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10 Tips for Stress Management

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These tips are at the core of my 1 day stress management program. Contact me if you have any questions regarding stress reduction coaching through the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com

Tip #1 Take 40 Deep Slow Diaphragmatic Breaths Each Day (Spread evenly throughout your day not all at once at the end of the day or you might hyperventilate. Try for one every 20 minutes.) You can benefit from associating the deep breaths with some common work occurrence such as the telephone ringing or clock watching. Try this! Though very simple to do, it is a very powerful stress management strategy.

Tip #2 Use Regular Relaxation Periods for Work Breaks. Try fifteen to twenty minute periods of (hopefully) undisturbed time away from phone and/or family. Commit to using this for four to six weeks to begin to see the benefits. If you would like some guidance in developing your stress management skills consider finding an appropriate audio program that is targeted for your specific interest. You will be surprised to find that this will save you time and energy. You will get more done in less time if you are not distracted by internalized stress. Autogenic Training Phrases, Progressive Relaxations, Meditations, or Visualization/Imagery relaxations are recommended. Find the one that works best for you.

Tip #3 Get Regular Exercise. Aerobic activities such as walking, jogging, swimming, biking, etc. for 20 minutes 3 times per week is minimum. Recommended is 30 minutes or more, 4-6 times per week. But do not hurt yourself!

Tip #4 Eat Sensibly. Avoid Caffeine. Do Not Cope With Stress by Using Alcohol or Drugs. If you are stressed out, caffeine is like throwing gasoline on a fire to put it out! The secret is moderation and common-sense.

Tip #5 Get Focused on New Directions and Regular Planning. Give yourself positive options if you feel trapped. Plan for growth in all aspects of your life; not just work and finance (family/relationships, spiritual interests, creativity, vacations, hobbies, etc).

Tip #6 Use and Develop Your Humor! Positive Attitudes Really Help! Difficulties, when viewed as opportunities for growth and proving your abilities, are less harmful. Do not bury your anger, fear or sadness.

Tip #7 Protect Yourself From Negative Co-Workers and Relationships! Do not get caught up in other people negative thinking or let them rip off your peace of mind and positive energy. Take good care of yourself!!

Tip #8 Get Back In Control! If you cannot control all the people and situations that happen around you…. at least you can control the way you respond! Being “out of control” is one of the main sensations that indicate that the stress in your life is a problem.

Tip #9 Give Sincere Compliments Freely and Smile! Be positive and let it shine on all that surround you. It will come back many times more.

Tip #10 Learn to Really Listen! It is the best communication technique that you can develop!

More coaching and tips are available at www.dstress.com

Reasons for Corporate Executive Coaching

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1. To enhance performance, increase productivity and profits, and career Development:
Accountability partnerships

2. Protect company’s assets from potential legal challenges.
Behavioral corrections: harassment, anger management, conflict management, and “last chance” support for poor performance.

3. Management Team team building: Enhancing communication, EQ, team productivity, OD

4. Retention of Key Personnel (and Loyalty): Incentive Bonus Package, Benchmarking top performers and learning what motivates your key people (to keep them satisfied and productive.) Creating an “Attraction Package” for hiring success (use Benchmarking for selection process.)

5. Honoring organization’s Mission Statement of support for executives, leaders, and managers. Offering “Continuous Life Long Learning” investment, skill development or enhancement (leadership and managing,) and career management (perk.)

Costs of Executive Coaching should be more than offset by increased productivity, reduced turnover, and risk containment.

Areas of Experience with Executive and Management Team Coaching:
• Skills for Productivity and Performance Enhancement – Accountability
• Leadership Development for Executives & Managers
• Communication Development for Executives & Managers
• Sales Skills Development and Accountability
• Meeting Management
• Time Management
• Goal Setting and OD Planning
• Work/Life Balance
• Stress Management – Reducing Stress Related Health Challenges
• Customer Service
• Anger Management and Mitigating Harassment
• Manager/Supervisor Skill Development
• Team Building Skills for Managers
• Motivation Skills for Managers
• Presentation Skills Development
• Career Management
• Leading Change
• Conflict Management
• Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
• Negotiation
• Assessments, Benchmarking Success, 360 Degree Feedback, EQ

Visit the Stress Education Center http://www.dstress.com for more information regarding Executive Coaching. Or Call the Stress Education Center at (360) 593-3833.

