Category Archives: Leadership

Keys to Developing Self-confidence

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Self-confidence is related to feelings of self-worth and self-regard. It suggests that a person has confidence in their abilities and how they present themselves to the world and that these abilities are born out of oneself. People who project self-confidence often find it easier to attract success and to gain support for their endeavors. If you have it, you use it. If you do not have “it,” you may desire it.

The keys to developing self-confidence can come from the inside through self-awareness and self-acceptance or you can learn to project it outwardly and do so until it soaks in to your emotional fiber.

One of the accepted self-confidence practices is the “fake it until you make it” behavior. This behavioral technique asks that you project yourself as a self-confident person would and as your external self demonstrates this attitude, your internal self will begin to adopt this external portrayal. To do this, consider dressing well and enhance your appearance as best you can. Many people require coaching advice on how to do this because it does not always come naturally, and can be done incorrectly. This does not have to be financially expensive but does require some coordinated efforts. Project yourself as confident by having good posture, standing up as straight and as tall as you can. Smile warmly and easily. Give sincere compliments and look for the “GOOD” in other people to build them up and do not dwell in the negative. Avoid gossip and negativity. Walk faster and with intention. Make eye contact. Speak up, do not mumble. You do not have to speak fast or talk just for the sake of talking. (Unnecessary talking can sound desperate.) Learn to really listen and respectfully reflect back the understanding, or lack of understanding, that you may have of your communication partner. (Let them finish. Be patient.) Use a firm handshake when you greet people. Demonstrate your positive excitement about learning new things and about life in general. Look for what is good and do not dwell, too much, on what is missing.

Internal self-confidence takes more effort and time. Your motivation to be self-confident will be tested. But a deep core of self-confidence can last a lifetime. To accomplish the ability to dwell in internal self-confidence begins with a demonstration of self-love and self-care. To do this you must put time and effort into taking good care of yourself. You will benefit from regular exercise and stress management. In fact, it is difficult to hold on to your self-confidence without regular demonstrations of self-care. Deep relaxation can also lead to a type of self-control that allows you to control your fears, anxiety, anger, and sadness. You can minimize the fears and maximize your solid emotional foundation through regular stress management practices. Even when you become self-aware of a possible weakness or flaw in yourself, you will better able accept these as lessons rather than be a victim to any of your imperfections. We ALL HAVE IMPERFECTIONS and we must learn and adapt new ways of “being” to help us move past any of these discovered flaws. This is sometimes easier said than done and counseling or coaching may help expedite your process of moving through the insight of any imperfections. “We are perfect because of our imperfections.”

Focus on your strengths, your gifts, your creativity, and your positive contributions. By dwelling on these, you allow the positive light of self-confidence to begin to burn more brightly from your inside, out. And, though difficult, learn to accept and appreciate any sincere compliments that come your way. Build, brick by brick, the feelings of self-worth and self-regard that come from demonstrations of your positive contributions to your family, friends, work, and to the world. Give gifts of yourself freely and without expectations but maintain healthy boundaries (do not emotionally bankrupt yourself.) Find “positive” people to support you. Negative or desperately needy people will drain you if you do set limits, and honor these limits.

Finally, demonstrate gratitude. Self-confident who are healthy will understand that this is a blessing and will find ways to show how grateful they are for feeling their self-confidence.

For coaching support, consider the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com and please take GOOD care of yourself.

Building the Team: Creating a Positive Environment at Work

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We spend a lot of our time engaged in work. For many of us, our work includes regular, perhaps daily, interactions with co-workers. Relationships form with the people who we work with and who we see many days of the week. These relationships can make the work environment positive and productive or, to the contrary, negative and even destructive. Good managers encourage good relationships at work, in most situations. The supportive relationships can assist the work of the organization to move forward. As people get to “know” one another, deeper understanding and tolerance can grow which can lead to better professional relationships and enhanced productivity. Building a team in your work group or, within your immediate organization, allows people to connect in positive supportive ways. This is especially true in businesses which require communication amongst personnel to accomplish the end product or service. Technology companies, healthcare providers, most financial organizations, education, and most governmental organizations can benefit from the enhanced communication which good team building helps to create.

Team building is not a waste of time, because when it is done correctly, it saves time, increases productivity, reduces accidents and mistakes, and encourages good problem solving to overcome obstacles and time pressures. There is almost no downside to team building. It does require time to get started and to help maintain but the positive attitudes in the workforce will offer a positive return on investment. Good or great managers rely on the benefits of their efforts to build productive teams. Creating “buy-in” and the emotional connection of the key personnel will increase loyalty and productivity while reducing sabotage and increase retention. Team building can be a key ingredient for many of the most important “players.”

Consider that not all team building activities work as expected. Sometimes it can go sideways, or worse. Some planning is required and the tailoring of a team building program can have greater positive results. A good manager might want to get some assistance in developing and executing a great team building activity. Please do some research to determine the best program for you and your organization. Getting input from your team will enhance “buy-in” even before the event, so consider interactions with participants as you develop your program.

