Category Archives: awareness

Would You Be More Successful if Your Were Authentic?

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What is “Authentic,” “Genuine,” and “Real”?

Would knowing who you really are allow you to be happier and to make better choices in your life?
When we are talking about people and how they comport themselves in the world, I have wondered whether many people would pass the test of being “authentic, genuine, and real?” Now that I have posed that question, I also wonder whether people really care about how they behave as they choose to live their lives. For me, the search for answers begins with finding the definitions of these words based on internet dictionaries… (Most relevant to this article are definitions which are emboldened and underlined.)

Please work your way through these definitions and the article will continue on the other side…

Definition of AUTHENTIC Webster’s
3. not false or imitation : real, actual
5. true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character

Or au·then·tic adjective
1. not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.
2. having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence; authenticated; verified: an authentic document of the Middle Ages; an authentic work of the old master.
3. entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy: an authentic report on poverty in Africa

Definition of GENUINE
1 actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character b : actually produced by or proceeding from the alleged source or author c : sincerely and honestly felt or experienced d : actual, true
2 free from hypocrisy or pretense : sincere

adjective
1. possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real: genuine sympathy; a genuine antique.
2. properly so called: a genuine case of smallpox.
3. free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere: a genuine person.
4. descended from the original stock; pure in breed: a genuine Celtic people.
Synonyms
1. See authentic. 3. true, unaffected, open, honest, forthright.

Definition of REAL:
Real describes something that is true and authentic or something is very important or significant. (adjective)
1. An example of real is an actual designer purse as opposed to a fake.
2. An example of real is a serious problem.

re·al adjective
1. true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent: the real reason for an act.
2. existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: a story taken from real life.
3. being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up.
4. being actually such; not merely so-called: a real victory.
5. genuine; not counterfeit, artificial, or imitation; authentic: a real antique; a real diamond; real silk
Or
1. a. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.
b. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.
c. Of or founded on practical matters and concerns: a recent graduate experiencing the real world for the first time.
2. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious: real mink; real humility.
3. Being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name: a real friend.
4. Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation: tourists hoping for a real experience on the guided tour.
5. Not to be taken lightly; serious: in real trouble

Definition of SNARKY (Why “snarky”? Because many people attempt to behave in this way and seem to be opposite to actually being “real, authentic, and genuine”.)
adj. snark·i·er, snark·i·est Slang
1. Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide.
2. Irritable or short-tempered; irascible.
adjective: Informal touchy, short-tempered, irritable,

Everyone seems to be able to achieve the status of being authentic, genuine, and real a part of the time. The amount of this time varies greatly based on how important it may seem to be real as opposed to being in a “role” of being the type of character (or person) you may need or want to be seen as. I believe that too many of us spend too much time “acting” or pretending to be someone else because we are not comfortable being who we actually are… I also believe that these “roles” are so comfortable and prevalent that we often do not have a good idea of how to be authentic, genuine or real because we DO NOT KNOW who we actually are… In fact, this lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance, personal insight, and authenticity is common, accepted, and often preferred by both the person playing the role and the people whom they encounter. Perhaps it is simply easier than being real or genuine.

What would the advantage be to being authentic, genuine, and real?
Would this make life more satisfying?
Would this help to make relationships more solid or real?
Should people strive to be more demonstrative of whom they really are?
And, how do you get to be more authentic, genuine, and real, and live in this true form?

When you meet a person who is genuine and real do you find that you can “TRUST” that person more easily because they do not seem inauthentic? Do relationships benefit from moments when the people in the relationship achieve an interaction which is sincere and genuine?

When we are born, we are genuine, authentic, and real. But, things get complicated and we develop filters by which we begin to experience the world. These filters may be cultural, or from family values, or political, or burdened by religious teachings. We then evaluate and “judge” other people and interactions based on these filters and we often find ourselves acting in character from the filters which we have adopted. Babies are not born as: “born again Christians,” or Muslin Extremists, or “right-wing” angry conservative Republicans, or “left-wing” “bleeding-heart liberals,” or drug addicted “street people,” or over-educated intellectual snobs, or rabid football fans, or tattooed, NASCAR enthusiasts. Babies are exposed to these philosophies and adopt these characteristics from the role models they live with. With that said, are these developed personalities authentic, genuine, or real?

How does common sense, or the lack thereof, play a role in living as a genuine person?
Is the definition of “phony” (or acting “fake”) the opposite of authentic, genuine, and real?

