to client or co-worker
8. Leaving work early
9. Insulting fellow employees about job performance
10. Refusing to help out at work
11. Blaming colleagues for errors that they made
12. Verbally abusing a co-worker
13. Making fun of people at work
14. Avoiding returning telephone calls that are important
15. Telling people outside of work what a lousy place they work at
16. Failing to report a problem and allowing it to get worse
17. Withholding needed information
18. Intentionally coming late to meetings or appointments
19. Working slowly when things need to be done faster
20. Staying home and claiming to be sick
21. Purposely failing to follow instructions
22. Refusing work
23. Damaging equipment
24. Stealing
25. Using obscene gesture
26. Hitting or pushing someone at work
27. Threatening someone
28. Intentionally doing work wrong
29. Wasting materials or supplies
30. Starting malicious rumors

Factors that cause workplace anger can sometimes be addressed directly. While workplace anger sometimes can be traced back to prejudices that are at the root of deep-seated hostility, on many other occasions, work-oriented factors serve as the primary catalysts.

Common causes of workplace anger include:
• Favoritism of one employee over another.
• General harassment, whether sexual or some other form
• Rejection (whether arbitrary or for good reason) of a proposal or project in which employee has big emotional investment.
• Insensitivity by owners or managers.
• Criticisms of employees in front of staff or clients.
• Depersonalized workplace environment.
• Unfair (or tardy) performance appraisals or criticism.
• Lack of resources for the employee to meet his/her objectives.
• Inadequate training.
• Lack of teamwork.
• Withdrawal of earned benefits.
• Betrayal of trust extended to manager or owner.
• Unreasonable demands on employees.
• Does not keep promises.
• Lack of flexibility on part of owner or manager.
• Poor communication.
• Feedback is wholly or primarily negative in tone.
• Absentee leadership (such as instances wherein needed disciplinary action is absent).
• Micromanagerial environment in which staff decision making opportunities are limited.

Do not allow your organization to become a victim of workplace violence. The following article (part II) will help to create positive solutions to prevent or mitigate workplace anger and violence. Each organization is unique and this can create a situation where outside coaching for executives and managers can be the most successful way to solve challenges. Training for your employees can be tailored to be most effective for your unique situations.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free ezine (newsletter) signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.