For additional coaching regarding your team building requirements or for program development consider contacting the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com for input and support.

Executive Stress

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Executive Stress – Why We Are More Stressed Now Than Ever Before

On his one hour commute into work, Robert, the executive vice-president for a large international bank, noticed that his stomach seemed tied up in knots. His doctor had referred him for some executive coaching to assist him in reducing symptoms of job stress. Robert was being treated for stress related high blood pressure and now he was having tests for a possible stomach ulcer. It was not uncommon for tension headaches and neck aches to develop near the end of his work day and prevent him from sleeping well at night. Sometimes he would awaken at his normal time and feel completely un-rested as he pulled himself out of bed to prepare for his day. Even on his weekends, Robert would be distracted by his fatigue, loss of concentration, and an irritated stomach.

As he began his stress management coaching, Robert had a difficult time finding the time required to practice his stress management exercises. These were provided for him on audio CD’s that he could listen to while undistracted for 20 minutes. Robert was struggling with finding 20 minutes in his heavily scheduled day. After several weeks, Robert was convinced, by his coach, that this expenditure of time would not only allow him to feel better, it would probably save him time. He began to practice these relaxation strategies and to his amazement, Robert found that the program really worked. He listened to the CD’s while being driven to work. At work, he discovered that he was better able to concentrate and to communicate with his co-workers. This allowed him to get his work completed in less time. He saved one and half hours on most days. Robert invested the “extra” time in some projects that he enjoyed but had not found the time to accomplish. This gave him greater satisfaction and a sense of control that he had not remembered feeling for a long time. In several more weeks, Robert reported fewer headaches, better sleep, and reduced stomach problems. Eventually, his blood pressure began to respond and was reduced to normal ranges with less medication. Robert was convinced that stress management improved the quality of his life and allowed him to be more productive.

Why do Executives suffer from the effects of stress?
What are the possible symptoms of stress?

We are all born with a primitive survival mechanism called the “Flight/Fight Response.” This ancient survival responses has been inherited from billions of years of evolution. 5,000 years ago, if a man was confronted by a threat, he could either run away or stand his ground and physically fight against his attacker. His body would automatically prepare for the action required to survive. His heart beat would increase, his blood pressure would go up, his breathing would become more rapid, muscles would tense to prepare for the fight or to flee, his hands would get cool and clammy, digestion and libido would be reduced, and the primitive brain would take over reducing his ability to think clearly, instead making him more reactive to his fear or anger. These “hard-wired” responses that are triggered when we are threatened. The threats today are usually not as life threatening as 5,000 years ago but our sub-conscious perceptions believe that an upset client or a poor contract negotiation are as serious as a life and death confrontation. We only have one way to respond to the stress of change. Even if the change is a positive experience our body responds in part, if not all, the “Flight/Fight Response.”

The pace of change has increased and adapting to change triggers the stress response. Even positive changes can be stressful. To prove a point about how positive change and stress can be dramatically bad for your health, I want to tell one brief story. When I was growing up, I read a newspaper account of a man who suffered from good fortune! The story read that a man had won a large sweepstakes award. He had won a fortune…. $100,000, which back in those days was a lot of money! He was so overjoyed with his good luck that he celebrated in an unfortunate way… he died of a heart attack! How many people do you know who get a new job or relationship, and wind up paying the price of this positive stress?

Now, more than ever before in history, people are overwhelmed by the stresses of life. The pace of change due to new technologies and the new information that technology generates has created overloads that we are not able to handle in appropriate ways. In the past ten years, people are developing symptoms of these new technologies. Eye strain, back strain, wrist/hand strain, neck problems, even increased body weight, and substance abuse increases can be linked to long hours in the modern work world of computers and technology.

Who in this modern world can say that our primitive response to stress, from millions of years of adaptation and survival, has been able to keep up with the accelerated pace of change during the past few decades? Have you evolved a new survival mechanism to counter the old Flight/Fight Response? Normally, evolution of these systems takes nature thousands of generations to develop. In today’s world, more people are overwhelmed by the accelerated pace of change than ever before in human history! There are always a few “genetic immunes” who make the rest of us look like “slackers” but, trust me, more of us suffer from the pace of change than there are those who seem to thrive in this 24/7 world…)

If we can not change the pace of the world around us, or the people we do business with, or the behaviors of the people we live with, or the global changes that affect us, then we can at least become aware of these stressors and avoid becoming a victim to these changes! We do have control over the way we respond to these changes.

Awareness is half the battle! Know how you respond to stress in your own unique way! Know what in your life is causing this transitional stress. Then, you must develop daily habits that effectively control the negative physical and emotional responses to stress. You can GET BACK in CONTROL! You can prevent, or at least minimize, symptoms of stress such as: headaches, backaches, neck aches, high blood pressure, panic, anxiety, many stomach problems, sexual dysfunction, possibly reduce auto-immune problems like allergies or some forms of arthritis, sleeping problems, bruxism, TMJ, and other stress related symptoms. The emotional symptoms such as: loss of concentration, withdrawal (depression), anxiety, being accident prone, memory loss, poor motivation, poor communication, poor performance, and some learning disabilities can be linked to stress and reduced, if not eliminated, by awareness and lifestyle changes. Key executive personnel can be given executive coaching and this can prevent them from becoming liabilities due to inefficiency or poor productivity. You will want to protect your valuable employees and avoid having to replace and then retrain key personnel who may be impaired or lost due to stress related symptoms. One higher level executive let his response to stress take the form of anger and had lawsuits threatened and the alienation of his team to deal with (and the liability that faced the company.)