Sleep Better Now !

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18% of American adults complain to their doctors that they are tired and can not get enough “quality” sleep. Over 50% of the population has occasional problems: getting to sleep, staying asleep, or feeling rested upon awakening. Sleep medication is a best selling product. Tired workers make mistakes, get injured, and have accidents. We have a tired, maybe “sleepy” population. There are some simple but powerful things that you can do to minimize insomnia in your life.

Here is a great technique which is very relaxing. Especially useful if you have difficulty getting to sleep or you awaken during the night.

50 to 1 Countdown

As the name implies you count backward from 50 down to 1. The difference is that you count “1,2,3” between every number. So the counting goes: 50, 1,2,3, 49, 1,2,3, 48, 1,2,3, 47, 1,2,3, 46, 1,2,3,…… etc.
Your mind will be busy with these numbers and then get bored with the counting so that it will go to sleep (or back to sleep.) With an even pace this takes about 3 minutes to get down to 1, if you get that far. Some people can get to 1, but the second time through this counting they usually drift off.

This breathing/counting technique can be combined with a few simple changes that will compliment to effectiveness of this exercise.

• 1. Reduce, or better still, eliminate caffeine, even that one cup in the mourning. Many people are sensitive to caffeine, even a small amount. De-caf is an alternative.
• 2. Regular exercise will help, but not just before bedtime. Give it at least an hour, better 2, before bed.
• 3. Do not eat a big meal with 2 hours of bedtime, because this can get in the way of good sleep.
• 4. If all else fails, consider getting, and using, a guided relaxation on CD to help you to relax and to fall asleep. You will also benefit from a better quality of sleep.Try this. It can really work well for you.Please take good care of yourself.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training. www.dstress.com

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website for articles, free ezine signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Coping with Grief and Loss – a Process

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We all suffer from loss in our lives. Sometimes the loss relates to transitions through life that are normal and expected states of growth and development such as moving from childhood, through the teenage years, and then into the adult responsibilities that confront most people. Though this is a difficult transition, we must all face this if we live past our 18th birthday. There are more serious or traumatic losses that many of us encounter such as the death of close family member or friend, the loss of health due to accident or illness, the loss of an important relationship, or possibly the loss experienced with a career change or loss of a job. These are difficult times and hard lessons to experience in the course of life. These losses, though potentially painful, can be times of learning and personal growth. Many of these transitions can be less distracting and with a greater potential for learning if you have a positive support network. Here is the dilemma. Most people do not have a network of healthy, positive supporters to allow for movement through difficult transitions with grace and healing perspectives.

We can learn from our painful transitions and losses. We can wade through these changes more gracefully, and possibly with less discomfort, if we have the best team of support surrounding us. Some people look for professional counselors or coaches, or perhaps clergy to help with difficult transitions. Some of us have personal mentors who can be trusted and who have the necessary communication skills to assist in times of need. Some of us have healthy relationships, friends or family who can help without too much of their own “baggage.” Many people do not have enough access to the positive supporters who can help us through the grief that life throws at us.

There are many books and potential sources of information which help us to understand the process of dealing with loss and grief but for most people reading about the grief process is not enough. We need to be supported by a personalized experience that we can gather around us as we muddle our way through our emotional and spiritual pains of loss. We need to be “touched” by the proper support in many ways. We need to be allowed our grief and yet “called on it” when we have gone past the limit and start the “wallowing process.” We need to find the exact, personalized process to assist in managing the stress, anxiety, pain, confusion, and the “emptiness” of replacing the part of ourselves which has been lost with the more experienced and empowered person who has survived a major change/loss/growth…

Each of us need to find the best way to learn our lesson and then to move on into our new, restructured life. We need to learn the best way to take care of ourselves, benefit from the lessons, and then discover the most appropriate directions to move our new life. To do this, we need to find people we can trust and invest the resources into the process of self-care and self-development so we can move down the path that leads to our goals. This is easier said than done, but if you realize that you would survive this transition more easily and possibly more quickly with positive assistance then you must do the work and find the correct support you require.

