Weddings Make Me Wonder

This month, August, 2022, there is a wedding in my family to attend and to wonder about… I do not wonder about the relationship between my older son and his fiancé. They are a decent match and both will benefit from getting married and having each other in their lives. What makes me wonder is before and during weddings is there any real consideration of the future for these relationships. Now, do not get me wrong, marriage is a good and necessary thing for couples in our culture. There is the legal bonding. There are financial benefits. There is the official acknowledgement of their loving relationship. There is the focused celebration with family and friends. There are the wedding gifts and the thank you notes. There is the planning and expense which some people enjoy… There are plenty of good reasons in the present moment to join in a documented relationship…

My wondering comes from my personal experience of marriage. I married my Bride, Barbara, in August of 1984 in Santa Rosa California. We were married in the backyard of a person I knew who offered a beautiful setting for us and the family and friends who could attend. It was hot. It was a lovely memory filled event with interesting and weird stories. We were committed to each other and remained committed until my Bride left her human form in January of 2012. We shared love, parenting, travel, financial challenges, lifestyle changes, health challenges, all in ways I would not trade. But, I never stopped to consider the end game. No consideration before or during our wedding. No real consideration for many years during our marriage. In the last 8 years of our marriage, after we received a “terminal cancer” diagnosis did the “end game” face any scrutiny.

Now, after my Bride left our relationship and I was left alone to consider our marriage, I was confronted by some clear and undeniable facts. No regrets for me, for the record… There are only two ways out of a marriage and these are often not well considered except by the super rich who sign pre-marital agreements to protect their money. AND, this is NOT what I am speaking about… I am considering the natural facts that marriages end in only one of two ways and neither are the enjoyable ways that people look forward to experiencing. There is divorce and there is death. In my opinion, these both seem grim. The death of my wife was a unique experience for me. I had never lost a marriage partner of 28 years and of a relationship of nearly 35 years. It has been my only marriage so I am not really familiar with what divorce offers as a personal learning experience but it has been reported by many people I know to be difficult and often necessary.

Which is why I wonder… should people about to be married consider the “end game?” Probably not! Going in to this relationship fully committed, “for better or worse, until death do they part…” My experience is NOT unique. Every married person lives, or dies, with some level of understanding as they move through the “end game.” Being naive has always seemed to help me, right up until I am confronted by the wisdom I must consider on the back end of my life’s experiences. That is what living our human lives is all about…

And, thank you for baring with me as I vent from my personal, experience driven, wonderment. Life is NOT meant to be a walk in the park or a “they lived happily ever after” reality. The discomfort in losing a person you have loved is an amazing opportunity to discover an empathy to the human condition which can give you wisdom to share. (In many cases this appears as bitterness, anger, or in negative terms, but it really is a unique learning opportunity.) My perspective on marriage and losing my Bride has been shared many times and has offered many people a chance to have a perspective which is often left unspoken in our culture. Do NOT miss any opportunity to share your love with the people you encounter, especially the people most dear… You never know what path your futures will take AND sharing Love is one of the most important things we have come to our human lives to do…

Also, these thoughts are NOT unique to marriage but that is on a front burner for me in these August days of 2022. My Bride will find a way to attend the wedding of her eldest, dear son. And, her loving memory will burn bright in the hearts and minds of her sons, her family, and all who have loved Barbara. Bless YOU on your travels through this human life. YOU are a miracle who has come to mix it up in the drama called human life. In my consideration, do not miss your opportunities to live most fully and to increase your consciousness regarding “Life” with every opportunity you stumble upon or choose to pursue.

Share your Love and your Light as much as you can…


Sanding as a metaphor of living a life of value. How did I come up with this topic, you ask? Well, maybe you did not ask either because you know me or you do not really care enough to ask… But, this morning as I write, sanding is on my mind. My son, my daughter-in-law, and my two grandchildren just started working on their new house. They are going to turn this slightly damaged house into their Home. With work beginning, I have promised to assist them so I have gotten involved. Today, I offered to them the use of my sanders. I have several. My favorites are my orbital sander and my belt sander. These power tools can help smooth and finish many projects. Oh, You can see where I am going…