Executive stress management programs are tailored to the specific requirements of the executive and their specific symptoms. Programs can include a combination of strategies such as: regular relaxation practices, increased physical exercise, and changes to the diet. These are the three components of a lifestyle designed to encourage health and symptom prevention. Though they require time and energy, they tend to give back health, well being, and effectiveness.

Stress management and regular relaxation can be performed in different ways. These can be selected and developed for individual preference and to fit different styles. Some executives enjoy stress management techniques that were created from Western European tradition such as Autogenic Training phrases. Other executives may respond better to styles of meditation drawn from “Eastern” traditions such as yoga. Regardless of the historical origins of the relaxation strategies they all will benefit the practitioners in similar ways. They all reduce heart rate, lower blood pressure, slow and deepen breathing, relax muscles, send warmth into the hands and feet, and increase the ability to concentrate, solve problems and enhance communication. The best results come with practice. It takes 8-12 weeks of regular daily practice for most people to get the maximum benefits. For myself, I found that after 12 weeks of regular practice with Autogenic Training (20 minutes per day) that I required one and half hours less sleep at night. I was better rested and could focus on tasks better, allowing me to get more accomplished in the same amount of time at work! This is not uncommon.

Regular physical activity not only helps with the health of the heart and can burn calories for weight loss but it also can assist you in by releasing stored muscle tensions. This muscle tension can cause many problems from fatigue, loss of focus, poor sleep, to muscles spasms that create headaches, and neck and back aches. By working these muscles, they can relax better after the exercise period. Many mental health professional also know that regular exercise can help to minimize or prevent depression.

Diet and nutrition can effect your health and well being. There are many different philosophies on eating for the best health. In busy times, business people need to eat well to maintain their highest levels of performance. Eating as close to “natural” is recommended. Fast foods and highly processed convenience foods are not the best for long-term health and well being. Food additives (colors and preservatives) can cause bad reactions. American eat too quickly and this unfortunate habit is spreading worldwide. Drinking alcoholic beverages for relaxation can easily move to excess and can then stress certain systems in the body. One glass of wine is probably better than no stress management, but becoming dependent on drinking wine, beer, or distilled spirits is not a good strategy for stress management.

Regarding diet and nutrition, executives who find themselves suffering from the symptoms of stress should consider reducing, if not eliminating, caffeine from their diets. Caffeine acts as a stimulant and can increase symptoms of stress. Caffeine can negatively impact your sleeping patterns and reduce your productivity on future days. With the increase of coffee and expresso shops in the past 15 years, we have noticed an increase in symptoms of stress. Caffeine is found in coffees, black teas, chocolate, sodas (most colas and some caffeine enhanced beverages), and some other products. (Please read the packaging labels.) This can be a very difficult habit to change. If you want to eliminate caffeine, and you are a heavy user, please slowly reduce your consumption by gradually replacing your caffeinated products with non-caffeinated products. I have worked with people who have eliminated their headaches, muscle pains, sleeping problems, stomach dis-stress, and even high blood pressure problems by minimizing their use of caffeine.

Though stress from the pace of change is unavoidable, you can avoid becoming a victim. By taking the time necessary for these preventive activities, you will save time and enhance your performance.

Since 1978, the Stress Education Center has provided consulting and training services for individuals and organizations. The books, tapes, training seminars, online courses, and executive coaching have assisted thousands of motivated business people to improve their performance and enhance the quality of their lives.

For additional information on retention or copies of the executive summaries on Hiring Winners or Keys to Retention based on information gathered from executive interviews, contact L. John Mason, Ph.D. at the Stress Education Center – Dstress.com (360) 593-3833 or mason@dstress.com

As an Executive Coach, consultant, and trainer, John works with executive management teams to leverage their strengths and create superior performance.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free blog signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Change Happens: Change & Transition Management

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Life change is unavoidable. The pace of change has increased to a record rate with the latest innovations and information technologies. Our body’s primitive response mechanism has not been able to keep pace and we are living with “overwhelm” as a daily companion. We do not have time to adapt at a genetic level, so we must learn to use behavioral adaptations to survive and thrive.

Each of us is a unique person with our unique habitual response to stress. Some of us respond to stress with anger, frustration, rage, or fear. Some of us get “uptight” and hold tension in our jaws, necks, shoulders, backs, or legs. Some of us want to run away as a response. Sometimes we tighten our stomachs, hold our breath, feel our heart racing, our blood pressure may rise, or our hands and feet may get cold. Sometimes we withdraw as if we could hide from the dangers of newness of our transitions.