When the time comes that a person realizes that they are not as authentic as they may want to be, how does a person find their way back to an authentic self? And, how will they really know that they have gotten to that internal place of being genuine, real, and authentic? (Is it a feeling of insight or can it be understood by an evaluation process?)

Does being “real” allow for unfiltered, inappropriate, snarkiness and uninhibited impulsivity? In this day and age, many people express themselves through a cynical, sarcastic, and caustic style that seems to be in vogue with many celebrities and pundits who are allowed vast amounts of media exposure. As a society, the tolerance, acceptance, and celebration of this style of behavior appear to communicate the insecurity and need to be condescending toward fellow citizens. This lack of tolerance and respect seems endemic in our culture. Why do we have to put other people or concepts down just to aggrandize ourselves or our opinions?

Also, is there a time in people’s lives when they realize that they have been chasing a dream or expectations that may prove unsatisfying for them? When we are young do we impulsively strive for a cultural expectation of “success” that during “mid-life” (mid-30’s to late 40’s) changes dramatically causing dissatisfaction and unhappiness which can cause dramatic changes in career choices, relationships, and lifestyles? Would better self-awareness with authenticity allow for greater life satisfaction before, during, and after these mid-life travails? Does the desire for mid-life change denote a need to strive toward greater self-awareness, authenticity or genuineness?

It has been a common belief that self-realization gives you power because you know and better understand your own strengths and weaknesses/flaws. If you can remove yourself from being a victim to your expectations or unconscious characters (the roles we assume should bring us happiness or success), then you can make better life choices and find your path to satisfaction and happiness. It may prove difficult and confusing to wade through the old self-concepts and roles that may be getting in your way, however you can achieve self-awareness and a greater sense of being “authentic, genuine, and real.”

If you wish to explore how to become more “authentic” or genuine, with the possibility of increased self-acceptance, consider coaching from the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com The Stress Education Center offers a coaching process which offers increased self-awareness, personal control, and a self-realization that will allow greater success and life satisfaction.
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Happy Valentines Day! Hold the Expectations

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It is that time of year, again… The celebration of romance or the horror of the lack of romance. The sale of flowers, cards, candy, jewelry, balloons, dinners out, even fancy underwear will all be way up, but will anybody truly find any happiness? I like romance, but the pressure to be romantic and the expense of romantic expectations make me crazy… Yes, the “Stress Guy” gets stressed out by EXPECTATIONS… I am a victim of my own mind… But, so are the people who are fine, satisfied and happy without a significant relationship who somehow can feel lonely on this weird, and manufactured, holiday.

The part I enjoy is going out early on Valentines Day to the well supplied supermarkets. Usually, there are several “stations” set up for the desperate, last minute male Valentines buyers to race through in their anxiety, fear, and clueless-ness. Yup, tables of flowers and cards and candy and jewelry and balloons, etc… Then, I stand in line with desperate men and remind them that they have forgotten one or more of the items, and then watch them leap out of line to obtain the forgotten expectation.

Does anybody really feel loved when they receive a pile of Valentine expectations??? Romance is NOT dead, we just do not have enough time or money these days… The handmade gift or card or dinner seem more thoughtful and loving to me, but what do I know… I have been told by higher authorities on romance (like my sister) that one red rose is more romantic than a mega-buttload of red roses. (Mega-buttload means a lot of…)

Sincere acknowledgement should be enough, and often is, unless the nightmare of run-away expectations somehow take over. Please be gentle, and appreciate the thought, even if it is simple, pure, and innocent.

And, by the way, to the memory of my loving wife, I treasured our time together. As always, please be my Valentine….

What is Your Legacy?

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What is Your Legacy?
How does this Affect Your Life?

lega•cy (leg?? s?)
noun pl. legacies -•cies
1. money or property left to someone by a will; bequest
2. anything handed down from, or as from, an ancestor
3. a student applying or admitted to a college or university who is a relative of an alumnus

A consideration (for me) born in 2010…

Though I must admit, I have never really considered what my relationship is to this word or concept, I did begin a small survey on this subject. For reasons I can not explain, the consideration of the concept of my own legacy started while I was sitting in auditorium listening to a concert performance. So on the drive home, I started a conversation with my wife and my sister regarding what “Legacy” really might mean to me. It dawned on me that this might actually be an important consideration for how I might behave as I live my life. What you may not know about me, and a perhaps an important piece of information about me, is I will be turning 60 on my next birthday. This may have something to do with my thought process.

