Category Archives: Happiness

Being Present: Key to Mindfulness

Posted on by

Have you ever suffered from anxiety, fear, or major stress? If so, then the chances are good that the fear or anxiety were born out of an experience from the past, as a learned response, or from fears of some future unknown or uncontrollable event. Throughout our lives we suffer great or small traumas and our body learns to respond to similar scenarios as if we were having PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) reactions. In deed, we may have mini-PTSD responses to fearful or difficult events even if these past events were not life threatening. Most importantly, if we ruminate on past events then we are not totally “present” in our bodies, in present time. Our bodies will then attempt to make us “present” by dragging us back into the present moment with an irritating, if not worse, symptom like an anxiety attack. This symptom is not necessarily the enemy, but it is a warning sign that we are not paying attention to our bodies, in the present moment.

Fear of the unknown or the uncertainty of what can happen in the future will also trigger a symptom of fear or anxiety. Since we can not predict the future with 100% accuracy, our flight-fight response can be triggered and physical or emotional symptoms can be exacerbated. When we lose track of the present moment, our body can force us to consider the present in rude ways.

Conversely, at the heart of every stress or anxiety management technique are simple activities designed to bring us back into our bodies in the present moment and in a “positive way.” One strong example is the request to take a deep slow breath and to feel the cool air as you inhale and the warm breath as you exhale. This simple, but powerful, request asks that you release thoughts regarding the past or expectations of the future and to feel the subtle difference of a slow inhale and exhale. This act of Mindfulness can back you away from your fear or anxiety especially when this has been rehearsed enough to become a habituated pattern.

Being Present or practicing Mindfulness is easier said than done, but the concept is not difficult to understand and with practice not too difficult to learn. Being prepared to “let go” of fear, anxiety, or traumatic thoughts can be very useful and can succeed when the skill of “Being Present” has become a positive habit.

Other techniques for mindfulness would include feeling: muscles relaxing, heart rate slowing, hands and feet warming, stomach tension releasing, and sensations of slowing down of distracting thoughts. Techniques which can lead to this state of mind and body, when practiced, include: Meditations, Autogenic Training, Progressive Relaxations, Visualizations/Imagery, forms of Self-Hypnosis, Breathing techniques, Yoga/Stretching, biofeedback training, and other types of focusing and observations. The secret is to find the one that works best for you, master it, and then use it preventively on a regular basis.

Information at the Stress Education Center’s website wwww.dstress.com may prove helpful to you.

Basking in the Light of Self-Acceptance

Posted on by

Can you allow yourself to bask in the light of Self-Love and Self-Acceptance? Can you see and accept both your strengths and your flaws? Can you find a way to break from being a “victim” of your challenges and your lessons?

Life would be easy if the answers to these questions was “Yes.” For most of us, we are in the struggle called “living” and can not find the time and energy to even ask these questions, let alone, develop the answers. These are questions that people have asked and struggled to answer since the first humans had enough consciousness to realize that they were more than just animals attempting to survive in a difficult, dangerous world. The lessons of consciousness that we historically struggle with are often ones like: What is my purpose? or Why am I alive? or Is there a God? or What happens when I die? or How can I find Love? or How can I keep the faith even as the storm of humiliation and disappointment surround me? There are no easy answers… but for each of us the process of discovery along the path to finding these answers is what our lives are all about.

I believe that each one of us is connected to a higher consciousness and our goal in life is to learn from our flaws/challenges so we can get a less filtered view of this pure consciousness. We are trying to connect with the God within us and to bask in the light of unconditional love and consciousness.

At some point, we must acknowledge our imperfections and find a way to accept these challenges as the lessons we have to learn. By accepting these flaws and giving up the “fight against them,” we can free our energy to find a better way to our life’s purpose and our goals. By giving up being a victim to our weaknesses or imperfections, we can invest our time and energy in moving more freely to the light of higher consciousness. Why is it easier to accept other people and their imperfections, than it is to accept our own? Accept and celebrate your flaws, especially if you wish to find a way to move in more positive directions.