When we do not have any “control” over the transition and it is an “important” issue, then our stress levels increase. Our body responds, in the only way that it can, as if we were in a life or death situation. We must learn that in life’s interactions, the only thing that we can control is our response to the event. If this situation is important to us, it is best if we can have some input in the change process. We must understand our role and importance of our contribution to the larger picture. And finally, we must be meticulous with our self-care.

If stress comes from an unclear picture of what the transition entails and what our role in this transition will be, then we can respond with fear and resistance which can hurt the project and often our credibility. Communication with higher ups, peers, and the personnel we must manage is critical. Make sure everyone really understands their value, their role, and their contribution to the success of the project. Honesty is essential. Open conversations about the fears of the new or the grieving of the things that have had to change to make way for the new policy or procedure. Dealing with these issues will enroll the participants more successfully.

In a perfect world, there would be time to honor all of these necessary steps for positive transitions, but often the reality is less complete. We must develop strong, uncompromising habits for personal survival and self-care. This might include non-negotiable time for exercise and stress management practice. It would include patterns during stressful transitions where there is enough time for sleep/rest and proper nutrition. Simplify your expectations and distractions. It may not be the best time to take on new projects that would add to the stress like: remodeling the house, moving, new relationships, or large family or social commitments. In other words, use your best common sense and do not over do non-essential activities.

Consider using the following checklist of eight tools for managing major transitions more gracefully.
Tips for Surviving Change

1. Self-Care Daily! See and Use the suggestions from the Ten Timely Tips article (at “articles page” of www.dstress.com.) Self-care is the single most important ingredient to maintaining balance as you go through transitions and change. Proper diet, exercise, and regular relaxations will allow you to be more productive with a higher quality of life!

2. Communicate. Keep yourself from falling into the pitfalls of life by giving and getting feedback about every major concern (change/transition) you are dealing with. Remember, listening is the most important part of communicating. Ask for clarification, so you can make good decisions.

3. Planning… Be Prepared. A productive journey through life’s transitions can not occur gracefully without a plan. Long range goals can keep short-term setbacks from defeating you in major ways. Focus on your long term goals regularly to keep you focused and moving ahead. Plan in every area of life: Finance, self-care, education, relationship, emotional growth, creativity/aesthetic, and spiritual development.

4. Develop Positive Support Mechanisms. If you want to survive, in good health, you need to have proper feedback and support. The “Family” is not always the best place. Friends and professional counselors can sometimes be the best venue for honesty and appropriate support.

5. Develop Positive Rewards. Small and large rewards along your way help make motivation easier, especially with large, long-term goals. A real heartfelt pat on your own back with achieving a reward makes the difficulties easier to bear.

6. Use and Develop Your Humor! Positive Attitudes Really Help! Difficulties, when viewed as opportunities for growth and proving your abilities, are less harmful. But do not bury your anger, fear or sadness.

7. Deal with the Dilemma of Diversity! Every change throws you into a position of dealing with new people, teams, attitudes, emotional “stretches” and more new obstacles. Learning acceptance (through self-care) can help you to make the necessary adjustments and get along faster toward productivity and higher performance. There will always be a contrary attitude around, accept that other opinions exist and you are entitled to your own.

8. Maintain Balance in Your Life! Prioritize, acknowledge, celebrate, and follow through on every area of life, including your emotional and spiritual needs.

© L. John Mason, Ph.D. Stress Education Center and Dstress.com

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for articles, free blog, and learn about the new courses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Strategies for Hiring Winners: Executive Summary

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Would you like to avoid hiring mistakes, if possible? The following are tips from executives interviewed especially for this article.

The secret to hiring “winners” is:
Know the job and your company’s culture, then find the correct person to fill the job.

Hiring mistakes are very costly. Estimates range from 1-10 times the annual salaries, with the general consensus being 3 times the annual salary. This is based on recruiting and training the wrong candidate (the mistake), waiting for the productivity that does not come, removing the person, dealing with morale and sabotage, replacing and training the next candidate. If you have an engineer or mid-level manager that earns $80,000 – $100,000 this can be a cost to your company of $240,000 to $300,000 for just one mistake!

90% of all hiring decisions are made by an interview. Interviewing is 14% accurate according to Michigan State University. This percentage can increase if you have hiring managers that are really well trained or if their intuition is very well developed. The training for interviewers must be extensive because as Victoria Perrault, VP of AFC says, there are “obvious problems” when the hiring interviews are a “fly by the seat of your pants” experience. She is leading AFC into a “Success Profile” approach to benchmark the critical success factors. Yvonne Myers, Director of HR at Legacy Marketing group (a 540 person insurance sales & marketing business), has found results to be “dead on” for their E.Q.I. Profile which creates a “footprint” (benchmark) which helps develop specific interview questions that determine the soft-skill competencies of their candidates for job success. These insure that the candidates will be the “right fit” for their organization.

More companies are assessing the competencies necessary for specific jobs within their specific cultures. Some companies are benchmarking their personnel and selecting the top performers and comparing assessment results with their poorest performers to discover the patterns of success that are required for top production and satisfaction on the job. More fortune 500 companies report that they are using assessments, which is up from 15% in 1985 to 30% in 1996 and expected to hit over 50% by 2002.