In the future, we will be expanding and releasing information regarding a new program which can assist most people in developing an individualized transition plan. We are beginning to build a process for creating a positive support network which will enable participants to discover their strengths, accept their weakness or flaws, and to free up energy to invest for moving toward positive goals and enhanced lifestyles. The working title for this process is “Finding Your Tone.”

Please comment or send questions to the Stress Education Center at wellness@dstress.com or visit the website at www.dstress.com.

Basking in the Brilliance of Spirit

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What feeds your spirit? What activities connect you with your spirit? How often do you seek to develop your spiritual nature? When we speak of “spirit” or spiritual development in this article, we are not speaking about learning religious philosophy or in practicing religious rituals. Instead, we are speaking of the deeper connections with the brilliance of love and light that comes from deep within every living being. In doing so, there is no exclusion of spirit due to different philosophical or religious beliefs or attitudes. There are no qualifications or exclusions from connecting with spirit. One of the main understandings regarding this celebration of spirit is that “we are all at one” with all other living creatures. We are all “connected.”
Time and space (place) are less of a division in the world of spirit. Spirit may be more a feeling rather than a thought. For people who have been able to bring these feelings back from a spiritual experience often describe a feeling of “oneness” or a sense of deep connection. There may also be a feeling of “unconditional love” which can also be described in some religions as a feeling of connection with the religion’s God, but not necessarily with all the morale or cultural beliefs.

People will visit a glorious natural environment and feel the power of connection with natural beauty that has the power to create calmness and sometimes healing. When learning to connect with your spirit it is good to be reminded that you can get there more easily if you “Quiet your mind” and control your expectations. (Neither of these is easy to do when getting started but can come more easily with practice.) It is important to be “still” and to let “it” come to you. Chasing the spirit can make it more difficult to do. A final reminder: Be Open… You may not experience the process in the way you think you might need, but actually get the experience that you will best learn from…. If, you are open to it.

I am reminded of a time when I was in a late afternoon meditation on a cliff that over looked the waves churning unto a beach in Sonoma County, CA. With my mind reaching to be in “neutral” (no extra thoughts), I found myself listening to a dialogue in my head. One voice seemed to come from the perspective of a “guide” in the form of a seagull who was describing the birth of the winds as a power to consider. The “Voice” suggested that the winds were created by the difference in temperatures of the ocean and the land. As the land heated up and warmed the air over it, the air would rise and the cooler air over the ocean would rush in to fill this void, so creating a breeze. Waves are generated by the movements of the wind and their force is respected for the great power that this force of nature manifests. The Voice asked me to consider harnessing the power of the winds as seagulls do as they soar, almost effortlessly, by using the currents of wind. A part of me listened to the dialogue with fascination. Another part of my mind was asking where this Voice was coming from and where the information of this Voice was coming from. I considered the experience as a connection with the “collective unconscious” described by many famous psychologist and philosophers. I felt blessed to be allowed to share in this mind expanding experience.

Another late afternoon meditation created a powerful but not uncommon learning experience. In my visualization, I imagined that I was sitting by a river with my back against a tree. I pictured myself meditating and seeing the transformation of the river in front of me into the “River of Life.” It was golden in color. It flowed from my right side to my left, slowly and evenly. I “knew” that the waters would eventually empty into the sea. Each golden molecule of water represented a living soul. The molecules of water would evaporate from the sea to form golden clouds which would lead to a golden rain high up in the mountains. The molecules would join other molecules to form small streams flowing downhill to join larger rivers until the “cycle of life” would be repeated by following the path of the golden river of life back to the sea, once again. I saw myself as a molecule of water swirling downstream occasionally being caught in an eddy and swirling in circles to learn my lessons. Most importantly, I felt myself “connected” to all other living things in this river of life. I knew that I was never alone or separate from other living beings as we struggle to improve and move forward with our lessons of life. Though this meditation happened for me 40 years ago, I remember it and I feel it as if it was happening right now… This type of connection with the oneness of consciousness is far from unique. It has happened before and will happen again in some form or another for people who are open to this transformative experience/lesson.

Please consider taking time to connect with your spirit and celebrating the learning that you can achieve. It will change your life.

For life balance and stress management, it is important to maintain your ideal state of mind, body, and spirit. Too focused attention on any one area, over the others, may provide an imbalance that will not allow the best quality of life. Please take good care of yourself.

Please comment on this blog if you are so moved. Share this blog if you find value, thank you.