Along the way, find and celebrate the God within you. You may be surprised to find how surprisingly familiar this supreme consciousness really is. (For me, God is not a religious term. It is a word that symbolizes unconditional love in the purest form and the highest consciousness that connects all living things.)

Basking in the Brilliance of Spirit

Posted on by

What feeds your spirit? What activities connect you with your spirit? How often do you seek to develop your spiritual nature? When we speak of “spirit” or spiritual development in this article, we are not speaking about learning religious philosophy or in practicing religious rituals. Instead, we are speaking of the deeper connections with the brilliance of love and light that comes from deep within every living being. In doing so, there is no exclusion of spirit due to different philosophical or religious beliefs or attitudes. There are no qualifications or exclusions from connecting with spirit. One of the main understandings regarding this celebration of spirit is that “we are all at one” with all other living creatures. We are all “connected.”

Time and space (place) are less of a division in the world of spirit. Spirit may be more a feeling rather than a thought. For people who have been able to bring these feelings back from a spiritual experience often describe a feeling of “oneness” or a sense of deep connection. There may also be a feeling of “unconditional love” which can also be described in some religions as a feeling of connection with the religion’s God, but not necessarily with all the morale or cultural beliefs.

People will visit a glorious natural environment and feel the power of connection with natural beauty that has the power to create calmness and sometimes healing. When learning to connect with your spirit it is good to be reminded that you can get there more easily if you “Quiet your mind” and control your expectations. (Neither of these is easy to do when getting started but can come more easily with practice.) It is important to be “still” and to let “it” come to you. Chasing the spirit can make it more difficult to do. A final reminder: Be Open… You may not experience the process in the way you think you might need, but actually get the experience that you will best learn from…. If, you are open to it.

I am reminded of a time when I was in a late afternoon meditation on a cliff that over looked the waves churning unto a beach in Sonoma County, CA. With my mind reaching to be in “neutral” (no extra thoughts), I found myself listening to a dialogue in my head. One voice seemed to come from the perspective of a “guide” in the form of a seagull who was describing the birth of the winds as a power to consider. The Voice suggested that the winds were created by the difference in temperatures of the ocean and the land. As the land heated up and warmed the air over it, the air would rise and the cooler air over the ocean would rush in to fill this void, so creating a breeze. Waves are generated by the movements of the wind and their force is respected for the great power that this force of nature manifests. The Voice asked me to consider harnessing the power of the winds as seagulls do as they soar, almost effortlessly, by using the currents of wind. A part of me listened to the dialogue with fascination. Another part of my mind was asking where this Voice was coming from and where the information of this Voice was coming from. I considered the experience as a connection with the “collective unconscious” described by many famous psychologists and philosophers. I felt blessed to be allowed to share in this mind expanding experience.

Another late afternoon meditation created a powerful but not uncommon learning experience. In my visualization, I imagined that I was sitting by a river with my back against a tree. I pictured myself meditating and seeing the transformation of the river in front of me into the “River of Life.” It was golden in color. It flowed from my right side to my left, slowly and evenly. I “knew” that the waters would eventually empty into the sea. Each golden molecule of water represented a living soul. The molecules of water would evaporate from the sea to form golden clouds which would lead to a golden rain high up in the mountains. The molecules would join other molecules to form small streams flowing downhill to join larger rivers until the “cycle of life” would be repeat by following the path of the golden river of life back to the sea, once again. I saw myself as a molecule of water swirling downstream occasionally being caught in an eddy and swirling in circles to learn my lessons. Most importantly, I felt myself “connected” to all other living things in this river of life. I knew that I was never alone or separate from other living beings as we struggle to improve and move forward with our lessons of life. Though this meditation happened for me almost 40 years ago, I remember it and I feel it as if it was happening right now… This type of connection with the oneness of consciousness is far from unique. It has happened before and will happen again in some form or another for people who are open to this transformative experience/lesson.