The assessments are also used for staff development, planning training, and to aid managers finding the ideal motivation for specific staff members.

Kent Sherwood, CEO of Sutter Medical Center of Santa Rosa, emphasized the need for “integrity” as the highest quality for leadership candidates. He also looks for honesty, reliability, follow through, and straight talking. Good candidates must have the skill set necessary or have the “inclination to learn in a reasonable time” with the appropriate personality to blend with the existing culture.

Fred Philpott, VP of Human Resources for Kendall-Jackson Wine Estates, uses a model to check for winning characteristics which include: A.) Technical/experience B.) Behavior: drive, urgency, ethics, Integrity, open communication, business acumen, global-strategic thinking, teaming-partnering, consensus, quick decisions, C.) Bottomline ability to influence and persuade.

Two of three companies either use recruiters or have used recruiters to get qualified candidates to interview. The other companies rely on internal referral and developing leaders from within the organization (which is a great retention strategy.)

Hiring Winners Checklist:
1. Know the job – skills, experience, soft-skills, competencies. Develop clear expectations.
2. Know your company’s culture (Mission, Vision, Values)
3. Benchmark your top and bottom performers (assess the styles, behaviors and attitudes of your winners!)
4. Develop your interview process to adequately assess candidates’ necessary soft-skills
5. Hire the Right People for the Right Job!
6. Support and develop your key talent. Get them to love your company!
7. Continuously re-assess your hiring process.

W. Edwards Deming said, “If a person is not performing as expected, it is probably because they have been miscast for the job.”

Special thanks to all the business leaders who contributed their business wisdom and experience including (in order of interview dates): Kent Sherwood, CEO of Sutter Medical Center of Santa Rosa Deborah Meekins, President and CEO of Sonoma National Bank Greg Peters, President and CEO of Mahi Networks Victoria Perrault, VP of Administrative Services of AFC Seritta White, CEO of S.K. White Consulting Fred Philpott, VP of Human Resources of Kendall-Jackson Wine Estates Rob Thorson, Manager of Human Resources of Westamerica Bank Shirley Gordon, VP for Northern California of State Farm Insurance Yvonne Myers, Director of Human Resources of Legacy Marketing Group Martin Grove, District Manager of State Compensation Insurance Fund Paul Herrerias, CEO of Herrerias & Associates

This executive summary is based on interviews and research conducted by L. John Mason, Ph.D. of the Stress Education Center.

For a detailed report on the Hiring Winners and Retaining Key Personnel please contact Dr. Mason at mason@dstress.com or (360) 593-3833. Ask about a proposal for benchmarking your top performers with special assessments that are designed to help you match their behaviors and attitudes with potential new hires.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for articles, free blog signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Social Skills: Are They Necessary?

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Social skills: are they necessary to get along in the society?

Are social skills really necessary in present-day society? Has the use of technology reduced our ability to function socially and to communicate effectively? How do you develop good social skills and use them most effectively?

I am sure that you have experienced people in this world who seem to lack even the most basic of social skills. They are socially awkward and they are lacking in interpersonal communication skills. There are many people in this world who march through the world as if they are the “bull in the china shop,” he socially. These people do not seem to recognize that other people exist and must function in the same world, or in the same space, as they do.

In social relationships, these people may seem awkward and difficult to communicate with. They may seem insensitive and sometimes disruptive. They do not seem to understand basic social interactions and so they seem to blunder through social experiences in often entertaining ways. (It is entertaining only if you have the right attitude and can identify the shortcomings of these people. When you are not in the right mood, these behaviors may be very irritating and annoying. And the sad thing is, that these people do not even realize that they have been annoying or that their behaviors have been lacking in good social skill.

In business, the lack of interpersonal social skills can be a real detriment to success and to long-term positive business relationships. There are many job descriptions where the lack of social skills is more accepted and perhaps even valued, however, it can create very difficult and awkward in situations in the higher functioning business activities. In social and business situations, you are often, but not always, given one chance to make a good impression and can be forgiven for a single social faux pas. Repeated social awkwardness can label you as unworthy for long-term business relationships. Depending on the business situation, there are behaviors, vocabulary, dress codes, and presentation skills that can either support or deter business relationships. If you do not know the appropriate behaviors, your blunders may really get in your way.

But where do you learn good social skills that can help you in interpersonal relationships and business situations? Many children, very early in their lives, learn by watching and interacting with the people in their lives. If their parents do not have social skills or if they are left too long with their young peers, they may find it difficult to get along in school, business, and interpersonal relationships. It can often be embarrassing and from this embarrassment a person can either choose the path towards greater self-awareness and development of social skills or they can continue to isolate themselves. All of us have had our socially awkward moments, but most of us who have gained success, have learned from our mistakes or awkwardness and have developed better interpersonal skills and effective ways of communicating and leading other people. There are even some leadership programs such as Toastmasters where people can develop better communication and leadership abilities. People who refuse to develop these skills can still be successful but may have a more difficult path to follow.

