Scratching the Surface

No, this is NOT about emotional or spiritual considerations of some very deep topic in philosophy… This is about scratches. You are a miracle! Your body does amazing things. You somehow, without really thinking about it, heal yourself. No matter which medical doctor wants to claim healing abilities, your body heals itself! It is not well explained or fully understood regarding how this happens but it does and is a part of our everyday activity. So, why am I addressing this topic. I am glad you, almost, asked. My current human life is past 70 years. Yesterday, I was woodworking in my son’s garage and I managed to cut my hand by rubbing across a sharp, protruding screw. Sure, we have all had these mishaps and injuries. Some are minor and some require more serious attention. Well, as I was bleeding, applying pressure, elevating my cut hand above my heart, my 4 year old grandson is asking me questions about how this happened and why I have my hand up in the air above my head. My son is scurrying around to gather the first aid kit and I am reviewing how stupid I am for cutting myself, how this slows down my building process, and whether this will affect my week’s activities.

My son bandages me up after applying antiseptic and also asks what happened but in a less innocent way. No matter how this happened, and I will say this was stupid and preventable, I get to focus upon the miracle of healing. In my family there is sympathy but not a massive amount when stupidity and relative low chances of being a life threatening event have occurred. Yes, you are remembering the times in your life when you have experienced something similar. That is the nature of sharing stories of life’s interesting moments. In all fairness, I did not bleed to death. So far, I have not lost a finger, or hand, or arm in my mishaps. And, I do have a topic for a new blog as I write taking a pause from my woodworking project. (Yes, more time to watch YouTube videos on “Finishing” a wood project.)

When an illness or injury causes you to slow down, there is an opportunity to reflect upon life and to possibly learn a lesson in the fragile nature of the human body and the stupidity of scheduling activities with the expectations that everything is going to run smoothly and on schedule. Yes, my project’s schedule is now altered as are many activities I assumed would be moving most smoothly this week. Every activity that requires the use of my hands now needs to be considered. Yes, even typing out blogs… Human bodies are resilient but fragile. Bodies feel pain and continue the process of both healing and aging. It makes you more “present” when you are slowed by illness or injury. Can you view this as a positive or do you like falling into “victim” or an angry status?

No matter what, learning empathy and appreciating the miracles of human healing are worth consideration at times like this. And, we are just scratching the surface of human miracles. Your body healing from injury or an illness is a Miracle. Your life continues and does not end except once at the end of your life. You can be “present” and participate in other amazing miracles and then… share your story. You can also choose to not be most fully conscious, take life for granted, and keep stumbling along your path. No matter how you want to pursue being most conscious, it matters not… Your challenges and learning will continue. You will conscious or unconsciously seek Spiritual Wisdom and find your unique way to stumble upon it.

Regardless, YOU are Perfect! YOU are Perfect! When you cut yourself, clean the wound, protect the wound, and allow the body to heal the wound. It is a Miracle!

Feeling Lost

Have you ever felt a bit empty and lost? Like you are unsure of your purpose and how to use your time and energy for the greatest good. It is not often an expectation which arises externally which has the most effect. When the “internal” questioning arises, for me, it feels most distracting. Thoughts surface like; Am I Enough? Can I Trust My Feelings/Intuition? Can I Be Doing More? This is not the first time, nor sadly will it be the last time, I grapple with a lack of focused direction and a satisfaction that my life is moving most purposely. There is no reason to believe that this conundrum is unique for me. In fact, this perplexing challenge is very common. But, how do I/you dig myself/yourself out of this sticky mess?

Consider what may add to this concern… I believe that: Thinking too much can be a problem. Lack of action and movement can increase this dilemma. Physical health and lower energy levels may add to this self questioning. Your personal expectations can get in the way. Expectations that you can control the uncontrollable and difficulty with “allowing” life to happen, adds to this predicament. Lower self esteem which is triggered by a reduced positive production and your personal expectations also cause, or at least contribute to, this circle of stagnation and reduced self-image. For me, tiredness and confusion from life’s stress can also send me into a level of doubt and self-questioning of my “purpose.”

AND, the search for purpose and “meaning” is an ongoing experience which continues to change as life rolls on its merry path. As I grow and change, I will renew my questioning from this new older perspective. It makes life an ever-changing test and an exciting new thrill ride on our Earthly plane. I would not like it to get boring or too predictable… SO, it doesn’t. Even a seemingly mundane life like Buddha’s life as a ferryman, was filled with new travelers and their personal stories (and questions regarding their lives with each one being unique). Again, for me, just the process of getting older is fraught with ever-changing nuances which offer new challenges to learn from and to adapt to. No one said life would be easy except in some fictional account of what life offers. You remember the fiction’s line, “And, they lived happily ever after.” The afterlife is happy but is misconstrued by this old line from storybooks and fictional man made movies. Our ever-changing life is the adventure we have come into this current life to have… (Yes, whether you are conscious of this or not, you came for the “Adventure Travel” experience into our 3 dimensional world with limitations that test our remembering of our deeper Divine Wisdoms.)