Please consider taking time to connect with your spirit and celebrating the learning that you can achieve. It will change your life.

For life balance and stress management, it is important to maintain your ideal state of mind, body, and spirit. Too focused attention on any one area, over the others, may provide an imbalance that will not allow the best quality of life. Please take good care of yourself.

Please comment on this blog if you are so moved.

10 Tips to Survive the Holidays

Posted on by

    10 Tips to Survive the Holidaze

The Holidays are more stressful and overwhelming, now.
Do you want to be happier and healthier this holiday season?
Would you like to enjoy the holidays more?

This article is devoted to Holiday Stress Survival Tips to improve quality of life through the holidays.
This holiday season will be stress filled. World economic swings and terrorism have created conditions that have changed our holiday celebrations. Attitudes towards travel, being with family, celebration in the face of fear and sadness, will make this year’s holiday season different than in years past. Adjustments will help to create new ways of participating in the holiday events. These can be both positive and negative. Consider new traditions in self-care. Search for community support that will open your heart to the joys that are possible in this season.

Remember the things that are the most stressful are the things that you care the most about, but have the least control over. World events, the economy, the way people respond, and our families (and children) are major stressors that we wish we could control, but often can not.

1. Schedule Time for Self-Care!
Regular exercise and time for stress management are a must. Find what techniques work best for you, and use these tools. This is non-negotiable time devoted for your health and well being.

2. Eat Well
Moderation is the key. Do not use alcohol or drugs for stress management. Do not “over” celebrate. Avoid fast foods.

3. Avoid Caffeine
Minimize the impact of caffeine on your life.

4. Plan the Holiday… Set some limits
Do not over spend your financial and emotional resources.

5. Control Your Expectations of:
Happiness, Joy, Sadness, and Loneliness

6. Be Nice to Others
Give compliments and smile. Around negative, anxious, or rude people, take a breath and remember that you do not need to get pulled into other people’s holiday misery or their craziness.

7. Reach Out for Support
Talk with “stable” friends or family, or clergy, or mental health counselors.

8. Humor Helps… Have Fun
Laugh daily, if possible.

9. Stay in the Present!
Mentally and emotionally, do not be consumed by things that happened in the past or fear events in the future. Enjoy the people you are with and make the very best of the situation that you are in.

10. Find the True Spirit of the Holidays

Share this with those people who you love or care about. Contact us with your questions or comments.
Please take good care of yourself.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for articles, free ezine signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available.

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.

The Secret to Finding Balance in Life

Posted on by

There are major areas in your life that when left unattended can lead to a lack of balance and prevent you from full life satisfaction. You can be a victim to a lack of awareness regarding these areas and suffer from physical or emotional symptoms including anxiety, depression, headaches, pain, abdominal complaints, and reduce productivity (due to unconscious distractions.) With awareness and action you can use your new balance to be more productive, prosperous and healthy.

Find the 8 essential areas of your life and learn to honor the ones that you do not make time for in your life. This will help to re-prioritize your life and give you greater balance as you pursue your long term goals and aspirations. The 8 essential life areas include: career, finance, family, friends/relationships, education/life long learning, health, creativity/aesthetic, and honoring the spirit. If you do not have a plan for honoring each of these 8 areas then you may not have balance and may have to fight to sustain emotional and physical health and well-being.

The first two areas are obvious and many people spend time and energy working to fulfill these areas. Career relates to your work and the satisfaction that you may achieve through being productive. Many people need to address their work/career if they find themselves under-satisfied by the job that they are employed to do. Training and mentoring can lead to more appropriate career paths. Finance includes current and future plans for financial stability and security. Long term planning is required and impulse control is necessary to help maintain your long-term planning until you achieve your financial goals. There is a great deal of support regarding these two areas and so society tends to focus on these areas but these do always provide life balance or satisfaction by themselves.