It sometimes helps to have good tools to smooth the rough spots of one’s life. Depending on the situation at hand, you must assess whether you require major smoothing or a more subtle approach. In sanding, you start with a “coarse” sand paper for the obviously rough substance you are working upon. When the roughness is managed, you can progressively move to the “finer” grades of sand paper until you get to the “finishing” and “fine” grade of sand paper. The surface becomes smooth. So smooth, it may feel soft. The beauty of the grain of the wood begins to become richer. (If you are sanding wood.) A wood craftsperson will sand with the grain, gently, to allow the beauty to “pop.” It can require patience to gain the “luster” of a most beautiful finished product. It can require a soft and gentle approach as you move to completion of your sanding project. Of course, you move to the finest coarseness of your sand paper. You may create the very best end result with your focused love. And, you want to take precautions to keep the finer dust of the material you are smoothing away from having a negative effect on you. Wear a Mask! (Not a political statement.) You can love and acknowledge this excess material without having to “take it in.” Physically or emotionally.

These techniques can find their way into many human relationships and interactions. Patience and loving focus can buff the rough edges of human relationships, if you have the desire to bring out the best grain in your interpersonal connection. Starting rough and moving toward a finer more subtle approach can bring out the very best, if your relationship manages to have the value to smooth into a work of art. Most of the time, you do not even know the beauty which the loving smoothing can bring out. The magic is worth the effort to turn a new or rough relationship into a smooth and elegant expression of what is humanly possible. The deep richness of the grain which emerges is not always what you expected but what you can uncover is always interesting.

So, when the opportunity arises in your life to find and to work with a rough, fresh relationship, consider what the patience and love might uncover as you sand away in finer and finer grits. The beauty of the unique grain will pop out from your loving efforts.

And, now I must go to deliver on my promise, to assist my son with his new project. We will work and then watch as the beauty of the grain comes to the surface of the home project he has started. My hope is that you have the love and the patience to work your way through the rough spots of the important relationships and projects in which you are engaged. Your efforts are appreciated by the Universe. The Divine Spirit “knows” your intention and supports the creativity and artwork you produce as you sand your way through your life. You are a Miracle. As a Miracle you produce miracles with every loving connection you attempt. Whether you know it or not, YOU are an artist. A craftsperson capable of bringing the possible beauty to the surface of every relationship you may hold as valuable.

AND, The Divine Spirit also appreciates that not every bit of sanded dust is material which you must hold on to. You can allow yourself to release the rough edges you have smooth down as you have honed your relationships. The Universe knows what to do with the excess matter which you have sanded away. Nothing is ever lost but nothing is permanent either (in our material world.) Find the beauty of the deep grain in the projects of your life…

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Your Relationship with the Divine

There are different kinds of relationships. There are friendships, family, community, work, romantic, and many others. Each of us have had many relationships in our lives as humans. Beyond our “human” relationships we all have our relationship with the Divine Spirit, or the Source, or with God… These relationships with the Divine are different than human relationships and, in my understanding, are not possible to completely understand with human mind based consciousness. Why? Because our relationship with the Divine does not translate into 3 dimensional thinking and the limitations of linear time and space. (Our brains can not fully grasp the multi-dimensional consciousness found in the higher realms.)

We, as humans, usually require connections and support from fellow humans. For example, babies need care and feeding which their parents often supply. These conditional relationships persist in our lives. We are culturally taught, and have some genetic coding, to “care” for our children, families, friends and communities in this descending order of importance. Our “significant other”/partner is often a high priority but we have many challenges with cultural expectations that may not match up with our partner’s availability. These “Special Relationships,” as the Course in Miracles defines our human relationships, are not as unconditional as our relationship with the Divine. This is complicated. True unconditional divine love is too complex and multidimensional (from the higher realms) for the limited human consciousness to most fully grasp. Our human limitations are partially limited by our mind believing in three dimensions when there are an infinite amount of dimensions. And, our belief that time is linear with a “past,” a “present,” and a “future,” when in the Higher Realms of the Divine there is no time only the current moment. Our brains have limitations so we need to view in a linear order when, actually, we are timeless spirits… (This can be difficult for our minds to grasp.)

The Divine Spirit is a part of you which can not find its way into human understanding, let alone, words. For example, how do you really describe the full sense of “Unconditional Love.” Human love is always “conditional” and this too is complicated and not definable. Feelings and emotions can be suggested but not fully defined. The human brain can not really get a grip on what unconditional love is. In a near death experience I experienced, I briefly felt what the Divine’s Unconditional Love felt like. A nano-second of joy and bliss. It felt amazing but beyond definition. In my waking human consciousness I can get close but not really fully there when attempting to remember or relive this nano-second of my life’s past experience. I will wait for the transition at the end of this life to rejoin the Joy and Bliss which I was “teased” with in my NDE.