So what does the concept of “Legacy” mean beyond the dictionary definition. We discussed a possible broader description of the concept than leaving money or property as a legacy. We discussed what it means beyond handing “something” down to the next generations. We tried to settle on the concept that “a Legacy” might include a “Karmic” or “Psychic” legacy of intended or unintended “good deeds” that are either acknowledged or unacknowledged. By your own definition, of leaving a positive footprint on the world you walk upon in your life. Doing something good for the world. For example, my sister suggested that she tried to do at least 3 “good deeds” per day, like letting another driver into traffic instead of cutting them off or making them wait. I believe that these good deeds do build an increased level of “good karmic energy” but do not quite meet my concept of leaving a legacy.

For me, a “Legacy” might include a planned or unplanned connection with another person or organization which causes a change in movement into a more positive direction (my definition of positive.) For example, the afternoon I spent with a friend that convinced him, or more accurately, influenced him to become a physician rather than to follow his other choice of becoming a lawyer. And, he did train to become a physician.

Or perhaps, a legacy which includes raising children who by action are instilled with the “nature” to do good in the world. I can not claim full responsibility for early training that lead my sons to be altruistic people who consider “giving back” a part of daily activities, where being of service is a way of life. I have no control over how my sons conduct their daily business and many who know our family would say that their mother has instilled in them a higher set of values to be of service than I have, so I can not really, honestly, claim my sons’ good work as my legacy.

My work has been part of my legacy. I have attempted to provide good service to people and organizations and this good service includes experiences in good health and well being for people to model. But, on the occasion that someone who I have coached or trained approaches me and offers an comment of appreciation for some part of an interaction with me or my work that may have had a positive effect upon their life, I can not fully feel that I can accept responsibility or blame for this movement. It was their choice to use the information or experience to make positive change in their life. They had to follow through and to do the work to make the change.

So I wondered whether the concept of legacy somehow meant that this concept required a grander action like getting a wing of a hospital endowed and then named after me or my family. Most people can not qualify to leave a legacy at this level. So my confusion continues. How should I live my life, and do my work, with concept of leaving a positive legacy of my time walking, in this current body, on the Earthly plane of existence?… (Notice the Eastern concept of Karma and re-incarnation in my thought process.) I would like to maintain my vigilance and offer a life of service and good intentions in my work. I would like to be known as a good friend, a good husband, a good father, and possibly a good: teacher, trainer, coach, clinician….. Perhaps most importantly, I would like to be known for being a person who listened well enough to be able to share a moment in time with another person (or persons) where all participants felt the positive impact of this connection. Yes, I would like to be known for respecting my partners in communication enough to create a bond that allows for deeper examination and adjustments that lead to positive movement.

But what does “Legacy” mean for you? By considering your legacy, will this influence the way you choose to live and work? Will you set goals, and follow through, that include reaching out to your partners in life’s experiences and create bonds where trust and support will create positive change?

I am not sure I fully understand why I have not taken the time to consider the concept of Legacy until I reached the milestone of a 60th birthday but I know that I am never too old or too young to start the process of self-examination of my life’s purpose and how to move toward a life of greater service.

Are YOU looking for your “Legacy?” As part of my “legacy,” I offer information and coaching on stress management and improving productivity through my website at www.dstress.com. I hope that this provides you with some useful information.

Zen and the Art of Beach Combing

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This past weekend, I was searching for sea shells on a beach in Ferndale, WA. It reminded me of the many times I found solace as I have walked beaches around the world…

Most of us have had the experience of walking on a beach. We have walked by the ocean or by a lake or by a river and as we walk we look for interesting things that have been washed up on the beach. The experience “absorbs” us by filling our minds with the present moment and what treasure can be spotted.

The act of walking by any body of water is relaxing for most of us. If the weather is calm and we do not fear bodies of water, then we can feel the soothing calmness that moving water can provide. I have been told that water gives off “negative ions” which are supposed to be relaxing (for most of us.) Moving water resonates at about 10 cycles per second and as our brains mimic or resonate with this pace, we can drift into an “alpha” brainwave state (which is a meditative and relaxing state for most of us.) Just the act of walking outdoors by water seems to relax us and this is enhanced by walking barefoot over warm sand as we feel the sunshine and listen for sounds of birds…

In fact, many people use similar images as a relaxation visualization that can soothe and even help to heal. We can benefit from a mental vacation and the peaceful rest of a brief Zen meditation. Perhaps we remember a beach that we have strolled upon. Perhaps we contemplate a walk down a beach that we have wished to visit. The very thought has powerful positive qualities. Adding details makes it richer and more powerful while also helping us to escape, for a moment, our normal beach-less lives.