“Family” is an area that relates to the closest relationships that we have. The importance of having close ties to your family can vary a lot. Some people require large amounts of contact with parents, siblings, and children. If this were true for you, you have to make time to maintain these relationships. Some people are not as connected or attached to these close family relationships and so they may require less time and attention to maintain their balance. Career and other life distractions can move this area to a seemingly lower priority but this can be a huge mistake and in some cultures, family, is the highest priority. This support is very important and should not be shuffled to lower priorities. If you neglect this area, you may suffer emotionally and physically. Remember that “quality” of time with family is more important than quantity. Do not miss your opportunities for good, close connections even if your schedule is an issue.

“Friends/Relationships” like family are important, but individual needs vary. Time with chosen, “healthy” friends is important. This support both giving and receiving is critical for most humans. These are relationships that can be as intimate as husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, or intense coupling that seems born into our genetic code. When your life is tested by change or tragedy, close, healthy friends and relationships can be critical. Time in your life may need to be allocated to find, build, and maintain these relationships. We all have different levels of needs. Remember that the quality of these contacts is more important than quantity, though people with need for drama in their lives may want to argue about the need to quantity of time for relationships.

“Life-long learning” is the pursuit of knowledge or wisdom that allows you to move forward in your life. Sometimes it is specific to career development but it can also relate to information that can allow for better decision making or following a passion in your life. To not expand your knowledge can lead to a weakening of memory. Studies have proven that an active mind is less likely to suffer of the early onset challenges like dementia. Life is more interesting when you challenge yourself to expand consciousness and information.

“Health” is a “no-brainer” when it comes to balance and life satisfaction. Investing time and energy in keeping fit and eating “right” is an individual but necessary requirement for the most productive life. Bad habits can, and should, be changed, either reduced or eliminated. Substance abuse is a very temporary distraction from pain or anxiety (fear-anger) and does not offer long-term solutions but can lead to long-term impairments. Challenges can “run” in families but this is no excuse for caving in as a victim to poor health. Time spent on health and wellness actually saves you time and money, in the long run. Companies who tract wellness programs often find a cost benefit of $5, or more, for every $1 spent on wellness. This is true for the quality of your life and even your levels of productivity. DO NOT USE “no time” as an excuse. You will save time by practicing stress management, getting regular exercise, and eating better.

“Creativity and Aesthetic” pursuits are not simply producing arts and crafts. Not everyone has talent for this type of creative endeavor. Everyone does have an appreciation for some form of art or natural beauty and we must invest resources in finding the activities that touch your aesthetic needs. Maybe a hike or trip to a museum will meet your requirements and give you balance. Planning a once a month visit to experience a beautiful natural environment or man-made work of art, or going to a performance, or listening to uplifting music can all qualify for creating satisfaction in this area. Being distracted by TV, video games, or movies may not be enough… Exploring your requirements for quality aesthetic exposure is important and is often ignored, with poor long-term results in life satisfaction.

Finally, “Honoring the Spirit” is an area that requires attention. There may be an over-lap with attending to aesthetic or creative pursuits because pursuing the spiritual requirements may have more to do with feeling good in your heart than chasing a philosophy. So religion or religious pursuits do not always involve the true celebration of spirit. Religion can be cerebral or political in ways that may feed the mind but not always the soul/spirit. Do not take this area lightly. When you do not know how to nourish your true spirit you run the risk of having fears and anxieties about important transitions like death/dying, parenting, or aging that when left unresolved can lead to serious emotional imbalance. Everyone has different requirements for honoring or celebrating spirit. Do not fall into the trap of taking on someone else’s belief. FIND YOUR OWN PATH.

If you are unclear how to pursue engaging in any of these areas in your own life, consider finding a mentor or life coach who you can trust to assist you at examining the specific needs you may have in your unique situation and life. If you need assistance, consider the Stress Education Center for this life coaching (www.dstress.com.) But remember, honor your own needs and find a way to incorporate these areas into your life. Life satisfaction may be the biggest and best reward. Take good care of yourself.