With the use of technologies, more young people do not have face-to-face contact and the opportunities to develop good verbal and nonverbal communication skills. This may cause social awkwardness in school, in business, and in developing important interpersonal relationships. Sometimes we have to quit text messaging and actually sit eyeball to eyeball with another person to learn the skills of both verbal and nonverbal communication. An important consideration is that we learn to trust our gut feelings in social situations and learn to read the people that we are interacting with. Again, there can be many times when we make mistakes and come across as “communication challenged.” We must learn from these important experiences.

Sometimes we need to find a mentor or a coach who can help us develop our own personal insights, awareness, and interpersonal skills. Since these skills are not always taught in school, even in college, we must honor the importance of these experiences and abilities and pursue them to be able to achieve our highest levels of success. I challenge you to find the best situations and mentors so that you can develop these social skills and find the success that you deserve. (Organizations like Toastmasters may be a good place to start.)

Please send any comments or questions to the Stress Education Center regarding these blogs. Please take good care of yourself.

10 Steps to Manage Anger in the Workplace

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1. Identify who is angry
Train your managers and employees to identify the behaviors that can signal an anger challenged co-worker and have a positive system that will report these behaviors to management for further investigation. Do not wait.

2. Identify why they are angry
Interview reporting staff to determine whether indications warrant further review. Interview subject to determine why they may be angry at work. Offer positive solutions for individual stress and anger control or refer to EAP if appropriate and available.

3. Find solutions to organizations’ culture as it pertains to anger
Do not stick your head in the sand. Tackle the possible organizational issues that may be creating the stress and anger within your organization and work to solve these challenges.

4. Train leaders to create a culture of civility
Leadership comes from the top down and must address the issues with resolve. If anger is inbred in an organization’s leaders this becomes a difficult but important concern. The costs of anger are too high, in the long run, for an organization to be most productive and long standing. Retention of key personnel becomes an issue, if the leadership creates a culture that tolerates, or encourages, anger in the work place. Legal issues will also become an issue that cuts profits and productivity.

5. Train managers to identify anger and manage teams/individuals with issues
Managers require training, support, and good leadership. Coaching or mentoring managers, especially new managers who have risen from technical backgrounds, becomes an essential ingredient for most successful organizations. This will also reduce turn-over, sabotage, and legal challenges.

6. Train employees to control their stress and anger appropriately
Give all of your employees the tools they need to manage their own individual stresses and anger. Do not assume that they will learn civility and self-management outside of work. Though this requires time, resources, and management attention, it will pay off in increased organizational productivity and employee loyalty.

7. Manage organizational stress and transition management
Learn how to manage your organizations transitions and help your executives and employees survive the stress at work. This will prevent problems and create an environment where positive performance can thrive.

8. Create an anger management program for individuals with clear goals
When someone has an identified anger management challenge, it may be a great management decision to assist your personnel with a anger management program rather than replacing these people or expecting and outside agency to fix your “problem.” Programs can be tailored for your specific requirements. Some have a 2 day seminar and individual coaching if individuals require additional support. Other organizations may have on-going, and mandatory, groups for people identified with anger challenges. External coaches or therapists are often hired for these programs so confidentiality does not become an issue in the work environment.

9. Take immediate action: Zero tolerance of anger and violence
Tolerating anger displays or violence is dangerous. It can send the wrong message and opening your organization up to harassment law suits. Leaders must be strong with this Zero Tolerance.

10. Offer ways to speak out safely about issues to prevent anger and violence (be open to creative solutions)
Create venues that allow people to be heard. Respect diversity of opinion. Create a safe way to express appropriate levels of stress and frustration. Always look to build a better environment and culture.
To implement these principles can require resolve and leadership. Many organizations require coaching and consulting to make these deep changes to their culture. The pay-off can be found in increased productivity, loyalty, and more creativity to problem solving.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

What Makes a Manager a Bad Boss

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Survey Results

Do you want to avoid becoming a bad boss? Do you fear that you may already be considered a bad boss? Just want to commiserate with other people who have bad bosses? Here are thoughts about what makes a bad boss, well – bad?

Survey Results from a readers survey conducted by Susan Heathfield regarding:
What makes a manager a Bad Boss

1. 37% reported: The Manager provides little direction.
2. 21% said The Manager micromanages or “nit-picks.”
3. 15% said, The manager belittles and puts down staff.
4. 12% said, Little or no recognition for success or hard work.
5. 8% said, The manager is indecisive and seemingly changes direction at whim.

Bad bosses, in order of their frequency in the survey, do the following.

Love “brown nosers”, tattletales, and relatives who report to them. They choose favorite employees and cover up and make excuses for the poor work of their incompetent favorites. They ignore selected people and discriminate against many employees.

Fail to communicate, and may not even have, expectations, timelines or goals. Bad bosses change their minds frequently leaving employees off-balance. Bad bosses change expectations and deadlines frequently.