I challenge you to dream. Image yourself walking, or better still, walk the beaches of the world and then lose yourself in the wonderful pleasure of this peace and beauty. This will heal your mind, body, and spirit.

Being Present: Key to Mindfulness

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Have you ever suffered from anxiety, fear, or major stress? If so, then the chances are good that the fear or anxiety were born out of an experience from the past, as a learned response, or from fears of some future unknown or uncontrollable event. Throughout our lives we suffer great or small traumas and our body learns to respond to similar scenarios as if we were having PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) reactions. In deed, we may have mini-PTSD responses to fearful or difficult events even if these past events were not life threatening. Most importantly, if we ruminate on past events then we are not totally “present” in our bodies, in present time. Our bodies will then attempt to make us “present” by dragging us back into the present moment with an irritating, if not worse, symptom like an anxiety attack. This symptom is not necessarily the enemy, but it is a warning sign that we are not paying attention to our bodies, in the present moment.

Fear of the unknown or the uncertainty of what can happen in the future will also trigger a symptom of fear or anxiety. Since we can not predict the future with 100% accuracy, our flight-fight response can be triggered and physical or emotional symptoms can be exacerbated. When we lose track of the present moment, our body can force us to consider the present in rude ways.

Conversely, at the heart of every stress or anxiety management technique are simple activities designed to bring us back into our bodies in the present moment and in a “positive way.” One strong example is the request to take a deep slow breath and to feel the cool air as you inhale and the warm breath as you exhale. This simple, but powerful, request asks that you release thoughts regarding the past or expectations of the future and to feel the subtle difference of a slow inhale and exhale. This act of Mindfulness can back you away from your fear or anxiety especially when this has been rehearsed enough to become a habituated pattern.

Being Present or practicing Mindfulness is easier said than done, but the concept is not difficult to understand and with practice not too difficult to learn. Being prepared to “let go” of fear, anxiety, or traumatic thoughts can be very useful and can succeed when the skill of “Being Present” has become a positive habit.

Other techniques for mindfulness would include feeling: muscles relaxing, heart rate slowing, hands and feet warming, stomach tension releasing, and sensations of slowing down of distracting thoughts. Techniques which can lead to this state of mind and body, when practiced, include: Meditations, Autogenic Training, Progressive Relaxations, Visualizations/Imagery, forms of Self-Hypnosis, Breathing techniques, Yoga/Stretching, biofeedback training, and other types of focusing and observations. The secret is to find the one that works best for you, master it, and then use it preventively on a regular basis.

Information at the Stress Education Center’s website wwww.dstress.com may prove helpful to you.

Basking in the Light of Self-Acceptance

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Can you allow yourself to bask in the light of Self-Love and Self-Acceptance? Can you see and accept both your strengths and your flaws? Can you find a way to break from being a “victim” of your challenges and your lessons?

Life would be easy if the answers to these questions was “Yes.” For most of us, we are in the struggle called “living” and can not find the time and energy to even ask these questions, let alone, develop the answers. These are questions that people have asked and struggled to answer since the first humans had enough consciousness to realize that they were more than just animals attempting to survive in a difficult, dangerous world. The lessons of consciousness that we historically struggle with are often ones like: What is my purpose? or Why am I alive? or Is there a God? or What happens when I die? or How can I find Love? or How can I keep the faith even as the storm of humiliation and disappointment surround me? There are no easy answers… but for each of us the process of discovery along the path to finding these answers is what our lives are all about.

I believe that each one of us is connected to a higher consciousness and our goal in life is to learn from our flaws/challenges so we can get a less filtered view of this pure consciousness. We are trying to connect with the God within us and to bask in the light of unconditional love and consciousness.

At some point, we must acknowledge our imperfections and find a way to accept these challenges as the lessons we have to learn. By accepting these flaws and giving up the “fight against them,” we can free our energy to find a better way to our life’s purpose and our goals. By giving up being a victim to our weaknesses or imperfections, we can invest our time and energy in moving more freely to the light of higher consciousness. Why is it easier to accept other people and their imperfections, than it is to accept our own? Accept and celebrate your flaws, especially if you wish to find a way to move in more positive directions.