Do Not Run With Chainsaws – Zen

Posted on by

When we were young, we were told not to run with sharp objects like scissors or knives or broken glass. Why, because these items are dangerous. They are sharp and you could trip and fall and hurt yourself. So, D.R.W.C.

Chainsaws can be dangerous. They are sharp and many bad things can happen if you are careless (or make a mistake) when handling them. Running chainsaws are more dangerous than non-running chainsaws but you should still pay attention when carrying a non-running chainsaw. Take proper pre-cautions. Dress appropriately. Look carefully at your chainsawing environment and avoid tripping if you are carrying a running chainsaw.

I like chainsawing. It can be Zen like. Though chainsawing is not quiet or peaceful, it requires full attention, in the present moment. This need for being present makes it Zen like. People do risky, sometimes dangerous (or even foolish) things, to force themselves into paying attention to the “being in the present moment.” Some people go skiing on dangerous icy slopes, at the top of mountains, in the middle of Winter. Some people drive their cars faster than the speed limit signs suggest. Some people jump out of airplanes, for fun. Some people try to sell you insurance or investments (consider this statement to be a joke.) All of these activities require facing danger and can make you focus on the present moment. For me, running my chainsaw gets my adrenaline flowing and tells me that danger is close enough that I should really let go of thoughts/memories from the past or to not concern myself with fears of the future’s unknowns and to focus on being present. Not all people would feel the same way. Heck, I know people who do not like hard physical work. These people sometimes find that working up a sweat is just too much effort. Oh well, they will have to find their own way to achieve a Zen experience.

Once you clear the area of dangerous debris (so you won’t trip and fall) and you have got your chainsaw running, remember, D.R.W.C., Don’t Run With Chainsaws… But along the way, enjoy the experience and find your way into the present…

Zen on…

Basking in the Brilliance of Spirit

Posted on by

What feeds your spirit? What activities connect you with your spirit? How often do you seek to develop your spiritual nature? When we speak of “spirit” or spiritual development in this article, we are not speaking about learning religious philosophy or in practicing religious rituals. Instead, we are speaking of the deeper connections with the brilliance of love and light that comes from deep within every living being. In doing so, there is no exclusion of spirit due to different philosophical or religious beliefs or attitudes. There are no qualifications or exclusions from connecting with spirit. One of the main understandings regarding this celebration of spirit is that “we are all at one” with all other living creatures. We are all “connected.”
Time and space (place) are less of a division in the world of spirit. Spirit may be more a feeling rather than a thought. For people who have been able to bring these feelings back from a spiritual experience often describe a feeling of “oneness” or a sense of deep connection. There may also be a feeling of “unconditional love” which can also be described in some religions as a feeling of connection with the religion’s God, but not necessarily with all the morale or cultural beliefs.

People will visit a glorious natural environment and feel the power of connection with natural beauty that has the power to create calmness and sometimes healing. When learning to connect with your spirit it is good to be reminded that you can get there more easily if you “Quiet your mind” and control your expectations. (Neither of these is easy to do when getting started but can come more easily with practice.) It is important to be “still” and to let “it” come to you. Chasing the spirit can make it more difficult to do. A final reminder: Be Open… You may not experience the process in the way you think you might need, but actually get the experience that you will best learn from…. If, you are open to it.