Know you ARE Loved Unconditionally even if the human mind and human life drama does not allow the full rememberance and feeling which this entails.

Rest assured, your mind will not, and does not have to, fully understand the full extent of the higher dimensions of the Divine Source. The limitations we humans have is a major part of our drama and our challenge in living our human lives. We unconsciously, often, are living to remember our pure connection to the Divine and to test our “learnings” to the dramatic play we call our lives… Finding, or remembering, who we truly are as perfect spirits in the Universe is a huge part of the “game” in living as limited human beings. It is Fun! It is a Joy to find our way through the fantasy of life we have chosen to live. Like going to a movie and loosing our normal life to the fantasy we see, and experience, on the screen.

You can raise your consciousness to “Know” and “Remember” from where your soul/spirit have come from and to where you will return… (If, you ever really left in the first place…)
And, your mind can argue with me in this set of beliefs regarding your participation in the Divine Spirit. You are Divine and YOU are connected to all the other souls in this Universe. We are all in this together. So everyone we bump into is another version of you… It is difficult to “Know” this and then to remember this belief when we interact, but these are the interactions and lessons we have come here to experience… Hopefully, in an ever more conscious way…

We are all being tested by the dramas we experience in our human existence. Isn’t it great! Difficult, depressing, painful, and challenging, BUT, Great! Our test to remember where we came from, The Divine, and where we will return, if we ever really “left” in the first place… We continue to connect with other pilgrims, know we are all in this together, and Love every spirit we encounter. That is “Enlightenment” and what we seek to carry forward in our human lives. We ARE the Divine, manifested into this human drama…

You are a Miracle! Thank you for being you.

Thanks for your time and consideration. Your insights and experiences are unique and a blessing, so please share these…

If you are READY and looking for a supportive community where you can share your story, your wisdom, and grow spiritually in a non-religious environment, consider Masters of the Journey.
You are a Blessing! You are a Master! Your wisdom from your life experience can have great value to other pilgrims on the path toward awakening and enlightenment.

The Masters of the Journey has events which are updated on our Facebook page which is found at: Please comment on this blog and share, if appropriate. More of our blogs are based on spiritual consciousness and can be found at


How do you maintain your relationships? How do you maintain your community? No two relationships or communities are the same and yet the “work” of maintaining these social connections has commonalities. If you “care” about these relationships, and often you “should” care, what does the care and feeding look like? The people who you have cross paths with in your life long enough to hear their story can tell a lot about you. The relationships and communities you build, and maintain, speak volumes about you…

For example, if you have called a “friend” do you wait until they return your call (or text or email, etc) before you reach out again? Do they “owe” you something because you contacted them? Or, when next you think of them, do you try again? Not keeping “score” on them owing you a return call… (I mention this because I know a lonelier person who always waited for a return call, feeling hurt or disrespected if a person did not get back to her. But, life can get in the way and not allow immediate responses.)

Relationships and communities are necessary, for most of us, and require some time and attention. They require some level of flexibility because they are rarely perfect or a perfect match to all the unique characteristics you may be carrying around with you, as you. And, sometimes a relationship can include people who may appear as “opposite” to your beliefs simply because these create a wonderful and challenging balance to who you are and what you believe. Do Opposites Attract each other? This perspective may be the essential part of the lesson you have come here, to this life, to learn from. So, no matter what, when you “feel” as if you should reach out, reach out! Chances are your guidance has sent you the message…

A long maintained relationship is not as much a burden as it is a touchstone letting you know from where you have come from and where you are at this moment in time. (Though time is not real, perspective on your life’s experience is…)

People, most people, require community. We require space to reach out and care about others, AND, to let others care about you! It is a cross purpose requirement. It benefits both sides. Sometimes it looks like it is not equal but it is… perhaps not fully known as it may be seen as unequal when it is… (Some people need to “give” more others and some people need to receive more than others.) Consider also, that it is a great gift to receive from another person, especially, when you have difficulty receiving…

And, whenever possible, do a “mitzvah,” a good deed, for another soul. Be available. Be of service with NO strings attached. This is your purpose in this life and the community of our world, our Universe, is better for this act of service. A good deed is not always expensive or time consuming. Sometimes it is simply listening and showing that you really care. Thank you! Share love with reckless abandon, without any unnecessary life-threatening recklessness… Sharing your love freely becomes a bright light to dissipate the darkness…!!! When you do good in the world do not do it because you “have to,” do it because it feels good to know you are living your “true self!” And, do not do good with an expectation of a return. When done purely out of sincere Love, with no strings attached, you are offering our Universe the perfection of connection and relationship.