Along the way, find and celebrate the God within you. You may be surprised to find how surprisingly familiar this supreme consciousness really is. (For me, God is not a religious term. It is a word that symbolizes unconditional love in the purest form and the highest consciousness that connects all living things.)

Basking in the Brilliance of Spirit

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What feeds your spirit? What activities connect you with your spirit? How often do you seek to develop your spiritual nature? When we speak of “spirit” or spiritual development in this article, we are not speaking about learning religious philosophy or in practicing religious rituals. Instead, we are speaking of the deeper connections with the brilliance of love and light that comes from deep within every living being. In doing so, there is no exclusion of spirit due to different philosophical or religious beliefs or attitudes. There are no qualifications or exclusions from connecting with spirit. One of the main understandings regarding this celebration of spirit is that “we are all at one” with all other living creatures. We are all “connected.”

Time and space (place) are less of a division in the world of spirit. Spirit may be more a feeling rather than a thought. For people who have been able to bring these feelings back from a spiritual experience often describe a feeling of “oneness” or a sense of deep connection. There may also be a feeling of “unconditional love” which can also be described in some religions as a feeling of connection with the religion’s God, but not necessarily with all the morale or cultural beliefs.

People will visit a glorious natural environment and feel the power of connection with natural beauty that has the power to create calmness and sometimes healing. When learning to connect with your spirit it is good to be reminded that you can get there more easily if you “Quiet your mind” and control your expectations. (Neither of these is easy to do when getting started but can come more easily with practice.) It is important to be “still” and to let “it” come to you. Chasing the spirit can make it more difficult to do. A final reminder: Be Open… You may not experience the process in the way you think you might need, but actually get the experience that you will best learn from…. If, you are open to it.

I am reminded of a time when I was in a late afternoon meditation on a cliff that over looked the waves churning unto a beach in Sonoma County, CA. With my mind reaching to be in “neutral” (no extra thoughts), I found myself listening to a dialogue in my head. One voice seemed to come from the perspective of a “guide” in the form of a seagull who was describing the birth of the winds as a power to consider. The Voice suggested that the winds were created by the difference in temperatures of the ocean and the land. As the land heated up and warmed the air over it, the air would rise and the cooler air over the ocean would rush in to fill this void, so creating a breeze. Waves are generated by the movements of the wind and their force is respected for the great power that this force of nature manifests. The Voice asked me to consider harnessing the power of the winds as seagulls do as they soar, almost effortlessly, by using the currents of wind. A part of me listened to the dialogue with fascination. Another part of my mind was asking where this Voice was coming from and where the information of this Voice was coming from. I considered the experience as a connection with the “collective unconscious” described by many famous psychologists and philosophers. I felt blessed to be allowed to share in this mind expanding experience.

Another late afternoon meditation created a powerful but not uncommon learning experience. In my visualization, I imagined that I was sitting by a river with my back against a tree. I pictured myself meditating and seeing the transformation of the river in front of me into the “River of Life.” It was golden in color. It flowed from my right side to my left, slowly and evenly. I “knew” that the waters would eventually empty into the sea. Each golden molecule of water represented a living soul. The molecules of water would evaporate from the sea to form golden clouds which would lead to a golden rain high up in the mountains. The molecules would join other molecules to form small streams flowing downhill to join larger rivers until the “cycle of life” would be repeat by following the path of the golden river of life back to the sea, once again. I saw myself as a molecule of water swirling downstream occasionally being caught in an eddy and swirling in circles to learn my lessons. Most importantly, I felt myself “connected” to all other living things in this river of life. I knew that I was never alone or separate from other living beings as we struggle to improve and move forward with our lessons of life. Though this meditation happened for me almost 40 years ago, I remember it and I feel it as if it was happening right now… This type of connection with the oneness of consciousness is far from unique. It has happened before and will happen again in some form or another for people who are open to this transformative experience/lesson.

Please consider taking time to connect with your spirit and celebrating the learning that you can achieve. It will change your life.

For life balance and stress management, it is important to maintain your ideal state of mind, body, and spirit. Too focused attention on any one area, over the others, may provide an imbalance that will not allow the best quality of life. Please take good care of yourself.

Please comment on this blog if you are so moved.