I am reminded of a time when I was in a late afternoon meditation on a cliff that over looked the waves churning unto a beach in Sonoma County, CA. With my mind reaching to be in “neutral” (no extra thoughts), I found myself listening to a dialogue in my head. One voice seemed to come from the perspective of a “guide” in the form of a seagull who was describing the birth of the winds as a power to consider. The “Voice” suggested that the winds were created by the difference in temperatures of the ocean and the land. As the land heated up and warmed the air over it, the air would rise and the cooler air over the ocean would rush in to fill this void, so creating a breeze. Waves are generated by the movements of the wind and their force is respected for the great power that this force of nature manifests. The Voice asked me to consider harnessing the power of the winds as seagulls do as they soar, almost effortlessly, by using the currents of wind. A part of me listened to the dialogue with fascination. Another part of my mind was asking where this Voice was coming from and where the information of this Voice was coming from. I considered the experience as a connection with the “collective unconscious” described by many famous psychologist and philosophers. I felt blessed to be allowed to share in this mind expanding experience.

Another late afternoon meditation created a powerful but not uncommon learning experience. In my visualization, I imagined that I was sitting by a river with my back against a tree. I pictured myself meditating and seeing the transformation of the river in front of me into the “River of Life.” It was golden in color. It flowed from my right side to my left, slowly and evenly. I “knew” that the waters would eventually empty into the sea. Each golden molecule of water represented a living soul. The molecules of water would evaporate from the sea to form golden clouds which would lead to a golden rain high up in the mountains. The molecules would join other molecules to form small streams flowing downhill to join larger rivers until the “cycle of life” would be repeated by following the path of the golden river of life back to the sea, once again. I saw myself as a molecule of water swirling downstream occasionally being caught in an eddy and swirling in circles to learn my lessons. Most importantly, I felt myself “connected” to all other living things in this river of life. I knew that I was never alone or separate from other living beings as we struggle to improve and move forward with our lessons of life. Though this meditation happened for me 40 years ago, I remember it and I feel it as if it was happening right now… This type of connection with the oneness of consciousness is far from unique. It has happened before and will happen again in some form or another for people who are open to this transformative experience/lesson.

Please consider taking time to connect with your spirit and celebrating the learning that you can achieve. It will change your life.

For life balance and stress management, it is important to maintain your ideal state of mind, body, and spirit. Too focused attention on any one area, over the others, may provide an imbalance that will not allow the best quality of life. Please take good care of yourself.

Please comment on this blog if you are so moved. Share this blog if you find value, thank you.

Are Relationships Stressful?

Posted on by

Most relationships require time and attention and this can prove stressful. For relationships to work, they require maintenance and energy. If these are in short supply then you can experience stress. The very nature of forming a good and healthy relationship is different for every person and every relationship. A secret that many people have to learn is about timing. An attractive relationship will not get off the ground unless the timing of attraction is good. As an example, think about any relationship you have pursued. If it worked out, both sides were available and ready. This is good timing. If only one side of the attraction is available, it can be very difficult, if not impossible, for it to work out.

Relationships have a wide range of possibilities. They can be romantic relationships or friendship relationships or business relationships or therapeutic relationships or possibly all of these. Most people require relationships at some point in their lives. Many people are raised without positive role models of healthy relationships and no matter how many TV shows or movies, or even books you read, you may not come across good relationship examples. Sometimes you have to use trial and error to figure this out and it is greatly complicated by the complex personalities of the people we attempt to have relationships with. By the way, relationships continue to evolve and change as the participants learn and grow. Your strong, but flexible, motivation may be a useful tool in maintaining relationships.

Some people are very traditional and have very strong inflexible values. Unless they hook up with the “right” situation in the first place, their relationship may prove difficult or fall apart over time. So knowing about yourself and your values can be a great start to developing stronger relationships. Controlling your expectations of changing your partner is a very useful consideration. If you do not like (and accept) the person in front of you but you see “real potential” then you may be doomed to the pain of watching their “unfilled potential” as they veer in a different than expected direction. “Expectations screw things up!” It is good to have a list of important qualities that you are seeking in a potential relationship before you begin to pursue the challenge of finding and then developing a relationship, especially if this is an important relationship for you. Ask yourself what you really need and do not accept less. What you want, may offer some flexibility.