Use disciplinary measures inappropriately when simple, positive communication would correct the problem. Bad bosses ignore employees until there is a problem, then pounce.

Speak loudly, rudely, one-sidedly to staff. Bad bosses don’t provide the air time for staff to respond to accusations and comments. They intimidate people and bully staff. They allow other employees to bully employees.

Take credit for the successes and positive accomplishments of employees. They are equally as quick to blame employees when something goes wrong.

Fail to provide rewards or recognition for positive employee performance.

Additional characteristics that were reported included the bad boss:
1. Is not qualified for the boss job by either skills or experience.
2. Will not let go of problems or mistakes. The bad boss returns to discuss negative events continually and searches for faults in employees.
3. Will not accept constructive feedback and suggestions for improvement. The bad boss can’t deal with disagreement from employees who have their own opinions about work related issues.
4. Lacks integrity, breaks promises, and is dishonest.
5. Does not have the courage to deal with a difficult situation despite knowing that it is the right thing to do.
6. Causes dissention among staff members by his or her actions and comments.
Comments also made the point that a lot of bad boss behavior is enabled, or at least allowed, by the boss’s bad boss.

Many managers have great technical: training, experience or skills, but have not been coached or mentored as managers. If you are looking for coaching or management development, please consider the Professional Management Coaching Program for manager skills training.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

#1 Waste of Time and Energy

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A Case for Executive Coaching:

There has always been a huge amount of waste in America. Heck, we have made a fine art of wasting our resources, but the catastrophic effect of wasting our time, our money, our energy, and our health on our lack of positive attention to the excessive stress in our lives is mind boggling stupid!

If we could avoid accidents and focus better on present assignments, we could save a huge amount of time and energy. This will save us money and improve our productivity… A very simple concept, but an easily ignored solution to our huge problem of wasted resources.

An executive vice president of a large financial institution was referred to me for Executive Coaching. He was actually sent by his physician because he was challenged by high blood pressure and GI complaints as a habituated response to his daily work stress. Let’s call him Bob. Bob was very successful and in his mid 50’s. He admitted that his real motivation in seeking coaching was that he was suffering from “Burn-out.” We decided to help him to manage his stress related symptoms because these “distractions” were keeping from enjoying his work. I gave him background information regarding the physiology of stress to help explain how and why the stress response manifests in physical or emotional symptoms. I also explained that stress wastes his time, uses up his energy, and creates distractions that can lead to wasteful mistakes. Bob agreed to listen to some guided relaxation CD’s that would teach him to control his habit of holding stress in his circulatory system and GI tract.

We met once a week to check in and to upgrade his stress management strategy. There was a huge struggle in the first few weeks because Bob could not “find time” to listen to the 20 minutes guided relaxations. At our fourth session, I “fired” Bob. I explained that it was a waste of our time and his money to continue this work if he was not going to follow through. (Note: the understanding of the theory of stress and stress management is almost never enough… one actually needs to practice stress management to master it to get the best results.) Bob had never been “Fired” from anything and he pleaded with me to give him one more chance… He figured out a way to use the CD before work. In two weeks he returned with a positive response. It was not that his blood pressure had dropped, because that requires 8-12 weeks of regular practice for most people. Bob said his GI complaints were a little bit better. But, Bob’s biggest revelation was that in 2 weeks of practice he could get his 8 hours of work done in 6.5 hours and this freed time to work on “back burner” projects (that were more interesting to him.) He was getting more done in less time AND having more fun! His “burn out” (due to overwhelm) was slipping away. Bob was sold on this stress management process because he was feeling better and being more productive. He realized how much time and energy he had been wasting!

Bob’s story is far from unique. I have heard this hundreds of times. Americans have a difficult time “sitting still” and resist practicing stress management to prevent problems or to improve their quality of life. If you found the “right” stress management technique, one that will work for you, the practice will free up your time, energy, and improve your focus. Research indicates that 20 minutes of deep relaxation can re-place the need of up to 2 hours of sleep. The sleep that you do get will be deeper and more restful. That is another huge problem for Americans, we do not get enough quality sleep/rest and our health and productivity suffers.

If you could feel better, save time, improve your productivity and focus, and have more energy would you spend 20 minutes of your valuable time practicing stress management? Stress management can even help to slow the aging process and may help you from the eating habits that make you gain weight.

Getting trained or coached in stress management is not expensive. The skills you will learn will last a life time and may prevent, or reduce, the need for costly medications. You might be able to minimize, if not eliminate, stress related symptoms that impair the quality of your life and negatively affect your productivity.
My challenge to you after reading this article, will you get up and do something to manage your stress or will you just stick your head in the sand and re-enter your state of denial??? Effective stress management often includes a combination of regular relaxation (or meditation,) some physical exercise, and a decent diet that avoids caffeine… Also remember that alcohol, medication, or drugs are not good long term solutions for stress management.

Please take good care of yourself.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading expert on stress management and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.
Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

9 Tips for Management Success

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Skills Necessary to Be an Effective Boss

Would you like to improve on your management skills? Whether you are a business owner, an executive, mid level manager, or beginning supervisor you can develop your skills which will increase the productivity of many of the people who report to you. Though simple in concept, these skills may require practice and dedication to master, unless you are a “natural” manager. (Even “natural” managers can improve their skills, and if you are a “natural,” you already know that you can be even more effective.)