5 Powerful Stress Management Tools

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There are many stress management techniques. Everyone who has spent time attempting to find the best stress management technique has found that there are many ways to reduce stress. The block to success has been that it requires time and patience to develop the awareness and the skills to allow these techniques to have their maximum benefit. I want to list 5 of my favorite techniques and would encourage you to consider trying one or more of these until you find the ones that work best for you. If you have suffered from: lack of focus, high blood pressure, anxiety/panic, headaches, or sleeping problems, seriously consider learning one or more of the following techniques to minimize stress in your body and to get back in control of your life.

Many people have tried forms of Eastern Meditation to relax. These techniques have been around for thousand of years. The “Western mind” may struggle with the discipline it requires to focus your attention and to then “still” your mind. When coaching busy individuals, I do not start with these techniques, except for some of the basic breathing techniques.

What I do start with, and is #1 on my stress management list, is Autogenic Training phrases. I learned these in 1977 as part of some of my original training in stress management and biofeedback. This is the technique that I use regularly for myself. This style of stress management uses 6 basic phrases that I repeat to myself, each 3 times, and then with practice get to the level of stress management that I desire. First there is a “mood” phrase- “I am at peace with myself and fully relaxed” to get me in the mood to begin relaxation. The text for the entire exercise is available in my books with a chapter dedicated to Autogenic training in “Guide to Stress Reduction.” The six basic phrases include: “My right arm is heavy,” repeated 3 times, (then left arm, right leg, left leg, and neck and shouldes are heavy) (which is used to begin to relax skeletal muscles,) then “My right arm is warm,” slowly repeated 3 times, (then left arm, right leg, left leg, and neck and shoulders are warm) (which is used to improve blood flow and circulation into the extremities,) then “My heart beat is calm and regular,” then “My breathing is calm and regular,” then “My stomach region is warm and calm,” and finally, “My forehead is cool and calm (or smooth.” Amazing results after daily use for 8-12 weeks especially with sympathetic nervous system symptoms like: migraine headaches, high blood pressure, panic/anxiety, distress related digestive challenges, etc

My #2 relaxation favorite is progressive relaxation. There is a whole chapter about this technique in “Guide to Stress Reduction” and many other sources. There two major versions of Progressive Relaxation including an “active version” where you tighten and then release muscle groups and the second form which is the “passive version” of attending to muscles and releasing tension without tightening the muscle groups. This is great for sleeping problems, headaches, neck/shoulder pain, and back pain.

#3 is using Visualization or Imagery for stress management. This is often combined with one of my first 2 choices to deepen a relaxation practice. This involves using your imagination to see or feel or hear or even smell mentally constructed relaxation triggers. As an example, picture yourself on a mental vacation in beautiful place outdoors on a warm and peaceful day. Settle back into what ever you might imagine yourself lying on such a lounge chair or a blanket in the warm sand (or grass.) Imagine that you can feel the warmth of the sunshine or the warm breezes as the tension melts away. Perhaps you can imagine the sounds that might surround you like the sound of waves or running water or the sounds of the birds or the warm breezes. Perhaps you can imagine the smell of salt air, or of the flowers or grasses or of the woods. Imagine that you can soak up the warmth and let the tension melt away. This is fun mental relaxation that can help you to control anxiety and start the process of encouraging healing o begin.

#4 Using special breathing techniques to slow yourself down and distract yourself from stressful experiences. Start with taking 3 slow deep breaths to begin to trigger some relaxation. Then you may want to take 4 breaths by slow counting 1-4 as you inhale, then hold your breath for a count of 1-4, and then slowly exhale as you count 1-8. The counting will occupy your mind and help you to relax. A great counting relaxation at bedtime involves counting backward from 50 down to 1 but do it this way. 50,1,2,3, 49,1,2,3 48,1,2,3, 47,12,3 etc. Your mind can get bored with keeping these numbers in line and gradually drift off into a restful sleep. (key: do not rush through this counting and breathe slowly.)

#5 is using a form of biofeedback to monitor your body’s level of stress and then monitor your learning of relaxation as you “let go” of your stress. There are several forms of biofeedback which are used. EMG biofeedback measures levels of electrical activity, or muscle tension, and teaches you to relax specific muscle groups. A more inexpensive form is temperature biofeedback where you begin by taping a simple thermometer to the side of your index finger and allow yourself to relax until you feel your hands warm above 90 degrees Fahrenheit. 93-95 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal and usually symbolizes relaxation of this system. The reason this works for many people is that when we are under the effects of stress we often constrict blood flow into our hands and feet as a survival response. When you can “let go” and have a vaso-dialation which increases blow flow into your extremities you are better able to “let go” of emotional stress and function at a more ideal level.