A lasting relationship requires your loyalty and trust. If the timing is not right, one side or the other may move in directions that are less loyal and trustworthy. (And, “mid-life crisis” type personal changes can wreck certain relationships.)

Remember to take GOOD care of yourself. Because if your “light goes out” you run the risk of losing the attraction you have to your partner. It sometimes feels selfish to take care of yourself but this is essential to your own well-being, on many levels, and to your relationship. Continue your self exploration and growth. A healthy relationship can weather the storm your personal change and development may bring.

For many people in relationships good communication is hard work but necessary. Honesty with yourself and your partner, from the beginning, builds the best foundations for long term success.

Relationships can be the most stressful thing that you experience but they can also be the most rewarding. Ask most parents about their children. Without connection, shared love, and the deep bonding of relationships, most of us would not have the depth of purpose that create the most important lesson we have to learn from in this life.
Learn on….

If you require an assessment to learn more about your style or your values or your attitudes contact the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com to get the assessments and the coaching that can make you more successful. This can be used for personal relationships and is also very helpful with key teams and management groups.

Beauty from the Inside Out

Posted on by

Why do people strive to be “Beautiful?” Everyone has a different definition of what beauty is but the main goal of beauty, or working to be beautiful, is to be attractive to a targeted group of people. Attractiveness can take many forms and an understanding of the desires of the target group can assist you in becoming the most attractive and beautiful person you can be.

In Western culture, beauty can be based on desirable physical attributes. Since primitive humans emerged from the other early species, attractiveness was based on physical attributes that could help ensure the survival of the family. Being strong, a good worker, or a good hunter/gatherer were desirable characteristics and attractive in helping to find the best “mates.” These positive characteristics could be passed along to the next generation with the greater possibility of family survival. In the recent past, physical attributes like height, strength, speed, body types, and financial stability (wealth) have become features to identify for attractiveness. Fashion trends often help people to accentuate their best attributes. Make-up and hair styling has added to the ways in which people will present themselves to be most attractive, to their targeted group.

People engage in body altering behaviors to create increased levels of attractiveness. Weight-loss programs, fitness programs, body art, and cosmetic surgical procedures have become fashionable in attempts to alter natural appearance and become more desirable. In the primitive, “survival of the fittest” mentality, people chase their dream of being someone they were not born to be and often find it leads to a lack of self-esteem and lowered feeling of self-worth.

Beauty often comes from feelings of self-confidence. Some of the most “attractive” people you encounter will not meet the standards that are created by the media. Many very attractive people are not tall, blond, blue-eyed, physically well endowed, and sun tanned Gods or Goddesses. In fact, the most “movie ready” actors or models are often some of the most unsuccessful in finding real life happiness and life satisfaction. (Look at the tabloids who ridicule celebrities for every transgression that our celebrities are unlucky enough to find themselves within.) We often fantasize being like our celebrity idols until we see their lives fall apart due the strain of their celebrity and them getting hauled into court for their misbehaviors.

A more positive alternative for most people is to find a positive way to become attractive. To do this, we must look inside, find our very best attributes, enhance these, and then find ways to display these attributes in the very best ways possible. Attractiveness may be your intelligence, your compassion, your positive energy, your skill of empathy, your ability to communicate, your softness, or your sense of humor. (Though from personal experience, I found that my sense of humor was often used as a defense mechanism when I was feeling vulnerable.) The happiest and most successful people I know are the people who allow their beauty to come from the inside out. The most emotionally healthy people are, by their nature, some of the most attractive people I actually know. Fantasizing about beautiful people is OK but in the long run not as satisfying as having healthy attractive people in your life.

We often settle for something, or someone, less than healthy as we search for attractive partners. When we are young, physical attraction and seductive fashions seem to be desirable traps that we must negotiate. It might be better to understand your deepest needs and requirements in a partner than to “settle” for the first person who gives you a positive response or the first person who meets your physical gratifications.