Now, I invite you to consider the various types of relationships you have. Some are more common but some of us do not share the ones labeled as common, like family. Not all of us have family or significant others as partners. Some of us have many friends and some of us seem to not connect well with others as friends. We have teachers, mentors, ministers, counselors, professional care givers. We have more people in our lives offering remote sources of information or support. Most of us have neighbors, but not everyone connects with their immediate neighborhood community. Even casual relationships with our local businesses or fellow regular exercisers. NOW, ask yourself why did the Universe, the Divine, create the situation where these specific folks are in your life??? What are they to teach you? What are you to teach them? (Yes, even if it is what not to do…)

There are no accidents. And, consider the people you have known for a “long” time. What does this say about you, or them? And, what about the short-term explosions of relationships that did not last or stand the test of a longer time…??? And consider that, “No man is an island, entire of it self, every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main…” wrote John Donne in 1624. What does this mean for you?

You are a Miracle! Thank you for being you.

Thanks for your time and consideration. Your insights and experiences are unique and a blessing, so please share these…

If you are READY and looking for a supportive community where you can share your story, your wisdom, and grow spiritually in a non-religious environment, consider Masters of the Journey.
You are a Blessing! You are a Master! Your wisdom from your life experience can have great value to other pilgrims on the path toward awakening and enlightenment.

The Masters of the Journey has events which are updated on our Facebook page which is found at: Please comment on this blog and share, if appropriate. More of our blogs are based on spiritual consciousness and can be found at

Special Relationships vs the Holy Relationship

If you were born a human being, you were born to have relationships. You required the support, hopefully the Love, of parents, supporters, and caregivers because you could not survive on your own when you were first born. We learn the good, and the bad, about human relationships in our early years. We grow up striving for “ideal” (and so impossible) “perfect” relationships. Many people, including myself, believe, or have believed, that we can not be “whole” unless we can be defined within a relationship. Hopefully, a “healthy” relationship. We strive for great, supportive friends. We look for healthy supportive family members. We attempt to build healthy, supportive communities to join and participate within. (We can often face the disappointment in the imperfect relationships we “settle” into.)

Eventually, we may come to know that “Healthy” relationships with a partner, family, and friends may hold disappointment or at least, some level of incompleteness. In the study of the Course of Miracles (a professed dictation from Jesus,) these Earthly relationships may be referred to as “Special Relationships.” Our minds and our Egos get caught up in believing that these are worth striving for and without the “perfect” special relationships, we can not find happiness or even “safety.” “The Course” goes on the state that the only “true” relationship is the “Holy Relationship” with the Divine Spirit. We may eventually unlearn the “need” for human attachments and replace this with the connection with the Divine Spirit.

Some highly conscious people might say that “Enlightenment” is the understanding and celebration of your “Holy Relationship” with the Divine. I do not believe that this means we do not honor and celebrate imperfect human relationships, communities, and support. We require human interaction to learn our lessons. We also must be in these relationships to share our stories and to serve our fellow human contacts. We can not learn or grow without the “dramas” which play out as we interact with our fellow pilgrims. The love, the loss, and all the “intimate” interactions we have with the people who surround us are the challenges we have in this life to test out how far we have come in our spiritual evolution.

Where would we be without “sharing” a laugh or tears? Where would we be without making love and possibly risking getting “our hearts broken?” If we take responsibility for our lives, and our deaths, we need to love, and to face loss. We need to assist family to learn and to grow. We need to support and hug friends. One profound series of learnings for me has come from my long relationship with my wife. We had about 30 years together to raise a family and live through the trials of human family relationships. Her terminal diagnosis and the 8.5 years of experiencing cancer taught me many lessons. It made us closer. Her “transition” created a large hole in my life and this has been one of the most important learning experiences of my life… I would not wish this experience on anyone else but I would not trade this experience or the lessons or the memories for anything. Even through the “pain,” I appreciate the gift of my guidance moving my life through these moments and know the value I can share from these challenges. (My story is NOT unique but my lessons were unique and special for me and my development.)