Most of these simple, but powerful, stress management techniques are described in “Guide to Stress Reduction” and at the Stress Education Center’s website at www.dstress.com. Audios are available for download as stress management products and are at the core of the 5 session online stress management course. Contact us with any questions or for stress management coaching/training.

More information and detailed stress management techniques are listed at the Stress Education Center’s webpage. Please visit and read the “articles” which may assist you.

Anxiety & Aging the Dilemma for Baby Boomers

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I admit it. I am an aging Baby Boomer. I accept than I am aging and that I am not in my 20’s, nor 30’s, even my 40’s or 50’s. I am past 60 and more than beginning to show my age. Physically, I mean. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually I am still a puppy BUT… If you are a Baby Boomer, you know where I am going with this.

My hair is not the same color as it was in my 20’s. Nor is there as much hair as there was in those photos of me with shoulder length locks and the full dark beard that I recently posted on Facebook. Believe it or not, I weigh more than I did when I was in my early 20s. In my early 50s, I took to wearing reading glasses and now my bifocals are my constant companion. Even my hearing has been impacted by the time, activities, and the years since my youth. My doctor reminds me that I need certain regular unspeakable tests as a more than I would want, course of my annual physicals. Though I manage my stress and anxiety fairly well through regular relaxation, meditation, and exercise, I find the anxiety of aging creeping closer to the surface. The situation is not unique just to me.

I don’t have the youthful energy that I once had nor the ability to focus and concentrate. It seems to take me longer to learn certain tasks and yet I do not want to give up on learning new things. I am not sure whether I am just frustrated by the aging process or whether there is some deeper levels of anxiety and fears that I or someone like me, may need to address. For most of my life, I have a pattern of being oppositional and not truly fitting in with the age that has been prescribed for me. I still feel youthful, excited, and passionate about life and yet I don’t seem to have quite as much energy. So as I struggle with the current reality I know that I am not alone and that there are many people who are dealing with the same situation and would like to find a forum for us all to work together and to support each other as we deal with the consequences of aging.

I do not claim to have a magic diet or exercise program that can eliminate the impact of aging. I would like to be able to offer a process where each of us can minimize the impact of the anxiety of aging. There are people who struggle a great deal more than me with the discovery of wrinkles, lack of skin tone, the widening of the waistline, the reduction of hair, or even the loss of key body parts like teeth. I have been blessed with a relatively healthy body and yet I still feel the effects of the aging process as I celebrate my mid-60s. This may not be true for everyone, but I do not wish to go back and be a teenager or someone in my 20s again. I simply wish that my body did not behave as if it were a large sack of stones that I must drag around at certain times.

For me a passive life of sitting still does not resonate. I like to be active and energized by new and exciting things. I like to tell my stories of times past when I hiked over mountain passes far above timberline and yet most days I do not feel I have the energy to trudge up those trails the way I did in my 20s and 30s and 40s. Truth be known, I can still do many of the things that I tell stories about but in this day and age I would do them more slowly and probably less gracefully. Again, I do not find my situation unique to me and I would like to be a voice for many of us baby boomers who can still not believe that the insidious aging process offers us “better days”.

Perhaps what is needed is a new perspective and a new way of looking at my now worn life. People tell me that I should focus on the positive like what I can do and what my body is able to perform. And yet there are times when any limitation makes me boil. I also admit that I am far from being a patient person. I’ve said for years that there will be a time later in life when I engage in accepting the process of being patient. I have not found that time in life as of yet. I’m not jealous of people who have their youth or of people who are in better shape than I, I am only envious of my memories of what I once took for granted and now find difficult if not impossible to do.

My ranting in this blog is designed to be a point of discussion. I would like to build a process where there can be physical control of fear and anxiety and the wherewithal to find greater emotional acceptance to live with the challenges that we all must face. From using the techniques that I have taught for 40 years in stress management and from sports psychology, I know that there are ways that we can minimize the impact of the aging process at least on our mind and our spirit. If you have an interest in developing your own skills for dealing with the aging process please contribute to this blog with comments and continue to follow your passion and be a role model for all of us.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Blessings to you and all of us baby boomers.