Beautiful people have to work to maintain their health and self-esteem. They will make time and put their resources into self-care by exercising, eating correctly, getting sleep, and practicing regular stress management. They will often create balance in their lives by including expressions of their creativity, having time for positive, nurturing relationships, and spending time in honoring their spiritual pursuits.

People who have addictions and need to block their own relationships with their own history or past traumas, are often struggling to find the beauty within. The addictions can include: alcohol, drugs, medications, food, sex, smoking, spending/hoarding, gambling, and adrenaline sports or activities. These addictions block the pain or anxiety but do not allow for the inner beauty and self-confidence to shine.

A secret to finding your beauty often involves breaking free from a cultural picture of success and beauty. Find your own definition of a healthy compatible partner. Find your own inner strengths and beauties and demonstrate these. Master self-awareness and self-care. Self-awareness entails knowing and understanding both your strengths and your flaws so well that you can accept any weaknesses as your lessons and then find new ways to live where you will not be a victim to any of these imperfections. Finding self-love and acceptance, which may require support and assistance, will be a useful process that can lead to your long term success and happiness. Getting trapped in other people’s expectations or their visions of beauty may lead down a path of unhappiness.

Please take good care of yourself. Thank you for your time and consideration.

If you require life coaching to assist you in developing your self-awareness and self-care, consider coaching from the Stress Education Center available at www.dstress.com

“A Dash of Cinnamon for Peace”

Posted on by

Excerpt from “Pink Hair & Chocolate Cookies” by Laura Lavigne (of the Center for Happiness, Anacortes, WA)

Many years ago, through the course of one of life’s strange turns of events, I met a woman who worked for an adoption agency. During while of our conversations, she unknowingly gifted me with some powerful insight regarding the importance of our attitude.

One of the cases she was managing involved the open adoption of twin baby girls. The girls were placed in two separate homes; part of the open adoption agreement stated that the agency was to provide the birth mom with regular reports about the girls.

When the girls were three years old, both sets of adoptive parents were contacted and presented with a series of questions. One of the questions concerned their appetite.

When asked about her daughter’s eating habits, the first mom expressed her distress: meals, she said, were always a struggle and created much family tension. The little girl would not eat anything, no matter how she prepared it – unless it had cinnamon in it. This made life very difficult and she could not seem to break her child out of the strange habit.

Presented with the same question, the second mom stated that her little girl was a joy to feed: mealtimes were usually pleasant as all the mom had to do was sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon on her daughter’s food in order for her to eat pretty much anything. In fact, she was now keeping a shaker of cinnamon on the table, next to the salt and pepper.
Wow.

The “bigness” of this struck me like a bolt of lightening. Within an instant, I felt as though I had possibly been handed the secret to a happy life. Or to a miserable one.

Stress, I knew, comes mostly from “resisting what is.” Ease, then, possibly comes from creatively celebrating the same. Not always an easy task, not even always a feasible task, but what if it were something we could achieve, let’s say… some of the time?

What if we were to say “to heck with the neighbors and to heck with all the voices in my head” and simply aimed for peace?

What if we weren’t scared? Scared of losing control, scared of looking soft, or like fools, scared that “this” could lead to chaos and anarchy?

What if we were more interested in being happy than in being right?

What if peaceful meals and happy interactions were worth a shaker of cinnamon on the dining room table?
I know that we don’t always choose what comes our way but we almost always choose our reaction to it, and that can mean freedom.

I invite you to take a look, today, at the places in your life where you may be choosing stress; where you may be choosing to be right. And where you may be able to choose to be happy instead.
And who knows? Maybe cinnamon tastes great on mashed potatoes.

“Excerpt from Pink Hair & Chocolate Cookies, by Laura Lavigne. lauralavigne.com” $14.95 – Signed copies
For a personalized inscription, email me.

Anacortes Center for Happiness

Copyright © 2014 Laura Lavigne Life Coaching. All Rights Reserved.