Caregivers and Stress

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There are no easy answers. You love or care for another person and there is no way that you can “fix” the person. They may be sick or hurt or in some sort of difficult situation and no matter what you do, you can not make the “challenge” go away. You are, by some definition, a “victim.” You have “no control” over what happens or how your person of concern is going to respond to their situation. Sometimes you have to “just sit on your hands” while the situation “plays out.” I do not like being in this situation. I want to be actively doing something to help, or at least running around trying to get the healing energies flowing, but this does not always prove useful or may not have any degree of success in changing the situation.

Parents feel this way about their children as they put their kids out into the world to live and to learn the lessons of life. People feel this way when their aging parents begin to fail. Spouses will often feel this kind of helplessness when their partner has been impacted by a severe health or financial challenge. Indeed, most of us who have made it into adolescence have experienced relationships that can evoke this feeling of concern without the power or control to save, or at least help, our friend, family member, schoolmate, or co-worker. People are “caring creatures” much of the time. Our need to nurture and care are “higher functioning” activities that often set us apart from other creatures on our planet. But, though we are often born with this desire to nurture, we are not taught how to deal with stress or anxiety of caring for another person (or pet) when we can not really fix the situation.

Caring without having control can cause anxiety and can lead to depression. In my own life, as a caregiver for my wife, I have experienced the closeness that caring can bring to a relationship and yet the stress and depression that can come from a situation that does not come to a positive resolution, is very difficult to live with. As I have advised others, I practice stress and anxiety management. I get regular exercise. I try to eat in a “healthy” way. I maintain friendships that are positive and therapeutic. I keep busy and productive. BUT, I have those moments when I lie awake, with a mind that will not stop its endless chatter, filling me with worry and concern for my beloved partner. There is not much else I can do but worry, but worry is not helpful.

There are times when my consciousness will drift into a place of spiritual insight and feel the power of these lessons. Though my heart is heavy and my mind races with anxious thoughts, deep inside I touch the source of some unclear wisdom regarding the “point” and the lesson that I am struggling to learn. My only thought for you, if you find yourself in this predicament, is to calm yourself as much as possible (not an easy request) and then go deep within to bask in the light of unconditional love. Find and celebrate the lesson. In this case remember that you can not “push the river.” Sometimes we must just find the feeling and the wisdom of acceptance.

And, do not forget your need for self-care to help sustain you through this difficult lesson. Also, celebrate every moment. Try not to live in the past or in the future. As is said, “Be Here Now!”

Please take GOOD care of yourself!

Are Relationships Stressful?

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Most relationships require time and attention and this can prove stressful. For relationships to work, they require maintenance and energy. If these are in short supply then you can experience stress. The very nature of forming a good and healthy relationship is different for every person and every relationship. A secret that many people have to learn is about timing. An attractive relationship will not get off the ground unless the timing of attraction is good. As an example, think about any relationship you have pursued. If it worked out, both sides were available and ready. This is good timing. If only one side of the attraction is available, it can be very difficult, if not impossible, for it to work out.

Relationships have a wide range of possibilities. They can be romantic relationships or friendship relationships or business relationships or therapeutic relationships or possibly all of these. Most people require relationships at some point in their lives. Many people are raised without positive role models of healthy relationships and no matter how many TV shows or movies, or even books you read, you may not come across good relationship examples. Sometimes you have to use trial and error to figure this out and it is greatly complicated by the complex personalities of the people we attempt to have relationships with. By the way, relationships continue to evolve and change as the participants learn and grow. Your strong, but flexible, motivation may be a useful tool in maintaining relationships.

Some people are very traditional and have very strong inflexible values. Unless they hook up with the “right” situation in the first place, their relationship may prove difficult or fall apart over time. So knowing about yourself and your values can be a great start to developing stronger relationships. Controlling your expectations of changing your partner is a very useful consideration. If you do not like (and accept) the person in front of you but you see “real potential” then you may be doomed to the pain of watching their “unfilled potential” as they veer in a different than expected direction. “Expectations screw things up!” It is good to have a list of important qualities that you are seeking in a potential relationship before you begin to pursue the challenge of finding and then developing a relationship, especially if this is an important relationship for you. Ask yourself what you really need and do not accept less. What you want, may offer some flexibility.