Hypnosis for Stress Management

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“Suggestions” for Relaxation: Hypnosis for Stress Management

Recently, I received a request to blog about the use of hypnosis for stress management. “Hypnosis” can be a charged and mis-understood word. Many under-educated people will say that the use of hypnosis is immoral because some religious authority, who has probably used a lot of waking hypnosis, has scared them into believing that “evil” can be done with hypnosis. (In fact, this very negative comment is a hypnotic suggestion that can have huge impact on unaware people.) Putting this aside, hypnosis is a commonly used technique that is used in sales/marketing, health care, and for mental health. Most people have experienced some level of hypnosis or hypnotic “trance” and may not even realize that they have “been under.” As an example, have you ever watch a series of commercials on TV and then can not consciously recall the products that were advertised BUT you find yourself drawn into buying a marketed product when you get to the supermarket like a brand name product (instead of a less expensive generic product, that probably will work about the same…) Or, have you ever been driving down the highway, watching the lane lines flow by, and miss your turn off. These are light trances that happen to most people as they move through life.

Hypnosis is a mental state of relaxation that can vary from a light state of trance to a deep, sleep-like state of trance. In the deeper states of trance, you may “drift-off” into dream-like state where many normal distractions will simply melt away, leaving you comfortable, peaceful, and with greatly reduced anxiety levels. Once in a “trance,” you can allow yourself to accept a “suggestion” that may be able to assist you by working with the “sub-conscious” part of your mind. Most of what actually happens in the brain dwells in the “sub-conscious” part of the mind because there is so much going on in the brain that we could not possibly be “conscious” of all of it. For example, we can not consciously know our heart rate, blood pressure, hormonal activity, all levels of muscle activity, internal temperature/metabolism, and all the micro-adjustments necessary to maintain balance. But, the sub-conscious part of our brains is monitoring and adjusting to subtle changes, unless we are manifesting some sort of ailment. A positive suggestion like: “you are feeling deeply satisfied with the small portion of food you are eating (on your current diet)” can help people to feel better and to lose some weight. A “positive suggestion” is created to be both a positive phrase and placed into the “present” moment of time for this is the best way to reach the sub-conscious part of the mind in a positive way. There is an art to creating the perfect positive suggestion and knowing the ideal time to use this suggestion to get the best results.

The state of hypnosis is truly “self-hypnosis” because most people will not allow themselves to slip into this state of consciousness unwillingly. Also, any suggestion offered will be screened for safety and moral appropriateness by the sub-conscious mind so people will not blindly follow a suggestion and hurt themselves or others unless they would normally do this in their normal lives. 10% of the population are very “suggestable” and will comply with an offered suggestion. These people are great consumers (for commercials are aimed at influencing these people) and a stage hypnotist will select these people for a stage show because they make for entertaining spectacles up on stage. Most people are not nearly as suggestable but can be offered positive suggestions that will work if they are motivated to make the suggested change (and if this change does not go against their normal moral beliefs.)

To go into a “state of hypnosis” or trance, you can relax yourself with many relaxing strategies such as: slow deep breathing, counting slowly backward, progressive relaxations, using autogenic training phrases, focusing on an object like a candle, fireplace, stream, or waves breaking on the beach and then allow yourself to drift into a more calm and peaceful state of mind and body. This act alone is therapeutic because it allows for relaxation, stress/anxiety management, and reduced levels of pain and discomfort. You can also use a more specific “induction” like the one written out on the “articles” page of the Stress Education Center’s website (link at https://dstress.com/basic-guided-relaxation/) to get to a deeper level of relaxation that can be used for self-hypnosis. Once you are relaxed and comfortable, you may want to read or mentally repeat your positive suggestion (maybe 10 times) so this suggestion will begin to drift into the sub-conscious part of your mind. This technique may need to be repeated for several days or even weeks before the suggestion will really work to the best level possible. If you do this work, and are motivated to change, you will find the positive results.

Hypnosis and positive suggestions can be used to control or change habits or behaviors, improve performance and productivity, manage health related challenges, and to enhance the quality of life. Most people can not be forced into making changes unless they are motivate to change so be careful of your expectations if you are ambivalent about what you wish to change.

If you feel that you may want more support or coaching consider contacting the Stress Education Center at www.dstress.com for a personalized coaching program. Please take good care of yourself.