We, most of us, enjoy our roller coaster rides through our human lives. There is adventure, excitement, conflict, challenges, despair, survival, Joy in success, fear of failure, etc. The range of possible emotions and the seemingly unknowable nature of our path creates this exciting adventure travel experience. It is what we have come here for… And, if you are like me, you regularly cycle back into pondering the same questions. Am I on the “right” path? Am I of value? Am I following through on MY purpose? We ask these questions because we are human and have awareness. Our larger “sophisticated” brains allow us to question and bring up old memories of fears of future unknowns. We have been down the “wrong” path many times and seek to avoid making the same mistakes.
But, there are no mistakes. There are no failures but there are course corrections in your learning and your life’s path. Answers to all of those stated questions is always the same, “YES.” YOU ARE on the right path, of value, and following your purpose though possibly on a rather circuitous pathway.

Basically, our purpose never changes. However, the way we proceed to act out our lives, and manifest our purpose, can take many turns in the road. We have choices. We have different paths to follow in the maze of life. All the choices seem to have value as we test out wisdom and learnings through our filter of being human (with all the 3 dimensional limitations, we have.)
AND, you are never really Lost. Perhaps not fully conscious and distorted in not being able to see the forest from the trees…

Spoiler alert, Your Purpose…
To be Love. To share Unconditional Love by acting in Service!
Perhaps you think this is way too simple, but…
Too simple does not make this untrue…

With each life experience, we step along our path to find new perspective on what is possible and we test out our “learned” wisdom, or the wisdom we have “remembered” from our soul’s connection to the Divine. Each step is a lifetime of adventure if we see and know the fullest picture of the miracles our lives demonstrates.

And, to come full circle, my doubts regarding my purpose have evaporated with meditation, rest, and another circle turning of our miracle planet on its daily axis. (Honestly, for me writing these thoughts as an act of service to myself and anyone who stumbles upon this blog, allows me to feel I am following through on my current purpose…)

YOU are amazing! You are a Blessing!
Life is filled with Joy though you sometimes have to look deep into the darkness to find it…
You are on your own unique “Hero’s Journey,” discovering and then unravelling the mysteries of your life.
And, remember to look into each person’s eyes until you find the unique perfection of who they really are and what they can share with you from their acquired wisdom. (Even if this is what not to do…)

Oh yes, Do Not Forget… YOU are a Miracle! Thank you for being YOU!

In the Afternoon of My Life

Maybe it is the Late Afternoon of my life. Soon I will be entering the Eighth decade of my life. Quite frankly, I never thought I’d be around this long. It never occurred to me to consider this aging process and what my role as an elder is all about. For me, on the inside, I still consider myself to be young. At least younger than that stranger looking back at me in the mirror.

My friend, in his 50’s, Rodger, told me that “we are in the “afternoon” of our lives,” it caused me to pause and consider these words. Then, as if to correct himself he added, “Or, perhaps, we are are in the “late afternoon” of our lives…” to better include my current level of ancientness. And Yes, this did add entertainment to my consideration of this dilemma. Ok, when do you hit “evening” or late night TV of your life?

Question: Do I want to be old? NO! Do I want to act my age? NO! Do I want to even consider decrepitude? NO, NO, NO! Do I accept myself and the process of aging? With a struggle, Yes and, not really…

AND, what’s my role in this drama? I am a father. I am a grandfather. I am a brother, a lover, a friend, a mensch, a clown, a writer, a teacher, and a healer. And, I am so much more. None of these labels are adequate to define my role. I am a human living in privilege living in North America who occasionally struggles with cultural expectation of who I am and where I am “supposed” to be at this later stage of this life… (Societal expectations based on what culture suggests has never been my strong suit. I have always felt like I am “outsider” looking in and, with pride, in my oppositional opinions and actions…)

Do I care about the future? Well, yes, but differently than I expected. My youthful optimism is reduced, mostly due to waning energy levels. I have always been impatient with life, and still am… From my current perspective, I appreciate the miracles and blessings of life much differently, and with more reverence, than I did in earlier decades. Most of the time I view people, and our shared encounters, looking for the beauties and the good things rather than in negative judgement of an insecure younger me looking to pretend that I am better than… Translation: now, I look more often for a beauty or acknowledge a skill rather than looking to find a weakness or flaw in the people I interact with.