A lasting relationship requires your loyalty and trust. If the timing is not right, one side or the other may move in directions that are less loyal and trustworthy. (And, “mid-life crisis” type personal changes can wreck certain relationships.)

Remember to take GOOD care of yourself. Because if your “light goes out” you run the risk of losing the attraction you have to your partner. It sometimes feels selfish to take care of yourself but this is essential to your own well-being, on many levels, and to your relationship. Continue your self exploration and growth. A healthy relationship can weather the storm your personal change and development may bring.

For many people in relationships good communication is hard work but necessary. Honesty with yourself and your partner, from the beginning, builds the best foundations for long term success.

Relationships can be the most stressful thing that you experience but they can also be the most rewarding. Ask most parents about their children. Without connection, shared love, and the deep bonding of relationships, most of us would not have the depth of purpose that create the most important lesson we have to learn from in this life.
Learn on….

If you require an assessment to learn more about your style or your values or your attitudes contact the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com to get the assessments and the coaching that can make you more successful. This can be used for personal relationships and is also very helpful with key teams and management groups.

7 Steps to Prosperity and Wealth

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3 P’s (Productivity, Performance, and Prosperity) Process: Life Prosperity Program

What is prosperity and wealth to you? If you are willing to work and you can find the correct vehicle to create financial success, then here are the seven steps to attain your goal.

I qualified the offer because this is not a get rich quick scheme or a win the “Lottery” fantasy come-true article. It requires that you have a desire to work for the success that you deserve. Sometimes a key to success is to find the business or service that you are most passionate about and a way of presenting this to potential consumers. There are other articles and coaching that can lead you to the discovery of the best financial endeavor for you…

The 7 Steps are:
1. Set Your Goal
2. Overcome your barriers to success… Take Responsibility!
3. Create your plan… Map your path
4. Visualize your Success (and Create Affirmations that lead to your Goal)
5. Work Your Plan… Dedicate some time and energy to Achieving your dream
6. Let Go of Expectations that will Prevent your Success
7. Show Gratitude for your life and Success and find a Positive way to give “Back”

Are you ready to get to work? This will be your basic outline of the steps you need to move to success.

1. Set Your Goal
Think Big! What do want to achieve? How do want to be living? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? How much money do you want? How soon do you want it? Can your business endeavor allow you to reach these goals? For example, if you are working part time at WalMart can you expect to acquire $3 Million Dollars by Christmas? Probably not! You will need to find and develop another financial vehicle to get you to your dream, and to do this by the upcoming Christmas Season may be a challenging time frame.

Without a solid, articulated and specific goal, you can not get in the game. Many people require assistance with this first step. There are small business support organizations and business mentors from an organization known as SCORE (look for score.org to find a local office in the United States.) Do not let them steal your dreams, but get advice regarding how your business might start or how to enhance your venture’s operations. They can even help you develop funding after you create a solid business plan. (Do not be afraid to ask for help or, at least, feedback from people who know business These people will be your Role Models or Mentors, or Coaches or possibly your partners…)

Do not skip through the first step! You will need to establish a Goal to set your sights on. The more specific you can make this, the better, and faster, you will get your best results.

2. Overcome your barriers to success… Take Responsibility!
If you have never been financially successful before…. WHY? You would really benefit from knowing why. What are your limitations? What have you learned from the past? How can you accept responsibility for any obstacles that you have encountered in past endeavors? You may even have to ask the hard questions about why you needed to “attract” the past lack of success. If you look to blame external sources, you may be missing an opportunity to learn how to control these situations in future situations. Taking Responsibility is difficult for the people who need this the most. It is too easy to quit when you can find a reason or excuse that is beyond your control… I repeat, this is easier said than done, so be prepared to reach out for assistance overcoming limitations and barriers.

For many people, their fear of success or distrust of money (or wealth) can be major barriers to achieving success. Do not become a victim to past programming or childhood experiences. You are ready for success and you deserve the benefits of financial security and wealth. Do not give in to negativity or bad habits. It is time to behave like a winner! This is a challenging, but important, step that often requires personalized attention.

3. Create your plan… Map your path
You need a “road map” that will take you to your goal. You need to break down the small steps that will lead you down the pathway to your success. Some people forget these details. They might act too quickly and fail without a good, thoughtful plan. Some people over plan and do not act. You need to find the balance. Create a workable time frame. Get the resources you will require to execute your plan.