In the study of Mindfulness, we come to learn certain principles which hold truth regarding human relationships. We might work to find Equanimity and know the Impermanence of Human relationships. In so doing we learn to appreciate, without being sucked into, the dramas experienced in interactions. We might find the truth that nothing in our world, and so relationships, are permanent and “ever lasting.” The only permanent thing in our Universe is the unconditional Love which pulses within us from the connection we have with the Divine Spirit. When you remember or “know” this imbedded wisdom you will know your “enlightenment” and your place in the higher consciousness termed (by me) the Divine Spirit.

You are a Miracle! You are a Unique Blessing! Thank you for being you and traveling this path to higher consciousness!

If you are READY and looking for a supportive community where you can share your story, your wisdom, and grow spiritually in a non-religious environment, consider Masters of the Journey.
You are a Blessing! You are a Master! Your wisdom from your life experience can have great value to other pilgrims on the path toward awakening and enlightenment.

The Masters of the Journey has events which are updated on our Facebook page which is found at: Please comment on this blog and share, if appropriate. More of our blogs are based on spiritual consciousness and can be found at

So, You Want to Be Interesting!

We have an interesting inborn need to be noticed at times in life. Being “interesting” can get you noticed. We can do this in many ways, both through positive recognition and for not so positive activities.

Let’s first define “interesting”:
adjective: interesting (Quoted from the Internet)
“arousing curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention.” “an interesting debate”

synonyms: “absorbing, engrossing, fascinating, riveting, gripping, compelling, captivating, engaging, enthralling”

antonyms: “boring” (We do not like being thought of as Dull or BORING!)

We do not usually want to be “Boring” but we may lack the ability to be fascinating, or captivating, or even enthralling. If you are compelled to develop your persona into the most interesting person you can be then this 2 part blog may give you something to consider and some skillsets to work on.

First, and foremost, if you do not want to be boring and you want to be engrossing DO NOT DO BORING THINGS! Put some activities into your life’s experience that ARE interesting! Start by turning off your TV, put down your smartphone, go out and read something which is well written, learn some new stuff, and start actually talking to people (More about how to this in part 2.) It really helps to release your pre-conceived conceptions and judgements so you can make some room for new experiences and knowledge. (Hey, I did not say this was going to be easy!) Meet new people. Ask Questions… AND also, go within yourself to find out who YOU are! At some point, you will not be what you think other people want you to be or a “Copy” of someone else. Being yourself may not sound interesting or sexy BUT it is real and genuine AND THAT IS INTERESTING!

Wow! Did I say to put down your SmartPhone and turn off your TV? What am I crazy? NO, you are to addicted to your technology AND this MAKES you less interesting. Watch people on airplanes, in restaurants, or any place where people are supposed to be meeting. What you now see is people NOT interacting with each other but constantly interaction with their technology as if they would miss something important or interesting if they did not respond instantaneously, 24-7, to their social media laden smartphones. Get a grip on what you were born to do, interact with other people NOT your technology!

What is your alternative behavior?
You have survived many challenges to get to this point in your life. You have learned some stuff from the successes you have had AND even more from your failures (or imperfections.) YOU have a story to tell. Go find it. Practice telling your stories so you can tell these stories better AND find love and find appreciation for the difficult lessons you have survived. Do NOT be a victim. Take responsibility and OWN these tough lessons so you can be the “Master” who you really are! People are attracted to positive energy and may seek to avoid negative, victim type behaviors and attitudes. AND remember, YOU are unique. Your perspective on life, seen through your eyes, is one of a kind! Your sharing of your stories can serve other people as a possible solution to their circumstance or offering hope that we all are in this together and finding similar challenges. (By telling your stories you will gain even more perspective regarding who you really are and about the path that led you to this point in your life.)

You may not fully realize how interesting you and your life truly are until you begin to reach out, first to self-understanding, and then to the act of sharing how YOU have survived in your life. Your survival seems quite simple to you but can amaze the person who has not experienced the weirdness of your family, your work, your schooling, your travels, YOUR LIFE!

Do not deny your “Bigness” because you are much more than the seemingly simple life in your nondescript body! You do not remember your perfection and the Divine Spirit which is at your core.