Working with people requires interpersonal skills that can come more easily to some people than others. Especially if you have been promoted because you have great technical skills and experience, you will want to avoid becoming a victim to the “Peter Principle.” The definition of the Peter Principle is as follows…

“The theory that employees within an organization will advance to their highest level of competence and then be promoted to and remain at a level at which they are incompetent.”

[Author Laurence Johnston Peter (1919-1990).]

The level of incompetence suggests that people will rise to a level of management that they are untrained to do with success. Managing other employees with skill and competence is often the level that proves most difficult.
To become a successful manager requires certain awareness and then specific skills at communicating, motivating, time management, effective delegation, training, hiring winners, personnel evaluation (or appraisal), self-awareness, and healthy self-confidence. You can neglect any of these qualities/skills and still get by as an average or poor manager or you can confront the personal challenges and develop into a good boss and successful manager. Good, to great, interpersonal skills will help a lot but not everyone has these skills when are getting started in managing.

To become skillful, you first have to realize that may not be perfect and that you would be willing to make positive changes to some deeply held beliefs or habit patterns. Sometimes we have to “unlearn” habits or techniques that we have used, or seen used by our parents, teachers, ex-bosses, or mentors. As an example, have you ever seen a frustrated parent or manager yelling emotionally in an upsetting moment. There may even have been violence or intimidation expressed and you realize that in the modern world of work, this is not acceptable as a motivating or guiding management concept. These explosions of emotion may work once or twice, in the “short term,” but will not work effectively for long term success. “Explosions” tend to damage relationships and may require too much time and energy to repair, which can be very difficult to do if your employment has been terminated.
There can be frustrations in interpersonal interactions, however, but appropriate managing in these difficult situations is what sets the great managers apart from less prepared, less successful managers.

1. Your personal motivation to be open to change and the desire to become a great manager is essential.

2. Self-awareness regarding your strengths, and more importantly, your challenges (your flaws/weaknesses) is very important. It is best to know, and understand, your own style of communication, your own motivations, and the difference in the styles and motivations of the members of your team so that you can communicate with, and then motivate, all team members most effectively.

3. Your abilities to communicate can be developed and enhanced to allow you to manage more effectively. Especially important is the ability to listen and the patience to really understand what you are hearing from your communication partner. (Do not rush to respond. Show respect and draw your partner out until you can clearly re-state what they are attempting to communicate.)

4. Negotiate a fair resolution, where possible. Rally your communication partners allegiance to your mutually agreed upon solution. Set a reasonable and verifiable timeline for accomplishment of the goal or project. “Clearly prioritize” the efforts of the project, the team, and each individual’s role in the project.

5. Offer support (and mentoring) along the way, without micro-managing along the way. Positive feedback and, most importantly, plenty of positive recognition (and celebration) for positive movement and ultimately for success will be worth your time and effort.

6. Show respect and try to see your partner’s point of view without overtly judging. Good delegation tolerates solutions that may follow a different path than you might have chosen. Though taking responsibility for their decisions and actions can be a very important step by your employee and should be discussed in the planning (job description) phase of the delegation process. (It is best, where possible, to allow for creativity by your team members.) Find ways to get your people to “fall in love” with your project, and hopefully, your company by allowing creative input into the project development process.

7. Clarity is important and should include the “big picture” of what is desired for long term success of your organization and how all of your individual team members will fill the necessary roles to accomplish the objectives of the project at hand. (Everyone needs to know their roles and their value to the project.)

8. Honor and acknowledge as many individuals, and of course the team, as often and as much as possible. This is especially true when deadlines are tight, team work is good, and creative solutions are developed. Rewards and acknowledgment do not always have to be in financial rewards (though team members who are high “Utilitarians” will require appropriate remunerations or other forms of compensation for their successful work.) Not everyone is motivated, solely, by money. This is where knowing your people will work as a successful retention strategy. Be creative in providing recognition and rewards.

9. You need to really care! Care about your team. Care about the project. Care about the company/organization, if at all possible. Your team will know if you do not “really care” and they will treat the project in the same way they see (or feel) their manager’s level of commitment.

If you find that you require clarification on any of these tips or could benefit from coaching to enhance your skills then find the best coach, trainer, or mentor to get you to the level you require. Do not think that you have to “re-invent the wheel” or figure it all out on your own, get feedback and assistance. Recognizing where you require assistance is the most important step you can make toward your eventual success. People who do not know how to ask for help are often the ones who do not reach their full potential. If your organization does not support you in your quest for improvement then consider doing this for yourself and possibly exploring other more supportive and empowering organizations.

Many managers have great technical: training, experience or skills, but have not been coached or mentored as managers. If you are looking for coaching or management development, please consider the Professional Management Coaching Program for manager skills training.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com for articles on Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program at www.dstress.com for a secondary source of income or as career path.