Reward yourself for each small achievement. Celebrate the steps that you take on the path to your success. If you are moving toward your first $1 Million dollars, you should celebrate your first $100, then your first $500, and your first $1000, etc. I did not say go out spend all your profits, but you need to acknowledge the victories along the way. Let these help to build your momentum.

Also, remember that along your path, you may find alternatives or additional sources of revenue that will get you to your goals more quickly. Be open to these and be flexible.

4. Visualize your Success (and Create Affirmations that lead to your Goal)
After you have created your plan, then you must visualize this plan succeeding, not in the future, but as if it were happening NOW!. It is best to visualize, or see, success coming to you. Also, FEEL the success. Feel all of the excitement and joy. Bask in these great feelings as you desire the success, again, as if it were already occurring. HEAR the sounds of success. What would this victory sound like to you?

There are skills that you can learn and use for creating positive affirmations. You repeat these several times throughout your day. The affirmations are the positive advertising that you need to develop the unconscious habit patterns that will lead to your success. Powerful affirmations that are in the present, positive, and emotional will work the best for achieving your goals. Build a “Vision Board” with pictures of your desired lifestyle and post this where you will view it daily.

5. Work Your Plan… Dedicate some time and energy to Achieving your dream
You have to get out there and work your plan. Talk to everyone. Network. Market. Sell! Produce your product or service… Demonstrate your passion, skill, and enthusiasm. Do not miss an opportunity to share your dream and visualize your success. When you are exercising, visualize your plan and its success. Before bed and right after waking, say your affirmations. Make your calls. Send your letters or e-mails. Learn about the things that you can do to better market yourself and your product. Learn about additional successful strategies that you see your successful role-models using.

Habits can be difficult to change. We do not like change, most of the time, but we have to gradually allow ourselves to push through to new habits of success. It can take time, so DO NOT GIVE UP! Getting discouraged and quitting is all too common for many of us. People like to work very hard and then succeed though hard work does not guarantee success. However, you may be surprised how easily your success will manifest when using these 7 steps.

6. Let Go of Expectations that will Prevent your Success
The harder you TRY, the more challenging success can get. Have you ever NEEDED a job or NEEDED a relationship? Did it seem like the more you needed or wanted your desired outcome the more obstacles seemed to appear? The more you push, the less success you get. You must learn to have powerful visualizations but less “Attachment” to the outcome. Be pleasantly surprised and try to drop your expectations. Expectations screw things up! Learning to “Let GO” physically, then emotionally, and then spiritually, will serve you well, but again, is easier said than done. Our Ego gets in the way and does not allow the success to flow freely to us. Our Ego wants to push and to “Own” the success. When our dream arrives or our goal is achieved, it will be more a “gift” from the universe… A gift you must celebrate… A gift that you deserve!

7. Show Gratitude for your life and Success and find a Positive way to give “Back”
Be grateful for all the blessings you have, no matter how small. Appreciate the assistance and guidance that you get along the way. Celebrate and share your prosperity by assisting others. This does not mean giving all your money, or all your time, or all your resources away, but be willing to support and honor, with respect, any and all travelers you meet along the way. We are all in this together, on some level, and we must be willing to “give back” in some way…

Mentoring others can be a great networking opportunity and a way of giving support.

These 7 steps work best when you get them tailored to your specific requirements. You may need to find mentors or coaches to assist you developing and executing your plan. You may require an accountability partner (or coach) to help keep you focused. You may want to develop a supportive Master Mind group that will assist you in moving toward your success. Very few of us can make it through all of these steps alone, so consider the assistance that you require to clarify these steps and then to help you to maintain your focus as you move down your path toward your goal.

Celebrate your Productivity, your Performance, and your Prosperity.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training. His new “Life Prosperity” retreat process guides his clients to personalized success strategies that lead to increased productivity and prosperity.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at Stress, Stress Management, Coaching, and Training for articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833.

Social Skills: Are They Necessary?

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Social skills: are they necessary to get along in the society?

Are social skills really necessary in present-day society? Has the use of technology reduced our ability to function socially and to communicate effectively? How do you develop good social skills and use them most effectively?