Part 2 (next blog) offers you some skills to practice. If you would like to join a community which is designed to support you in telling your story, consider participation in a non-religious community such as Masters of the Journey which purpose is to assist people to connect and gain in spiritual consciousness.

Put down your smartphone and go interact with PEOPLE and be the interesting person your ARE!

The Masters of the Journey has events which are updated on our Facebook page which is found at: Please comment on this blog and share, if appropriate. More of our blogs are based on spiritual consciousness and can be found at

The Act of Acknowledgement Will Improve Your Life!

Does it feel good to be acknowledged? Do you want better relationships and a better life? What is acknowledgement?

Relationships are the most important ingredient in your learning. Learning your lessons includes connecting at the deepest levels possible with people in your life. The Act of Acknowledgement is a strength which will improve your relationships and offer significant learnings for you! And, if you are seeking acknowledgement you often have to demonstrate this activity and be the role model to set off the chain reaction which will return to acknowledge your efforts.

The Act of Acknowledgement requires that you master, or attempt to master, several skills including: the ability to be fully “present,” listening, celebrating, communication without judgement, and loving. Unconditional loving is best, and often difficult, as giving loving feedback without conscious or unconscious strings attached is not a common occurrence for most people.

Being “fully present” is the act of being able to focus on your communication partner without remembering the past history you may have, blocking consideration of the future possibilities, and keeping your ego’s need to be “right” or coming across as “top dog” in check. Being fully present is easier said than done. You need to block distractions both external and internal to be most successful and this type of concentration takes practice.

The skill of “listening” is a lost art for most people for all the reasons listed above as being fully present. There are too many thoughts invading your mind coming from internal memories and emotions or from outside distractions. Listening requires the intention that you care enough about your communication partner to offer them the reverence they deserve. Judgements can get in the way. Lack of respect for your partner, yourself, or most anyone else also can become an obstacle to listening. In our cultural, time has become a difficulty when we are too desperate to sit patiently and not be the one who finishes sentences or over-talks your partner. (Hey, over-talking is NOT a good style of communication. It shows you do NOT have any respect for the speaker and that you are only listening to your own insecure ego’s need to control the conversation.)

Celebration, again without strings attached, can be done inappropriately. It can be over-done or under-done. It can be done without the sincere intention of honoring the person you are attempting to acknowledge. A shallow or insincere acknowledgement can be worse than no acknowledgement at all. It is not such a fine line but works best when you are celebrating in an authentic and sincere way. Doing this in a “pure” way to show your partner the respect you are most heartfelt in expressing.

Communication without judgement is another technique which often requires introspection and practice. Our culture has trained us well to “Judge” and we like to do what we are good at doing. We compare ourselves with others and look for their flaws or inadequacies so we can feel superior rather than remembering that we are all imperfect people who are interconnected with all other “perfect souls.” Separation and defensiveness depend on being judgmental. Our judgements get in the way of deeper intimacy and connection. It is difficult to offer a sincere acknowledgement with a deeply seated judgmental attitude.

Unconditional loving is the pure act of sharing without any strings attached. It is pure. It is nearly impossible in our world. Our nature is to offer love with an expectation that it will be returned. If you ever feel the “State of Grace” you may feel overwhelmed by the deepest and most indescribable feelings of acceptance, connection, and joyful, pure, healing love. Since we are not in heaven or physically living on the other side of the veil, we most come as close as we can to offering or partner pure love in our gift of acknowledgement. (It is helpful to know that we all “Know” what unconditional love is and feels like, we just have to “Remember” its beauty.)

The Act of Acknowledgement creates stronger and healthier relationships. These improved relationships will allow you to celebrate a better life.

Find the people and the moments when you can offer support and acknowledgement. Your heart and soul will bask in the beauty of these opportunities and you will be providing a wonderful service to our world!

You are a blessing! Your soul and spirit are perfect and radiant. Join in raising the consciousness of all you bump into, if in no other way than to be the role model of offering respect and unconditional love. You are a light-worker. If you feel that you or someone you know can benefit from support, consider doing our non-religious spiritual support community, the Masters of the Journey. Please take good care of yourself.

Relationships and Spirituality

An amazing insight and new perspective regarding relationships has hit me like a ton of bricks. My self-definition and personal description, until last week, has been one which included speaking of myself as a “Relationship Person.” This means that I did not see myself as “Whole” unless I was in a “meaningful” relationship with some romance gluing it together.