So what does it mean to be in the “late afternoon” of my current incarnation. The days seem to be getting a bit shorter. My energy is drawing inward. I am not cut off from my world but my view is less unbridled than in earlier times. Taking on larger, time and energy, consuming projects seems to be lowered in priority for me. I may not get to learning those new languages or learning to play new musical instruments, which I have put off for many decades. I may even shelve going to medical school which was a very high priority for me when I was 15 years old. Though, I will make time to view more Sunsets and perhaps to taste some good wines.

My life has been filled with Guidance and protection. There are still important challenges and missions for me. There are times when I feel like I am “winding down” and there are times when I rationalize that I am actually using my energies more efficiently. Either way, I proceed through this life with Wonderment and Beginner’s Mind when I choose to be most present. My request to you, as you have read this far, is find Joy and laughter every day of your life. Add the perspective that your life, all life, is a Miracle and you are blessed when you can share your experience with other pilgrims you meet along your way.

If circumstance appears and asks you if YOU want to return for another lifetime in a human form, you may say “No, I do not want to return.” For life is “hard” and full of drama and you may consider that “you” deserve a “rest.” I have considered this option and heard other people’s answers. The Dalai Lama when asked this question responded by saying that he “hopes” he can return and continue to be of service. He is highly evolved and perhaps he is “done” with human incarnations. If you do NOT want to return for more lives and experiences of service, then, almost certainly you WILL have to return for the challenges of additional incarnations… Worry not, for all incarnations are simultaneous and there is no linear time in the higher dimensions (from where we have come.) Just keep breathing and being present. Allow your meditations to offer you guidance…

AND, every day consider your purpose in your current incarnation. Looking deep into this circumstance, I feel certain that you will “know” that you are here to serve! Share your stories and the wisdom you have gained, or are struggling to gain. The people you bump into are both your students and your teachers. We all share life experience to support each other in developing our consciousness. and, we are all in this (life) together…

Dance like no one is watching! Live like this will be your very last day… No regrets, you are perfect and so accept those flaws and imperfections which make you unique…

You are a Miracle! Thank you for being you.

Thanks for your time and consideration. Your insights and experiences are unique and a blessing, so please share these…

If you are READY and looking for a supportive community where you can share your story, your wisdom, and grow spiritually in a non-religious environment, consider Masters of the Journey.
You are a Blessing! You are a Master! Your wisdom from your life experience can have great value to other pilgrims on the path toward awakening and enlightenment.

The Masters of the Journey has events which are updated on our Facebook page which is found at: www.facebook.com/mastersofthejourney Please comment on this blog and share, if appropriate. More of our blogs are based on spiritual consciousness and can be found at www.dstress.com/blog

Anxiety & Aging the Dilemma for Baby Boomers

I admit it. I am an aging Baby Boomer. I accept than I am aging and that I am not in my 20’s, nor 30’s, even my 40’s or 50’s. I am past 60 and more than beginning to show my age. Physically, I mean. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I am still a puppy BUT… If you are a Baby Boomer, you know where I am going with this.

My hair is not the same color as it was in my 20’s. Nor is there as much hair as there was in those photos of me with shoulder length locks and the full dark beard that I recently posted on Facebook. Believe it or not, I weigh more than I did when I was in my early 20s. In my early 50s, I took to wearing reading glasses and now my bifocals are my constant companion. Even my hearing has been impacted by the time, activities, and the years since my youth. My doctor reminds me that I need certain regular unspeakable tests as a more than I would want, course of my annual physicals. Though I manage my stress and anxiety fairly well through regular relaxation, meditation, and exercise, I find the anxiety of aging creeping closer to the surface. The situation is not unique just to me.

I don’t have the youthful energy that I once had nor the ability to focus and concentrate. It seems to take me longer to learn certain tasks and yet I do not want to give up on learning new things. I am not sure whether I am just frustrated by the aging process or whether there is some deeper levels of anxiety and fears that I or someone like me, may need to address. For most of my life, I have a pattern of being oppositional and not truly fitting in with the age that has been prescribed for me. I still feel youthful, excited, and passionate about life and yet I don’t seem to have quite as much energy. So as I struggle with the current reality I know that I am not alone and that there are many people who are dealing with the same situation and would like to find a forum for us all to work together and to support each other as we deal with the consequences of aging.

I do not claim to have a magic diet or exercise program that can eliminate the impact of aging. I would like to be able to offer a process where each of us can minimize the impact of the anxiety of aging. There are people who struggle a great deal more than me with the discovery of wrinkles, lack of skin tone, the widening of the waistline, the reduction of hair, or even the loss of key body parts like teeth. I have been blessed with a relatively healthy body and yet I still feel the effects of the aging process as I celebrate my mid-60s. This may not be true for everyone, but I do not wish to go back and be a teenager or someone in my 20s again. I simply wish that my body did not behave as if it were a large sack of stones that I must drag around at certain times.