I am sure that you have experienced people in this world who seem to lack even the most basic of social skills. They are socially awkward and they are lacking in interpersonal communication skills. There are many people in this world who march through the world as if they are the “bull in the china shop,” he socially. These people do not seem to recognize that other people exist and must function in the same world, or in the same space, as they do.

In social relationships, these people may seem awkward and difficult to communicate with. They may seem insensitive and sometimes disruptive. They do not seem to understand basic social interactions and so they seem to blunder through social experiences in often entertaining ways. (It is entertaining only if you have the right attitude and can identify the shortcomings of these people. When you are not in the right mood, these behaviors may be very irritating and annoying. And the sad thing is, that these people do not even realize that they have been annoying or that their behaviors have been lacking in good social skill.

In business, the lack of interpersonal social skills can be a real detriment to success and to long-term positive business relationships. There are many job descriptions where the lack of social skills is more accepted and perhaps even valued, however, it can create very difficult and awkward in situations in the higher functioning business activities. In social and business situations, you are often, but not always, given one chance to make a good impression and can be forgiven for a single social faux pas. Repeated social awkwardness can label you as unworthy for long-term business relationships. Depending on the business situation, there are behaviors, vocabulary, dress codes, and presentation skills that can either support or deter business relationships. If you do not know the appropriate behaviors, your blunders may really get in your way.

But where do you learn good social skills that can help you in interpersonal relationships and business situations? Many children, very early in their lives, learn by watching and interacting with the people in their lives. If their parents do not have social skills or if they are left too long with their young peers, they may find it difficult to get along in school, business, and interpersonal relationships. It can often be embarrassing and from this embarrassment a person can either choose the path towards greater self-awareness and development of social skills or they can continue to isolate themselves. All of us have had our socially awkward moments, but most of us who have gained success, have learned from our mistakes or awkwardness and have developed better interpersonal skills and effective ways of communicating and leading other people. There are even some leadership programs such as Toastmasters where people can develop better communication and leadership abilities. People who refuse to develop these skills can still be successful but may have a more difficult path to follow.

With the use of technologies, more young people do not have face-to-face contact and the opportunities to develop good verbal and nonverbal communication skills. This may cause social awkwardness in school, in business, and in developing important interpersonal relationships. Sometimes we have to quit text messaging and actually sit eyeball to eyeball with another person to learn the skills of both verbal and nonverbal communication. An important consideration is that we learn to trust our gut feelings in social situations and learn to read the people that we are interacting with. Again, there can be many times when we make mistakes and come across as “communication challenged.” We must learn from these important experiences.

Sometimes we need to find a mentor or a coach who can help us develop our own personal insights, awareness, and interpersonal skills. Since these skills are not always taught in school, even in college, we must honor the importance of these experiences and abilities and pursue them to be able to achieve our highest levels of success. I challenge you to find the best situations and mentors so that you can develop these social skills and find the success that you deserve. (Organizations like Toastmasters may be a good place to start.)

Please send any comments or questions to the Stress Education Center regarding these blogs. Please take good care of yourself.

6 Keys to Sales Success & Personal Prosperity

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Sales Prosperity – Success Tips
Including Tips for Sales Managers

#1 Know Your Strengths and Challenges

If you want to more productive and prosperous in your sales activities, you must begin by knowing where you are strong and where you have challenges. You will not benefit from “sticking your head in the sand.” By knowing and understanding what you do well and what requires more attention, you can improve your productivity. There are several ways to gather this information.

Assessments which are specific for determining skill levels in the sales process can be very helpful. This works especially well when we can “benchmark” the top performers in your organization, so you can compare your skills with the most effective sales personnel. Assessments which measure your behaviors and motivations can also be powerful tools to better understand your unique skills and motivators. These behavioral assessments will also tell you about your style of communication and can assist you in learning how to be more effective in communications with your clients. Interviews with clients and people who know you and your work can also be useful for this assessment process.

#2 Know Your Product

Any good sales people know that product knowledge and understanding your “USP” (unique selling proposition) is essential for setting you and your product in the best possible light thus enhancing the sales process. New sales personnel do not always have to be “experts” but they do need to know the strengths of their product and how it might compare with major competition. Developing relationships and getting the information you may not be able to answer to your clients questions becomes essential when you are new or are developing new relationships.