In reading from the ACIM (A Course in Miracles) Chapter 16 section 5 “The Choice for Completion,” I stumbled upon a foundation shaking perspective – FOR ME. Due to my earliest childhood I believe that I have learned some interesting things regarding relationships, sources of love, and my need/belief that I am a “relationship” person. My possible “Attachment Disorder” has caused me to learn the lesson of believing that I am NOT WHOLE without being in a “couple relationship.” I am not a victim or expressing weakness. It has been my foundational understanding that I required another person in my life to balance me out. Our culture encourages this bonding and mating behavior. Our culture encourages individuals to be part of the team in: sports, work groups, religious organizations, political parties, national commitments, and “special relationships” defining families. BUT ACIM tells me that I am “Perfect and whole” as a soul with Divinity at my core. It says, and I believe, that I/we are made in God’s image and we are perfect holograms of the Divine Spirit. The readings from last week suggest that if I give myself up to be connected in a “Special relationship” then I am not honoring the perfection and wholeness of my divine soul. This does not mean that I do not love other incarnated souls. It just suggests that I should not look to or demand that a relationship make me “whole.”

I am struggling with recent teachings (from “A Course in Miracles” and “The Way of Mastery” see below) but feel that there is truth and wisdom in these words. I am not sure how to apply these concepts to my “current life” but will see where this leads me. My recent learnings and “Knowings” tell me that I am much greater than my “petty” human life and the Divine is at my core, as it is in the soul/core of every being I encounter. We are all reflections of the perfection of the Divine Spirit. No better and no worse. And, though we can learn from interacting with other “pilgrims,” we are ALL IN THIS TOGETHER and our purpose is to support and to assist “everyone” we encounter to learn their specific lessons so we can all evolve in awareness and consciousness together. We are all actors, playing our roles, in the Divine Play…

There are the many people I have loved and continue to love. I am blessed to have been guided and supported by friends, family, lovers, spirits, and even guides from other realms. My life has been Graced and Protected. When I came to the “Fork in the Road,” my choices were “Perfect” and led me to where I am today… Yes, especially in writing this obscure blog regarding my recent spiritual evolution and learning about many things including relationships. As YOU read this, remember that YOU are Perfect and You are a Master. Your challenges have taught you the lessons that give You wisdom to share. You must find the ways to articulate your learning and to serve all the souls whom you encounter. YOUR Purpose is to take the hand of fellow pilgrims and support their learning and development so that we all can benefit.

You are a Blessing! You are so much more than the body and the incarnated life you lead. If you have not already, You will find Your way to remember Your Divinity and to Grace the Universe with your wisdom!

You ARE Perfect and if you would like to support fellow travelers consider the community of Masters of the Journey.

My studies of the “A Course in Miracles” and “The Way of Mastery” which are amazing books which have been “Channelled” from Jesus. ACIM was delivered in 1965-1972 and published first in the 1976 and “The Way of Mastery” was delivered from 1994-1997 and has been published since 2004 (with some disagreements…) If you have not been exposed to these “dictations” you may want to spend some time with these wordy works. Personally, I require a support group, which I have, to help translate these concepts for my understanding. In the past 20 months, I have learned a great deal and turned some of my early resistance to these dictations into some very profound and important self-learning and spiritual insights. Sorry for this long introduction.

Key to Communication: Really Listening!

Successful communication in interpersonal relationships can be very important in business and in one’s personal life. This is not difficult to realize as a concept but it can be difficult to achieve. There are many variables that help a communication or make communication go terribly wrong. Some of these variables you can control and some you can not. An example, you may be very focus and clear regarding an important topic of conversation you may have with a client but you can not control the client’s focus or state of mind. They may be busy on “other” things and can not “engage” or focus on what you are saying.

So let’s discuss some of the variables that you can understand and control. Two of the most important ones in interpersonal communication are Timing and Listening. There are many other variables which we will discuss in other articles but let’s start with these two variables.

Timing is key in every aspect of relationships. If one side is distracted or unavailable, it is not fortuitous for the success of a communication. Scheduling the time and getting an agreement regarding this appointment are essential when your communication is critical. If you can not create an environment that is relatively undistracted and conducive to an appropriate exchange then your important message may be missed. Find the best time and space for you to communicate. At the beginning of the conversation, it may be best to ask again if this is a “good time” to talk, knowing that just because your partner has shown up at the appointment it does not mean that they are ready and undistracted. So, checkin. Make sure the table is clear and they are ready to participate. If not, and your communication is of critical value, you may have to reschedule or risk the failure of the process.