For me a passive life of sitting still does not resonate. I like to be active and energized by new and exciting things. I like to tell my stories of times past when I hiked over mountain passes far above timberline and yet most days I do not feel I have the energy to trudge up those trails the way I did in my 20s and 30s and 40s. Truth be known, I can still do many of the things that I tell stories about but in this day and age I would do them more slowly and probably less gracefully. Again, I do not find my situation unique to me and I would like to be a voice for many of us baby boomers who can still not believe that the insidious aging process offers us “better days”.

Perhaps what is needed is a new perspective and a new way of looking at my now worn life. People tell me that I should focus on the positive like what I can do and what my body is able to perform. And yet there are times when any limitation makes me boil. I also admit that I am far from being a patient person. I’ve said for years that there will be a time later in life when I engage in accepting the process of being patient. I have not found that time in life as of yet. I’m not jealous of people who have their youth or of people who are in better shape than I, I am only envious of my memories of what I once took for granted and now find difficult if not impossible to do.

My ranting in this blog is designed to be a point of discussion. I would like to build a process where there can be physical control of fear and anxiety and the wherewithal to find greater emotional acceptance to live with the challenges that we all must face. From using the techniques that I have taught for 40 years in stress management and from sports psychology, I know that there are ways that we can minimize the impact of the aging process at least on our mind and our spirit. If you have an interest in developing your own skills for dealing with the aging process please contribute to this blog with comments and continue to follow your passion and be a role model for all of us.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Blessings to you and all of us baby boomers.

Anger and Death

At some point, most people who live past adolescence realize that they are not going to get out this life, alive. Death is a natural, and unavoidable, outcome of living. (As of 2014, this is a fact of life…) Some cultures and societies work at pretending that death is NOT inevitable and this denial is built into the structure of the culture. Americans seem to frown on death like it is weakness in life to give in to death. In this culture, youth is celebrated and old people should only participate in celebrations of holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. There would be more television programs about older people if the culture were not in such denial. Now, I am not saying that we should have another “reality TV” show about older people’s last days amongst the living but it has been a long time since programs like the “Golden Girls.”

But the point of this blog article is not about denial of death and dying. It is about the emotions people feel regarding the loss of family member or friend to the process of dying. In the past, people lived with or near their families and families cared for each other with process of “passing away” done at home surrounded by family. Families would embrace the transition and it was a “natural” process. It is often very different in present day families.

Image that you were a child of divorced, or unmarried parents. You have been estranged from your biological parent due to divorce, or substance abuse, or prison, or large geographical distances and you learn that your non-custodial biological parent is dying. You may already harbor anger and resentment toward this parent for not “being there” for you and now you cannot even “get even” emotionally for the neglect (real or imagined) because the object of you anger is now leaving you due to a terminal disease process. How do you deal with your anger and your ambivalence toward this parent? From professional experience, I know that people often turn this anger inward. Depression often manifests. Anxiety can surface. Adjustment disorders may become inflamed. It is natural to be depressed or anxious. Though this is a natural response it remains often elusive as to how to deal with these strong emotions in “positive” ways.

Some cultures and religions suggest that you experience the loss of a significant person to better learn “your” lessons of this life. The perspective of surviving this loss can make you stronger. Everyone deals with loss differently. Some people want to escape their pain and avoid this strong emotion by getting involved with substance abuse. Some people use other behaviors to avoid their pain like playing too many video games, engaging in unsafe sexual experiences, or possibly other dangerous, but distracting, behaviors. A healthier way of responding to this difficult experience might be to get professional support or support from “healthy” family or friends. This might involve discussing the anger or the sadness in appropriate ways. It might involve discussing the loss and the void left when the person passes. It might include discussing the unfinished business. It might include discussing life beyond and how to consider filling “the void.”

Children or poorly articulate adults have serious challenges communicating their pain, anger, frustration, upset, and loss. They require assistance in a safe, “non-judgemental” relationship. They need to be told that their feelings are not un-natural or bad. They need to be counseled on how to express this emotion in safe and appropriate ways. They often need to be supported with positive alternatives forms of expression and positive choices to move forward in their lives. Often they have been “cheated” from the experience of telling their estranged parent or significant person the anger or pain they feel about their disappointing relationship. Alternative forms of communicating their feelings should be explored such as painting, drawing, writing, photography, or forms of sculpture.

It is hard to deal with the loss of a loved one (or significant other.) It is difficult to communicate your pain and ambivalence. Some people, especially children, need more assistance and support, from healthy, non-judgemental adults. I am sorry for your trauma and your loss. I can feel your pain. I have experienced this pain, myself, and it is not easy. Please take good care of yourself.