#3 Know Your Customer

Understanding your customer, in general, is important. Understanding your customer, in specifics, can be the difference in the sales process. You can not be lazy or make assumptions to have long term success. A tailored proposal based on your client’s specific requirements is necessary to close the deal, so do your homework. If you do not know THEIR “hot buttons” then they will not pay attention to you or buy your product or service!

Knowing the attitude and style of specific customers will be very useful when you put your presentation together. For example, your client may be a “detail” person, or perhaps a “cutting edge” person. Your sales pitch will vary to best connect with the unique character of your client. You can be coached in how to be the most effective in building your targeted presentations.

#4 Know How to Communicate Benefits to Your Customer, Effectively!

Understanding your client is essential. Knowing how to best communicate your “USP” in ways that solve your clients’ challenges will help you to most successful. So, knowing your product’s benefits, and your clients requirements, packaged for the unique communication style of your client will lead to sales. This is easier said than done, but can be learned and then practiced for the greatest levels of success.

#5 Know How to Focus and How to Follow-up

Understanding the sales process and setting goals is important. Perhaps even more important to sales success is knowing how to stay focused and releasing the distractions which can get in the way of your positive efforts and waste your precious time. Focus is a skill that can be coached and developed. If you have time to waste then this skill is not as important, but most successful people are very busy and need to be able to keep themselves clear and focused on their goals.

Appropriate follow up with clients provides the experience of professionalism, respect, and customer service that helps to build long term successful relationships. Great follow up will also lead to referrals and testimonials that will generate future business. Over performing in your follow up activities will be seen as exceptional service and this leads to greater productivity and prosperity.

#6 Know How to Prepare Yourself for Prosperity and Success

Wanting to be rich and successful is not enough to create this higher level of success. Preparing yourself for achieving your goals requires time, effort, and often feedback. Attracting success and prosperity has become a recognized part of the sales process for the most successful sales performers. You can read books on this topic or go to trainings. If you wish to take the quickest path to prosperity and to overcoming any personal blocks to success, you may want to consider getting coaching that is designed for your specific requirements. Everyone wants to be successful. Not everyone knows how to get there with some extra support from an accountability partner. (It can cost you some money to be successfully coached, but it can also pay major dividends to have this additional support.)

Sales Success Tips for Sales Executives-Managers-Owners

Do you want to get the most out of your sales force? Would increased productivity help your organization’s bottom-line?

Benchmarking your best producers is very useful. Knowing their skills, their motivations, and their behaviors will help you to avoid wasting time and money when filling your critical sales positions. Understanding your weakest performers can offer you the information you need to develop these low performers or to avoid hiring them for your unique sales situation. With your best sales performers benchmarked, you will be able to develop the most effective training programs to increase productivity in all your sales team. Each organization is unique so do not get outside consulting or training that does not fit for the specific requirements that you have.

Would you like to pay coaches or trainers based on your teams success and not on a flat fee basis? If a trainer or coach could help you or your sales team increase sales by 20% would you be willing to pay a 2% of this increase or 10% of your increased profit for this service? This is similar to a 10% “finders fee” for a productive referral. Besides benchmarking, your success may require coaching and training for your sales team. Consider a lower cost coaching/training model with an incentive driven compensation system. In some situations, I will coach sales teams and get paid a percentage of the increased sales business. For this to work, we need to do an assessment of your sales staff, research the market, and better understand the unique selling features of your product or service. If we can both profit from this sales development program, then we can discuss the percentage of compensation and the time lines for compensation. There are some fees for the assessment process which cover the costs of research and for program development.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the country’s leading stress management expert and the author of the best selling “Guide to Stress Reduction.” Since 1977, he has offered Success & Executive Coaching and Training. His experience in guiding sales teams and individuals has succeeded in increasing profits and productivity. If you want to be more successful, call Dr. Mason for a proposal.

Please visit the Stress Education Center’s website at http://www.dstress.com for Stress, Sales Management, Coaching, and Training for other articles, free newsletter signup, and learn about the new telecourses that are available. If you would like information or a targeted proposal for training or coaching, please contact us at (360) 593-3833. www.dstress.com

If you are looking to promote your training or coaching career, please investigate the http://www.dstress.com for Professional Stress Management Training and Certification Program for a secondary source of income or as career path.