Perhaps even more importantly, is the skill to listen! It is easier said than done, but an essential key to great communication is not speaking but listening to your partner. If you interrupt, or think ahead, or find an emotional tangent to distract you, or simply lose your focus, your partner will sense your lack of “presence” and be distracted in a way which may make the meeting destined to failure. Use all of your senses to focus and to listen to what your communication partner is saying. Make eye contact. Relax your breathing to encourage your partner to relax. Respect your partners words and their opinion even if you may disagree. Do not interrupt! Keep your mouth closed until you can assist your partner by asking and “open ended question” to help clarify what they are communicating. Restate what you have heard to make sure you are very clear about what they are attempting to convey to you. Only after restatement and permission to response, is it a good time to find your appropriate answer. Show some gratitude to your partner. As a reminder, shouting someone else down does show intelligence, maturity or respect for a positive outcome.

Hint, for the best possible communication: Listen to your communication partner as if you respected this relationship so much it would be as if you were listening to the most honored elder or even, as if you were sitting in the presence of God. (Some people believe that you can find the perfect spirit of the divine in everyone, if you look for it.)

It has been said that we were given two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice as much. This is critical in personal relationships, friendships, family, and in business. Timing and listening. You are going to be more successful if you remember these keys to better communication.

We will have more to share regarding communication. This is a start. Please respond and try these two concepts in your next “important” communication.

Coaching and training are available at the Stress Education Center,

Are Relationships Stressful?

Most relationships require time and attention and this can prove stressful. For relationships to work, they require maintenance and energy. If these are in short supply then you can experience stress. The very nature of forming a good and healthy relationship is different for every person and every relationship. A secret that many people have to learn is about timing. An attractive relationship will not get off the ground unless the timing of attraction is good. As an example, think about any relationship you have pursued. If it worked out, both sides were available and ready. This is good timing. If only one side of the attraction is available, it can be very difficult, if not impossible, for it to work out.

Relationships have a wide range of possibilities. They can be romantic relationships or friendship relationships or business relationships or therapeutic relationships or possibly all of these. Most people require relationships at some point in their lives. Many people are raised without positive role models of healthy relationships and no matter how many TV shows or movies, or even books you read, you may not come across good relationship examples. Sometimes you have to use trial and error to figure this out and it is greatly complicated by the complex personalities of the people we attempt to have relationships with. By the way, relationships continue to evolve and change as the participants learn and grow. Your strong, but flexible, motivation may be a useful tool in maintaining relationships.

Some people are very traditional and have very strong inflexible values. Unless they hook up with the “right” situation in the first place, their relationship may prove difficult or fall apart over time. So knowing about yourself and your values can be a great start to developing stronger relationships. Controlling your expectations of changing your partner is a very useful consideration. If you do not like (and accept) the person in front of you but you see “real potential” then you may be doomed to the pain of watching their “unfilled potential” as they veer in a different than expected direction. “Expectations screw things up!” It is good to have a list of important qualities that you are seeking in a potential relationship before you begin to pursue the challenge of finding and then developing a relationship, especially if this is an important relationship for you. Ask yourself what you really need and do not accept less. What you want, may offer some flexibility.

A lasting relationship requires your loyalty and trust. If the timing is not right, one side or the other may move in directions that are less loyal and trustworthy. (And, “mid-life crisis” type personal changes can wreck certain relationships.)

Remember to take GOOD care of yourself. Because if your “light goes out” you run the risk of losing the attraction you have to your partner. It sometimes feels selfish to take care of yourself but this is essential to your own well-being, on many levels, and to your relationship. Continue your self exploration and growth. A healthy relationship can weather the storm your personal change and development may bring.

For many people in relationships good communication is hard work but necessary. Honesty with yourself and your partner, from the beginning, builds the best foundations for long term success.

Relationships can be the most stressful thing that you experience but they can also be the most rewarding. Ask most parents about their children. Without connection, shared love, and the deep bonding of relationships, most of us would not have the depth of purpose that create the most important lesson we have to learn from in this life.
Learn on….

If you require an assessment to learn more about your style or your values or your attitudes contact the Stress Education Center at to get the assessments and the coaching that can make you more successful. This can be used for personal relationships and is also very helpful with key teams and management groups.